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Guilt over thoughts during sex?


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I'm embarrassed to even post this.. but while having loving sex with my boyfriend, I sometimes think of porn I've seen (sometimes lesbian) or fantasies. Not to take away from the moment but sometimes it just get me there... 

I never thought twice about this (we've been together for almost 3 years) and I would never want to share these little thoughts with my boyfriend. But the guilt flooded in last night, pretty much immediately and I feel that "ping" of sickness in my stomach that often comes with a new trend or morphing OCD. 

My good friend who understands my OCD put in a way that helped. She said, "if you go to the bathroom do you tell your boyfriend what you did? No... it's assumed. You don't need to share everything..These are your thoughts."

I see a lot of posts on here about people having intrusive, unwanted thoughts during sex. Not much on wanted thoughts and guilt around them. 

Any words of wisdom? A lot of my OCD is around things that happened in the past and needing to put it away and move on.. but what if it's something like sex that I clearly plan on doing in the future? How can I help my mind so this form of OCD doesn't creep into my sex life? I can hear my OCD almost trying to make me think that maybe If I have to think of those things it's not working. But he's everything to me, in every area. Is this normal human behavior and my OCD is trying to make it bigger then it is?? I really can't tell. 

Edited by paco5959
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Hi paco

You think you've got problems... last night I ran out of other people to think about whilst having sex with my partner! That was a wee joke. Seriously though, it's our actions that define us not our thoughts. I'll wager such thoughts cross EVERYONE's mind at some point during lovemaking. Non-OCD sufferers just watch them pass by, secure in the knowledge that they're meaningless and have no bearing whatsoever on the relationship. Be kinder to yourself by adopting the same attitude. It's fine not to scrutinise your thoughts.

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Ah this resonated with me so much lol, because this time last year I was tearing my hair out over the exact same thing! During therapy I've learned that we can have wanted thoughts and fantasies but it's the meaning we attach to them that make the problems for us and breeding ground for OCD! My therpaist said everyone thinks about other people during sex, and asked me does this make them serial cheaters? I said no and he said well then! People just don't talk about these things yet everyone does it! It's normal. Don't let OCD attach meaning to normal run of the mill sexual practices! X

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20 hours ago, OceanDweller said:

Hi paco

You think you've got problems... last night I ran out of other people to think about whilst having sex with my partner! That was a wee joke. Seriously though, it's our actions that define us not our thoughts. I'll wager such thoughts cross EVERYONE's mind at some point during lovemaking. Non-OCD sufferers just watch them pass by, secure in the knowledge that they're meaningless and have no bearing whatsoever on the relationship. Be kinder to yourself by adopting the same attitude. It's fine not to scrutinise your thoughts.

Thank you OceanDweller. It's good to laugh at it sometimes :) that made me feel better.

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2 hours ago, Wonderer said:

Ah this resonated with me so much lol, because this time last year I was tearing my hair out over the exact same thing! During therapy I've learned that we can have wanted thoughts and fantasies but it's the meaning we attach to them that make the problems for us and breeding ground for OCD! My therpaist said everyone thinks about other people during sex, and asked me does this make them serial cheaters? I said no and he said well then! People just don't talk about these things yet everyone does it! It's normal. Don't let OCD attach meaning to normal run of the mill sexual practices! X

Thank you Wonderer. 

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