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Difficulty living with myself


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Struggling with my conscience badly,thinking what I could have been if it wasn't for mental issues,how much life I've wasted and what I've missed out on plus how much of a worry and burden I've been on family and friends.

the feeling of such underachievement in life :(

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I'm torn between what to do I know that life can't really get any better but I know what the consequences would be to family,if only I could have a fatal heart attack or something then at least it would spare my family a little pain 

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I am new here and I don't know anyone but I felt I had to reply because I often feel the same way. I too have made something of a wreck of my life. Can't keep my head together long enough to ever achieve anything, no friends, no job etc. Sometimes I feel so trapped by it I just stand in the middle of my room seething, with no idea what to do or how to escape. I don't believe anyone fails at everything though. Even in the darkest hole there must be moments of triumph when a little light shines through.

Mental illness can make life incredibly painful and challenging but pain and hardship can still be meaningful. You've got to live a life in between the cracks it leaves for you and keep pushing outward. I try to fill the cracks with music, though it's very difficult for me to play myself at the moment.

OCD isn't the kind of illness which advances as you get older so I'm sure it's possible for your life to get better at any age. I don't think you should blame yourself either. OCD is an enormous obstacle to success of any kind which most people don't have to negotiate. They would probably go insane immediately if they suddenly had to fight the kind of battles we do every day.

I realise not everybody shares my love of the Smiths but this came on the radio just as I was replying:

"There are brighter sides to life and I should know because I have seen them but not very often"

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Hmm, I do understand that way of thinking. But you are still here. You don't have to go through the any of the painful parts of the past again and while you are still here there is the possibility of good things happening, or at least meaningful things.

I thought things could never get better only two months ago; I felt utterly trapped in a situation which was soon going to kill me. But they have done. I mean it's still pretty bad but now I am able to sit here in a comfortable chair and use my laptop to write this. Two months ago I divided every day between trying to sleep and standing in a corner of the room unable to sit down or get dressed.

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Okay Bruce, ENOUGH! This self pitying talk has to stop. You've been doing this for years despite some awesome help from really knowledgeable people. What is the point of posting time and time again that you'd be better off dead? What do you want the fine people of this forum to respond with? Are you looking for pats on the back and there-theres like usual? Be honest. They don't really make you feel any better.

Only you can make the changes necessary to rise above your current plight. Constantly posting on here with your self deprecating words is not going to change your situation. You have to work at change. You have to want it and you have to do it. You can change your situation. You don't have to stay in this rut. 

Make a decision that you're going to live and that you're not going to put up with your current situation. Light a fire under you and agree that it's better to try and keep on trying than sitting there wallowing in self pity.

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I am locking this thread (and I will all future self-pitying threads).  I don't believe it's helpful for the forum to keep reading this, and seemingly by the fact we have had this type of post repeatedly from you for a long time now, I don't see them helping you either Bruces. In fact, I don't think anything can or will help until you start helping yourself.

New people to our forum may feel this is harsh, but there's been a long history of these types of posts, and some good, helpful, practical suggestions made which rarely get actioned.

Things can change Bruces, things can and do get better Bruces and we will be here to help and support you, we want to help you but we can't help until you start helping yourself and putting one foot in front of another.

Please take some time to review your past threads Bruces (link here) and read some of the great advice given to you, and I believe one of my moderators has been helping you in PM a lot too, re-read their suggestions.  There's loads of good advice there already.

Ashley

 

 

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