Jump to content

Help with "Backdoor Spikes"


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone. I'm 21 and have been dealing with OCD on and off since I was about 14, and I got a significant 'flareup' three months ago. This flareup just made me realize I need to get treatment so I have bought several books on mindfulness, CBT, ERP and OCD that have been helping a lot. (Been meaning to see a therapist but it hasn't happened yet. It will happen soon) The books and reading have done wonders already, I have not had a panic attack in a couple of weeks and was having them every night and just felt uncomfortable in general. I am learning a lot about ERP and look forward to doing it in therapy; I have done it on my own but still feel I need help.

Recently I feel light anxiety only, which sounds good theoretically, but it worried me a bit last night when I was spiked and did not feel panic like I used to. I learned this is a backdoor spike? My brain has habituated itself to most of the obsessive thoughts, and since that is the case, it tells me that they're true since I'm not crying and shaking and nauseated in response to the 'obsessions'. It's like the panic attacks are now my way of 'knowing' I don't want my OCD obsession to be true..so when my brain treats them like it should, it doesn't feel right. An example is that I was very worried and wanted to check my old broken laptop because OCD told me I downloaded illegal material without knowing, and whenevr I was on the computer or my phone I was very worried that I would come across a bad site or link. But suddenly it does not worry so much, so my brain says "You want to download that, you want to click bad links, etc." Um no? Why would my worst fear become a desire in just a few days?

Ugh. I am hoping this is a sign that I am getting over it, but I do not know how to approach this. Does anyone have any tips or links to resources about this? Thanks for reading.

Edited by hejsa
Link to comment

Hi and welcome to the forum.

You Need to realize that the thoughts you are having that say you want to fo bad things are themselves intrusive thoughts. The solution is to ignore them and not ruminate over them. This is just a sneaky trick OCD does. It's still an obsession amd you treat it as such.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, hejsa said:

I learned this is a backdoor spike?

Another of those made-up names that have become popular in some quarters but means zilch. :dry:  I suggest you avoid the habit of referring to your symptoms in these 'street' terms as they give too much importance to the experience and make people believe there's something special going on with them when it's just plain old OCD. Good therapists don't use these non-medical terms and people who properly understand how OCD works don't need to use them either. 

Anyway, to answer your question, no of course the absence of panic attack symptoms doesn't mean you suddenly desire the things you previously feared. It means you've learned to dismiss the thoughts as meaningless and as a result are no longer getting inappropriate panic attacks.

But instead of accepting you've made progress you've gone looking for the familiarity of OCD and come up with a misinterpretation of your thoughts and feelings to fit the bill. Stop looking for OCD symptoms when they aren't apparent. Keep to the new way of thinking you've learned in your books which helped you accept the fears of illegal downloads as meaningless thoughts. These new thoughts that 'there must be something wrong because I'm not panicked' are just the same sort of nonsense as the original download-related fears. 

There's no special or different treatment needed. 

Link to comment
10 hours ago, hejsa said:

Recently I feel light anxiety only, which sounds good theoretically, but it worried me a bit last night when I was spiked and did not feel panic like I used to. I learned this is a backdoor spike?

Like Snowbear says, there is no such thing as a backdoor spike. What you describe there is an OCD 'obsession' and it's important you recognise it for what it is, an obsession if you want to make progress in tackling OCD.

 

10 hours ago, hejsa said:

Why would my worst fear become a desire in just a few days?

It's hasn't, it's just that your OCD makes you 'feel' that it has and as we all know. OCD is a big fat liar! :)   It's simply another doubt and fear turning into an obsession (not a backdoor spike). 

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...