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please help, bladder infection, fear of contamination


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Hello, I'm new here. 

I have OCD regarding cleanliness, had bits and bobs of it showing when I was little and throughout my life (eg hand washing and excessive use of baby wipes) during stressful periods but it fully manifested January 2016 when I had a complete breakdown. 

I'm honestly not feeling up to going through all of the explanation of everything right now, so I'll talk about that later down the line.

I'm on the mend, much better than I was but there's still a lot of things that concern me. My number one fear -contamination.

That means raw meat, going out and about in certain places, pooping and hygiene practices and right now particularly a bladder infection is stressing me out beyond belief. I know it's irrational and ridiculous. But I'm still finding it hard to be rational.

I'm scared of the bacteria in my own pee. I use pine essential oil, tea tree or eucalyptus on baby wipes when going for a number 2, up until last night I used it every single time I had a bath. (no shower here) when I say bath I mean soaping up, crouching like a weirdo in the bath and rinsing off carefully as to avoid splashing bacteria all over the place. or at least that's what im telling myself. I rarely actually run the bath, and if I do I have to be squeaky clean before I will sit in it, I won't even lie back in it yet. 

Anyway because of my bladder infection... after peeing I use baby wipes covered in strong essential oils, usually infused with about 6-11 drops or more. So strong it constantly fumigates the bathroom and even the rest of our house if i'm not careful. 

This in my mind protects me, even though I know it's probably doing more harm. I can't stand the thought of even a  minute splash of pee being on me when I have a bladder infection. I spend so long with these wipes in the bathroom I can take 10-30 minutes each time I go for a pee making the process that is supposed to be getting rid of my infection by peeing it out so stressful I even avoid it. Yes with a bladder infection. How convoluted is that.

I take d-mannose tablets, probiotics, multivits and manuka honey 20+. Along with blueberries and natural yoghurt for breakfast with weetabix, the lowest sugar cereal I could find to help hinder bacterial growth. I've been drinking much more than usual but i need to drink more. 

My issue is.. I'm going away and I'm going to have to keep forcing myself to drink...and forcing myself to use public toilets which im scared of in themselves. I always hover over the loo's in public as I worry about the seats which in turn can occasionally lead to accidental splashes. which would mean me thinking im now covered in ecoli or whatever other bacteria that currently resides in my bladder, I won't be able to take many wipes if any and will be stuck with loo roll and no pine oil, and most likely no sufficient bin for putting wipes in. 

It just all seems too much, but I have to go away and I want to enjoy my holiday. It may on be a short break but its important.I want a bit of retail therapy and to enjoy the free drinks at the hotel and the real ale, or just a glass of wine with my boyfriend. 

But with my bladder infection alcohol will make it worse and so will all the sugary treats I was so looking forward to. 

Does anyone have any words of wisdom, comforting thoughts or anything at all that will help me.

Thanks 

 

Edited by ShakenCitadel
Clarifying topic
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Hi and welcome to the forum.

The simple fact is, all the precautions you are taking are complete nonsense. OCD is telling you there us a monumentally huge risk when there isn't one. You respond by doing compulsions. And everything you said you do is a compulsion. Those compulsions aren't making you any safer or making your situation any better. They're locking you in to a never ending, fruitless cycle.

What you need is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT. You need to learn that the thoughts are nonsense and you don't have to do those compulsions. Then slowly you need to wean yourself off of them.

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Hi, thank you for the reply and welcome. 

I think I really needed to hear that. So thank you. 

The thing is I've been seeing a CPN who is trained in CBT and has tried doing some of that with me but she stopped with it quite a while ago. I've told her I'm still using too many oils, the fact she knows I'm using them like that in such a quantity and isn't giving me CBT is surely bad? 

She wanted to discharge me the last time I saw her. My other half thinks I perhaps painted to good of a picture for her but I was feeling very positive at the time, now I just feel like I'm loosing more control over it. I have to say I definitely don't think I'm ready to be discharged and expressed that I thought I needed longer with her, so as a result she scheduled two more appointments-but  very spaced out over a couple of months so she could see how I improved over a longer time period. I personally think it should be much more regularly. I even contacted her to bring it forward. 

How regularly would I have to get CBT for it to really help?  

I just started re introducing myself back into work so I think the stress of that is impacting everything drastically and while I am improving with my mentality there I feel like I'm letting things slip elsewhere. 

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Hi SC

Under the NICE guidelines for OCD, treatment is based on a stepped care model, with six levels of care. If at any level after therapy there is not a significant improvement to your OCD symptoms, your care should be stepped up to more intensive treatment until significant improvement has been made.

You are right to doubt your CPNs decision to discharge you whilst you still feel your OCD greatly impacts on your life, and I would suggest you discuss with her the stepped care model, and ask her to refer you on to a higher level of support.

There is lots of info on the NICE guidelines for OCD, and the stepped care approach. Below is a link to levels 3-5. 

https://pathways.nice.org.uk/pathways/obsessive-compulsive-disorder#path=view%3A/pathways/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/steps-35-treatment-options-for-adults-with-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-or-body-dysmorphic-disorder.xml&content=view-index

Good luck and remember you deserve more support.

 

 

 

Edited by Buttercup
Typo!
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