Chelsie Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 Had a really rubbish couple of weeks with contamination OCD. Been staying with family over Christmas and feeling the benefit of extra company as a bit of a distraction. However, this morning has put me straight back to square one. Gave my mum and stepdad a lift to hospital today as stepdad had to go in as a day case. Waited in car for my mum but as there was a delay, she suggested having a coffee in coffee bar by a and e. In an attempt to act like a normal person, I met her there. Not too bad until a man walked in and sat at table next to us with arm in sling and blood all down his trousers. He must have come in through the same door as me and I feel he may have blood on the bottom of his shoes that would have transferred to the floor and to my shoes (and to the shoes of my mum and stepdad). Link to comment
taurean Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 (edited) Your contamination distortions can dream up any worrying scenario is likes, wherever you happen to be When it does that, try detaching from it and reminding yourself however much the disorder tries to sound an alert, these are ordinary situations that would not bother nob-contamination sufferers - such as presumably your mother - in the slightest. Why - because they don't see any threat, aren't making up the connections. Threats exist, of course they do - but OCD homes in on anything and exaggerates. Edited December 27, 2016 by taurean typo Link to comment
Chelsie Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 Thanks for the reply. This threat feels so real - if the blood had dropped down the mans trousers it seems likely it would drop into the floor and he would step on it. Link to comment
taurean Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 And why is blood a threat to you? What is the fear behind that being a threat? Link to comment
Chelsie Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 Hepatitis? HIV? Link to comment
taurean Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 Mmhhh. That is absolute catastrophic thinking isn't it? Do you see that? From a man clearly having some trauma, but considered OK by the medical staff to be out in the open in a public area, to dripping on the floor to you picking it up to him actually having hepatitis or HIV. Going forward you need to tackle this catastrophic thinking with CBT. Link to comment
Chelsie Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 Taurean - I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me today. It's great to speak to someone not closely connected to me. I have had some cbt in the past but not for about 4 years. I recognise I need some more and have emailed a local therapist - just waiting for a reply after the Christmas break. Link to comment
Chelsie Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 I can see your point about catastrophic thinking but it seems such a likely scenario. My mum has just sat next to me on the sofa with her feet up - I know she took her boots off and then stepped in her socked feet where she had been standing with her boots on. I now feel she has created a contaminated area on her sofa that I must avoid touching. I hate this as my mum's house has always been a refuge - my own house has many such contaminated areas. Also, being at her house, I can't do anything to decontaminate the area as she would not allow me to get wipes to clean the sofa. She is under a lot of pressure with my stepdad being ill and I don't want to give her additional worries about my OCD (which I know she worries about anyway). Feeling at a loss to know what to do. Link to comment
taurean Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 1 hour ago, Chelsie said: I now feel she has created a contaminated area on her sofa that I must avoid touching. It's not you it's your OCD. You know that, and that you don't really have to do anything - it's only that nagging inside your head tells you otherwise. Link to comment
Chelsie Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 You've been such a help this afternoon. I'm hanging in there and my thinking seems to be calming down. I saw a man with blood on his trousers - I did not see blood on the floor. Sorry to sound pathetic but I do really appreciate the support. Link to comment
taurean Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 no problem, its how we all feel at some point . Link to comment
Chelsie Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 Really trying to avoid making this thought 'a thing'. Often I find that, contrary to what I've been told in cbt, the anxiety gets worse with time. However, today it does seem to be abating a bit - managed over 3 hours and haven't given in to a compulsion (other than to write on this forum) Link to comment
PolarBear Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 The fact is, maybe that man did step in blood, which transferred to your shoes. It could have happened. Now you have to deal with that. You have to push through the anxiety and refrain from doing compulsions. No extra cleaning. No avoiding objects in the house. Breathe through it and try to get your mind onto other things. The less attention you pay to what happened the less it will bother you. Link to comment
Chelsie Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 Gulp polar bear - kick a girl when she's down! Link to comment
Chelsie Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 Sorry to sound a bit abrupt - I appreciate the contribution polar bear! Just threw me a bit when I thought I was doing so well... Link to comment
taurean Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 He has your best interests at heart, He is a good bear really. But I think you will of course have to go rather slower than that. I am really pleased you held firm for 3 hours - that is great well done. Baby steps..... Link to comment
PolarBear Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 It's not a kick. It's reality and you have to learn to deal with it. The rest of the people in the hospital weren't thinking about blood on shoes because you have that type of OCD and they don't. They perceived no risk and got on with their day. Your OCD blew the importance of blood all out of proportion. The risk is incredibly small but your OCD turned it into a huge deal. You need to learn that's what OCD does and not fall into the trap of doing compulsions. Link to comment
Chelsie Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 Of course you're right. I'd do anything to be like a 'normal' person and not have the thought in the first place. However, once the thought has been 'thunk' it's hard to get rid of it. Am feeling good for having got through a few hours with the anxiety diminishing rather than increasing. I know things are better at the moment because I'm staying with family. Will have to work very hard not to relapse when I go home and it's just me Link to comment
taurean Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 Do you have a best friend that you could confide in and may be able to help you? There is some good stuff on the main OCD-UK website to help explain about OCD to friends and family, to help bring them on board. And you will have your forum friends here. Link to comment
Chelsie Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 I am very close to my family and we all live quite near to each other so have support. However, over the past few days have found the forum - where I have a degree of anonymity - really helpful. Thank you Link to comment
PolarBear Posted December 27, 2016 Share Posted December 27, 2016 Well it sounds like you're doing things right, Chelsie. You're refraining from compulsions and your anxiety is getting lower. That's a good thing! Link to comment
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