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Advice needed please


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Okay so hi everyone :)

im looking for some advice and im truely stuck :( 

So for as long as i can remember my Ocd has focussed around my heath and really bad things happening as strange as it sounds like paranormal things, scary world things and the end of the world stuff. I was always a nervous wreck growing up.

i had my children and after all three births i had nasty intrusive thoughts of me losing control and hurting them. Drs did nothing so after the third i paid privately for cbt, that got rid of my intrusive thoughts but two years on im still suffering with the ocd in general.. i literally think of bad stuff all day and obsess by googling and im then overeating, drinking like 3 bottles of wine a week and chainsmoking through fear. And its all in a strange routine throughout the week which im strugling to now break. 

I got given prozac and it worked for a bit with the therapy but then just stopped. Dr wouldnt up them and just reffered me to talkig therapies which ive not done yet as i felt it would not be as good as cbt.  But my cbt therapist moved away so i cant see him no more.

As a result im a mess, just wanting to sleep, be alone, irritable with everyone, pushing people away, overating and drinking and treating myself badly. prisoner of my own thoughts ?

Im sorry if this post is confusing but i am myself so confused ☹️

Thanks 

Edited by snowbear
removed swear words
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