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False Mmemories


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Hi,

i was first diagnosed with OCD when i had a break down with Post natal Depression, i had very intrusive thoughts about my daughter which disgusted me so much i felt i had lost my mind. One day 3 years ago i was crying to my mum, and was trying to think of why was i having these thoughts? I then looked up and said well once i was looking after my friends little girl and she was being a pain so i put her on my lap and sang row row the boat she wanted to get down but i was trying to keep her entertained.. i then said to my mum OMG what if i had feelings? and kept her there and wouldnt let her go?  me and mum both then said thats not a thing i would do... I then spiralled out of controll and said what if i rubbed her on me :(. After a day or two Perinatal contacted me and i was with them for a year the false memorys disapaeared. 3 years on they have come back... what if i did? i then think to myself i look after my friends children 100000% and never had this thought untill i became poorly. I just need support its so hard on my family they are constatntly hearing me go over the situation 100 times a day with the story allways changing. Is this OCD or could i have done this horrible thing and repressed the memory. I feel so awful i wouldnt be able to live with myself if it was true.

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Hi Mangos and welcome to the forum.

What you've described sounds like OCD, through and through. We have had a lot of people with this OCD theme on the forum. What you've described sounds like OCD, no doubt. Right down to you confessing constantly (a compulsion) and the story morphing and changing over time.

You are getting intrusive thoughts that you did something wrong. In response you are performing compulsions, notably confessing and ruminating. These things can last for years and years if you don't get a handle on them.

Have you seen a doctor about this? Have you been diagnosed with OCD? Sought any help?

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Thank you for your reply. Yes I have been diagnosed with OCD. It changes all the time. When I was pregnant it was about germs.. I was constantly going to the hospital to check everything was OK with my baby. 

I havean appointment with the mental health team Thursday... I'm so nervous. I work for a mental health service already so I have an understanding of OCD but I constantly keep thinking no that's just you, your a bad person... it's litreally heart breaking.  I just want to be happy.. But whenever I am it creeps up saying your a bad person your not aloud to be happy. Does that make sense?

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Totally makes sense. I've heard it many times here. People who have been diagnosed for years still go through bouts where they doubt their problem is OCD and they blame it on being a bad person, a sick person, a twisted person. It's the nature of OCD.

Good luck with your appointment. This can be beaten.

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3 minutes ago, Mangos&lime said:

Any one suffer with this? 

Yes I do, I have had a breakdown after being two years anxiety free. It's awful and creeps out of no where. I have a seven month old baby and struggling with my thoughts 

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