OCD and being highly sensitive

[Guest tyga]

Hi everyone,

I have been on this site many times to read posts for inspiration and guidance but very rarely write anything. I find it hard to order my raging thoughts into coherent sentences. I have OCD thoughts for the last 20 years and have had to fight the compulsions each time OCD rears its ugly head. The topic may vary as the years go by but the obsessive thinking and anxiety are always the same. 

I am finally in a committed relationship but used to have anxiety over being single for many years before. I would imagine that if I was in a secure relationship, then I would be happy and all this would go away. Oh, how silly we can be...

The OCD never goes away and now I am in the depths of another attack that has lasted for over a week. This time my obsession is about my partner and the usual compulsions are compelling me to think about our relationship and what is wrong with it over and over again every day. Being hyper sensitive, I am picking up on every nuance, every tone, every look, gesture or expression (including a lack of these things as well) and I have come to the conclusion that my partner doesn't really want me anymore and is just waiting for the right time to break up with me. And it doesn't seem irrational at all to me. It seems a very real possibility even though, when I try to focus on the positives, there are just as many of them that are proof that he does love me and wants to be with me.

I am terrified that I am going to ruin this relationship with my anxiety and obsessive thinking. I'm am struggling to distract myself from these thoughts. I try to catch myself thinking them and then think about something positive instead, but my mind is convinced I need to be worried about this and prepare myself. 

I don't want to share all this with me partner cos I am worried he will think its all too hard and leave, making all this a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

Can anyone relate to this and does anyone have any advice for strengthening my own self-esteem and confidence to feel more in control of my thoughts?

I feel like a cork floating on a raging sea.

Tyga