Fear of harmin baby

[Worriedmum81]

I am a mum to a 5 week old baby and for the past couple of weeks been suffering the most frightening and debilitating thoughts about purposely harming my baby. I fear that I will throw her and have the urge which turns by body into a statue and makes me even worse because then I have the thought that I nearly did throw her and feel intense guilt. I have been taking sertraline for a number of years now and have just been prescribed 25mg of quetiapine twice a day which I am reluctant to take because now I have the thought that these new tablets may make me act out of character and cause me to act out my thoughts. I am in despair at the moment and just want to have 1 hour of peace without the thoughts.

[Gareth22]

Hiya I know how bad this is I've had thoughts of hurting people for over 20 years they go for a couple of years and come back now I have a two year old son I have the same thoughts which then turn into urges but that's all they are you won't ever do these things it's OCD making you check the thoughts over and over again your not a bad person for thinking the thoughts and you won't act on them purely because you find them so repulsive if you were gonna do it you would enjoy having the thoughts

[PhilM]

I'm not going to comment on the medication although I am familiar with it but you will not hurt your baby - that is not reassurance. The thoughts perpetuate in my opinion because you find them scary - understandably as a mum with a vulnerable baby. The thoughts are not a reflection of you or intent - it's a damn cruel disorder but I avoided children for many years and then - wow - I could cuddle nieces and nephews and friends of mine's children. Please believe me when I say I know how horrible it is to have this doubt but you will not hurt your child. Have you got a partner you can discuss this with? Best wishes, Phil.

[Justine]

The only way to lessen the thoughts is to not react to them. You will also be beyond tired at this point with a baby. You won't hurt her, its just thoughts and your mind playing tricks. The more you react as if it were true the more thoughts you get. Easier said than done. I never found meds helped, cbt is very good. 

[Wonderer]

Heya, so, u know how OCD works, our obsessions are only ever things we find horrifying and nobody does things they find horrifying! As for the meds, everyone is different but I found when I had quitiapine added to my medication that they were immensely helpful, they helped me sleep and my thoughts became less, as I say everyone is different though, but no matter what u decide to do u will never carry out ur thoughts, no medication will make u do that!xx

[Guest]

First of all, you cannot stop the thought from appearing in your head.

When I say, "don't raise your right hand", you can do it.

When I say, "don't think about blue", what comes first in your head? It's blue. Before you try to control your mind, "blue" has emerged, as if you flip the switch, and the light is on immediately. When the word "blue" reaches your ears, the image of blue will immediately appear in your head. You don't even have time to control it. So you cannot stop the thought from appearing in your head. You can realize those crazy and irrational thoughts in your head, but you cannot stop them from appearing.

Likewise, you can't let thoughts get out of your head. You can forget them, but you can't let them disappear on your own initiative. What are you doing when you fear an idea, hate an idea and try to get rid of them? You are focusing your attention on them. You are staring at them. And at this time you ask, “I’ve opened my eyes widely. And I’m staring at them intensely. Why don’t they get out of my sight?” How can they get out of your sight? It is you who create them. And you still remind yourself not to forget them and not to put your eyes off them. If you keep on staring at them like this, even after 10,000 years they will not disappear from your sight. In fact, the solution is very simple. You only need to turn round and shift your focus to some other place. And then they will disappear from your sight.

[Guest]

Normal people occasionally have irrational and immoral ideas. But they are not like you. They will not say these ideas are bad and I have to suppress them and restrain them. Instead, they regard these ideas as normal and ordinary ideas, just like those ideas in daily life: I’m hungry. How about get something to eat? I’m getting out. Which clothes should I wear? Where can I go to have some fun after work? ... So the bad ideas just flash through their heads and have no more influence on them. When facing these bad ideas, you just need to stay indifferent and don't care about them too much. Then, these ideas will naturally float to you and float away, leaving nothing behind, just like clouds in the sky. This attitude of indifference and carelessness is the key to curing OCD.