I don't believe it

[Chelsie]

Sonetimes it feels like life has it in for me  

Worked really hard to overcome this afternoon's anxiety and pretty much avoided all compulsions.  Went for dinner at my mum's and forced myself to sit in the seat I've been avoiding recently because I saw my nephew climb all over it with his shoes on and it's where my mum always puts her handbag, which I accidentally stepped on the strap of last weekend.  Didn't give in - fought it al the way.  Real success. 

Got home and went to take my propanolol before bed.  Looked down at the strip after putting tablet in my mouth and there is a blob of blood on the foil.  I'm guessing that it has come from the hang nail on my thumb (although I squeezed it and no more blood came out) and that if it had been there previously and was from the pharmacist or someone from the drug company's packaging staff then I would have noticed it sooner (I've been using this strip since Thursday and I'm normally pretty alert to anything that looks like blood). 

It's just not fair - I've worked so hard this evening.  Why this now? Surely I'm due a break? 

[PolarBear]

It's just blood. If it is blood. It's literally no big deal. You're going to run into things that look like blood through your whole life. You have to get used to it. Don't let OCD tell you it's a big deal.

[Chelsie]

I'm trying not to think about it. Just could have done without it this evening. 

[Chelsie]

Anxiety over this incident running riot this morning.  I'm so fed up with all this.  Feels like 1 step forward, 2 back.  Don't know that I'll ever be able to conquer it. 

[taurean]

OK let's rewind. 

It's your blood - you've been using that strip, no-one else, and you've identified the likely culprit. 

End of story. 

Your brain is scanning for blood, and potential trails from it, everywhere. When you find it, anxiety goes into overdrive. 

If Bear and I see a drop of blood, it's just blood - without any alert being sounded. 

[Chelsie]

Thanks for the quick reply.  Bad timing this panic this morning as I'm in a hurry to go to work.  I had to touch another strip from the same box as can't not take my meds.  Then washed hands.  Then realised had touched soap and tap with hands I touched meds with.  Contamination everywhee.  Feeling terrible. 

[taurean]

1 minute ago, Chelsie said:

Anxiety over this incident running riot this morning.  I'm so fed up with all this.  Feels like 1 step forward, 2 back.  Don't know that I'll ever be able to conquer it. 

Sure you will. You have it in your mindset that it is dangerous, a threat, repulsive. 

We don't. We never had a learned behaviour that it was dangerous or repulsive. 

At some point in your life you acquired this and not before, then it escalated. There was some seeding event, possibly becoming a first aider. 

When did you first start running with this theme, what was the causation? 

My wife was in a train accident where lots of people were injured and lost their lives. 

How does she deal with that?  She got back on trains. But she learned that those travelling in certain carriages are most at risk of such an accident, so she won't travel in those carriages. 

[Chelsie]

It started once when I was given a letter in an envelope and there was blood on it. About 6 years ago I think.  OCD started about 20 yrs ago, though - started with checking and worries I'd run someone over in the car. 

[taurean]

4 minutes ago, Chelsie said:

Thanks for the quick reply.  Bad timing this panic this morning as I'm in a hurry to go to work.  I had to touch another strip from the same box as can't not take my meds.  Then washed hands.  Then realised had touched soap and tap with hands I touched meds with.  Contamination everywhee.  Feeling terrible. 

There is no contamination Chelsie it's all irrelevant nonsense. 

That is your goal and you can get there. 

[taurean]

3 minutes ago, Chelsie said:

It started once when I was given a letter in an envelope and there was blood on it. About 6 years ago I think.  OCD started about 20 yrs ago, though - started with checking and worries I'd run someone over in the car. 

There you go. You were fine before that without panic or rituals. 

You have gone and "discovered"  a threat that is really microcosmic and nothing we are told to address, and it's massively dominant now. 

It's another OCD theme, but nothing more than that. 

Off you go now, let your work be your distraction. 

 

Edited January 16, 2017 by taurean
amendment