What should my partner tell me when I am anxious

[NicoletteCB]

My partner is having issues with dealing with me and my ocd. She is quite supportive, but when I'm going through an anxiety attack from instrusive thoughts, she doesn't know what to tell me. I will sometimes experience repetative thoughts in public that I will vomit, die, go blind, go deaf, have a sezuire, faint, or any other health issue in public. Mostly vomiting though. I tend to text her and worry about it and she's unsure what to tell me in these moments...

I had an ex who when I had these panics, she'd reassure me and tell me I won't vomit..but then it became a compulsion for me to have her tell me that...so I don't want to go down that path again.

 

What are some basic things my partner can tell me while I'm going through an anxious moment with the ocd that can calm or distract or help me through it? I'm asking on her behalf honestly.

 

As a side note, I myself don't know how to  deal with this particular obsession. I've had it since I was 10. When I begin to fear I will vomit, I feel physically "sick" and begin to worry even more that I will vomit. Usually I will sometimes have a panic attack then or physically feel anxiety. It's hard to distract myself or tell myself it is just ocd, because I know someday I will possibly throw up again, although the main fear is I will have a health issue in public but the minor one is just throwing up in general. I had a bad vomiting experience at 15 and had to go to the hospital, this left me thinking I was going to die. Before that though I was generally afraid of vomiting in public because in middle school a boy threw up in class and a majority of the students were disgusted. I really don't want to capeture people's attentions on me in a bad way. 

[Ashley]

5 hours ago, NicoletteCB said:

What are some basic things my partner can tell me while I'm going through an anxious moment with the ocd that can calm or distract or help me through it? I'm asking on her behalf honestly.

Good questions to ask, and I guess sometimes we all have to find our own way of making things work. It's great that you have identified your ex giving you reassurance is not the way to go though!

I seem to recall Prof Salkovskis once suggesting to one parent of a child with OCD (but could work with a partner too) is simply.... don't be a therapist, be mum/partner and give your loved one a hug, tell them you love them.  He explained this is offering your loved one reassurance, but emotional reassurance not OCD reassurance. 

Another couple I know, the husbands would make a joke of the situation.. this needs to be done carefully but his wife with OCD knew it was not joking at her, at the OCD and somehow that always worked for them. 

So you see, there is no set response, it is about finding something that works for you. 

[OceanDweller]

Hi Nicolette. I myself am an emetophobe. It's the fear of losing control, which is why it's heightened in public places because you would be vulnerable amidst strangers. I used to panic if I felt nauseous. Sheer, uncontrolled panic. Then I received a timely reminder that bring sick really isn't a huge deal, and the panic I was creating over it was far less tolerable. These days, if I were to vomit in public (or faint, or lose control of my bladder!) I'm quite sure I would just laugh. After all, chances are if it happened away from my home I'd be spared having to clean it up! Sorry to anyone who's ever had to mop up sick. Just trying to demonstrate that there is a silver lining.

[PolarBear]

I think the bigger issue is that you need to have your own set of tools that you can rely on when you get really anxious. Your partner should gently remind you to use your tools.

By tools I mean calming techniques, relaxation, mindfulness, taking your mind off the perceived problem and focusing on something else.