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Please help I feel like iam in hell!


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I know it's ocd I get that feeling were I think it's all ocd love that then 10min into that it's ohh no its not! I've had this thought about 10 years ago but omg I wont my old thoughts bk anyday (fear my heart going to stop ;( fearing I will never sleep again very odd that one ,thought I was going to lose my mind; (thought my teeth was going to fell out I was getting people on the street to check my teeth god that was odd too )but this is the worst as I love my little boy soo much iwont to be the same mum I was last month with out this disgusting thought I just wan sit and play and watch a film with him I hate my slef I can't sleep I wan be bk to my slef .. I dread going park and if a kid comes up to me I say ohh look your mummy calling u just to get them a way when there not ; ( what the **** is this groinalresponses  it's killing me inside it really is how can this be ocd ; ( it was ok to get over it last time cos I never had a child but I've got one now I would paid a million to get it gone .. if I really like it and love the thoughts I wouldn't be on here asking for somone to tell me it's ocd and ask for help !! I don't won't sex with my husband I've gone off it completely how can I have sex with him knowing thease thought are poping up its makes me feel like a monster it really does just asking for some one to get bk and help xxxxx?I just wan go bk to a loving mummy that isn't scared to bath her child when he comes up for a cuddle it's like I've got to sit h right nxt to me never on my lap ; (it's so werid it's like I've got to be ready then I get my slef all ready my legs cross a book over my lap then he sits right next to me I hate this plz anyone xx sorry for the spelling 

Edited by Ashley
Removed sad face icon from title
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Hiya, I'm sorry ur having such an awful time, I was where u are ice and it was hell, the best thing u can do is not avoid ir son or other kids, those thoughts can come in if they like, u just continue doing what ur doing, I had this theme once and my others have been reoccurring, I think the reason this one left my alone is because I have kids and that's the biggest exposure u can have! U must not let this interfere with ur relationship with ur child because once it's gone u will be so upset that u allowed it to steal precious moments from u, especially as those thoughts are not a true reflection of you. As for the Groinals, eugh, just ignore them, they're the same as unwanted thoughts, just bodily sensations as ur focusing on that area and mentally checking for feelings! They mean absolutely nothing! X

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Your post will be understood by a lot of people including myself. This in my opinion is a particularly cruel form of OCD but it can get better. When I first moved to Cardiff my brother and his wife knew about my condition but wanted me get to know my nephew who was then a few months old and actually encouraged me to look after him and pick him up from the crèche when they were working. As he started to walk and talk it was the best feeling ever looking after him - maybe not so much changing nappies which I had never done before! I used to jump with him around the bouncy castle at the community centre but admittedly  I felt very uncomfortable when other children innocently wanted to interact with me and would "feel" like their parents were watching me so I know exactly what you mean when about your "mummy calling you" etc. but we had so much fun together -teaching him the ministry of silly walks, for example. I loved him so much and still do that until I became ill again when he was around 5 I never had any doubt about my behaviour with him - even alone in my flat. The groinal response is not indicative of arousal it is in my view more FEAR of arousal. I only went into details about some of my story above to tell you it can get better. OCD can wax and wane in my experience but with the right support and re-building your confidence and self-belief I genuinely believe you can have the relationship you crave with your child. I hope things improve for you soon. Best wishes, Phil.

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20 minutes ago, PhilM said:

Your post will be understood by a lot of people including myself. This in my opinion is a particularly cruel form of OCD but it can get better. When I first moved to Cardiff my brother and his wife knew about my condition but wanted me get to know my nephew who was then a few months old and actually encouraged me to look after him and pick him up from the crèche when they were working. As he started to walk and talk it was the best feeling ever looking after him - maybe not so much changing nappies which I had never done before! I used to jump with him around the bouncy castle at the community centre but admittedly  I felt very uncomfortable when other children innocently wanted to interact with me and would "feel" like their parents were watching me so I know exactly what you mean when about your "mummy calling you" etc. but we had so much fun together -teaching him the ministry of silly walks, for example. I loved him so much and still do that until I became ill again when he was around 5 I never had any doubt about my behaviour with him - even alone in my flat. The groinal response is not indicative of arousal it is in my view more FEAR of arousal. I only went into details about some of my story above to tell you it can get better. OCD can wax and wane in my experience but with the right support and re-building your confidence and self-belief I genuinely believe you can have the relationship you crave with your child. I hope things improve for you soon. Best wishes, Phil.

Great post Phil.

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Sorry just log on to this my inter went down it soo hard I hate it soo much I wish it would go I can go hrs with out that horriblefeeling when I think of it its there I wish it would go ??? wan be normal again xxx I won't my old thoughts bkx

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I had a party to go to yesterday and that horrible feeling f wasn't really there cos I wa taking and sorting my little one out its like a worry so much when I have it its gets worse I feel so down at the momentI won't to be happy again ?x

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