Lacking energy

[Chelsie]

Had such an up and down week.  Been poorly and OCD really spiked mid week.  However, thurs and fri so much more positive and really felt I made some headway. 

Now it's Saturday morning and I'm feeling not too bad OCD wise.  The problem is, I'm feeling so lacking in energy.  My OCD has been bad for about 5 weeks and I've been avoiding all sorts of jobs as they've been causing me anxiety - laundry pile is becoming a mountain, everything needs tidying.  I just seem to lack the motivation to attack it all! 

Having a lovely lazy morning reading my book and enjoying being able to sit and not ruminate.  But this won't get anything done! 

[kittypurry]

Hi Chelsie. Are you avoiding these activities because you can't get motivated or are you putting it off because you know they will cause you anxiety? I can be guilty of the latter particularly around housework as I know it can make my checking worse. 

[Chelsie]

I think it's a bit of both really! Housework means touching dirt which I find revolting. Maybe I like the feeling of being freer of anxiety too much - need to push myself! Am on the third lot of laundry today - which I particularly find 'contaminating' - so not completely shying away from it.  It seems a bit overwhelming at the moment and,having been ill, things have piled up even more! 

[taurean]

Revulsion is one of the other bad emotions that underpin OCD. Again you can, as you move forward in therapy,  challenge that core belief that dirt is revolting. It's partly picked up externally, it's partly our secretions, but non-sufferers just see it as part of life, and accept the need to clean and wash in moderation.  

[kittypurry]

How are you getting on Chelsie. Did you get much done? 

[Chelsie]

Er - not that much!  Guess what I'm doing tomorrow! Did some washing and shopping but not a lot else! Off to a birthday party for an old family friend this evening.  Would so much rather stay in with a take away and the tv!  Hoping my mojo will come back when I get glammed up! 

[Chelsie]

Have you had a good day kittypurry? 

[kittypurry]

I hope you enjoy yourself later. I have been checking things today more than I should  I seem to have slipped into my old habits of feeling the need to check things twice and in a correct order. I think being poorly and hormones have really not helped and I am feeling not quite as strong as I have been. However I haven't seeked any reassurance today which is good.   

Have a nice time at the party. Xx

Edited January 14, 2017 by kittypurry
typos

[Chelsie]

Had such a lovely time at the part, kittypurry and reconnected with some old school friends I hadn't seen for ages.  Felt quite relaxed and it was such a good distraction.  Almost felt like a normal human being for a while.  The other good thing was that members of my family were there and saw me happy and having a good time.  They really worry about me so thIs was good for them.

However, had a disaster today (see my recent post). Can't believe I can go from positive to negative so quickly. All the good seems undone. Makes me realise how fragile my little successes are and how much work I have to do to combat this. 

[taurean]

As per your other post, the only one seeing a disaster is you my friend. In due course you will probably be looking back at this and wondering how this thing could so bug you.

It's all about successfully challenging the core belief, but it takes understanding time and ERP..

 

[Chelsie]

You're absolutely right, Taurean.  The main problem is that the core belief is based on some fact.  My first aid training tells me that there is potential danger of contagion from blood. It's not a belief that I can just dismiss.  I need to adjust my thinking though, I realise that. 

[taurean]

1 minute ago, Chelsie said:

You're absolutely right, Taurean.  The main problem is that the core belief is based on some fact.  My first aid training tells me that there is potential danger of contagion from blood. It's not a belief that I can just dismiss.  I need to adjust my thinking though, I realise that. 

There si some small element of risk perhaps. But the disorder exaggerates it out of all proportion. I haven't had first aid training but my mother was a nurse - and she gave me no risk alerts to rule my life.

In these circumstances, probability is a key. technique to use. The probability there is actually any risk is to the rest of us minimal if any. 

[Chelsie]

First aid training involves telling you to wear gloves and make sure blood spills are cleared up appropriately etc.  I'm a bit of a rule follower, I guess.  I take instructions to heart! I realise that I catastrophise, though. Once you've done it, it's so hard to undo!  Another worry I have is about blood on door handles - especially if someone comes into or leaves a room to go and get first aid (so there is s real chance they have blood on their hands). I have a real problem with this and want to go round wiping all door handles with anti bac - find myself trying to hold handles in places others are unlikely to have held them. 

Edited January 15, 2017 by Chelsie

[taurean]

Then you know what you have to challenge. It's one thing to be obeying rules in a first aid environment, quite another to spread that rule, and catastrophising, outside of that environment. The same rules should not apply, but you are seeking to.

You went for a blood test the other day - they operate, rightly, to very strict rules there. I had to have a scan involving the injected use of dye a couple of years ago - the hospital use all its guidelines correct waste bins etc. as they would need to in that environment.  

[Chelsie]

Quote

2 minutes ago, taurean said:

It's one thing to be obeying rules in a first aid environment, quite another to spread that rule, and catastrophising, outside of that environment. The same rules should not apply, but you are seeking to.

Very true - I need to hold on to this