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Uncertain about how to be uncertain & recovery is becoming confusing


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Obsessing about crafting the perfect recovery from OCD is the very definition of counterproductive (and irony I guess!). I'm very much of the same ilk. Ultimately though, it's reaching a destination of relative peace that's important, not perfecting the journey.

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You keep going over and over it - this is ruminating. 

Daniels, stop doing this. 

Forget what the therapist said - stop focusing on it, obsessing about it. 

It is pointless and you are buying the traps that OCD lays. 

Anyone doing this, whatever the manifestation, digs a hole from which they can't climb out, and they stay stuck. 

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5 hours ago, saddaniels said:

I know I'm doing it, yet at the same time, this issue feels extremely important to figure out.

If the issue didn't feel important nobody would do ruminations. Accept that 'it feels important' is just a feeling that is part of the OCD, not a sign that something actually IS important. :no: 

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Everything about ERP is about living life backwards. The therapy itself is extremely unethical & shouldn't be used in the treatment of OCD. I've tried getting used to settings I don't like, but I can't do it. I've tried putting them off like certified professionals have asked me to do and habituate to them being off from how I like them. I've tried. I've pushed myself to the point of insanity trying, but I haven't succeeded. Honestly I'm just ready to die. I don't care about living anymore. I need a quick way out of this soon or im not going to make it much longer.

Edited by saddaniels
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ERP is NOT about living life backwards. That is your own personal twisted view of ERP. ERP is not unethical and should be used in the treatment of OCD. Your experience with it is rocky.

The one thing you need to do is keep stopping yourself every time you slide into rumination about ERP. Just don't go there. You don't need it right now. You shouldn't care at all about the settings on your TV. At this time you do not need to figure anything out to do with ERP. Every time you slip into ruminating, you need to pull yourself back and switch your attention onto something else.

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I understand sitting with the thought that may TV may or may not be on settings I don't like/settings that are screwed up & then not performing compulsions. Honestly, this sounds ideal to me.

What makes little sense to me is why my behavioral specialists asked me to set them off intentionally and sit with that anxiety. There must have been a purpose to that. The purpose isn't clear to me & this is where I'm getting stuck. Its like a broken record.

Yes, I may be verbally ruminating right now, but if I stay confused, how do I get better? Yes, I'm afraid if I don't follow therapy guidelines correctly I will not get better. Yes, that is the fear.

Edited by saddaniels
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  • 5 months later...

Hi everyone.

I've been working hard at my mental health lately. Really trying to grasp the concept that nothing is certain, everyone has different opinions/views, etc. I'm trying to view CBT as a metaphor for LIFE & that there is no right way to go about it.

It's late where I live, but I just wanted to thank all of you, especially you PolarBear, for keeping my head above water at the beginning of this year/in the past/currently. I think of the people on this forum daily, mainly as motivation to keep going forward.

 

OCD UK rocks .

PS. This is the last time I'll ever post on this thread because it's time to move on :). See you all on the board, in different threads. 

Edited by saddaniels
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