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I posted a topic this morning that no one responded to - just reread it and realised it sounded a bit flippant. Certainly wasn't meant that way - I was feeling really stressed and was trying to use a bit of humour to diffuse this, but wasn't the best way to express myself. 

I'm so disappointed in myself for letting things slip back to my present position.  I had a bad patch Dec/Jan but things got much better. The OCD never goes away, but I'd got to the point where it wasn't controlling my life and I could enjoy life.  The past few days I can feel myself slipping back rapidly. 

 

Thnking about this, it seems that my OCD follows a pattern. Dec/Jan and July/Aug always seem the worst times. Must put some thought into why this is so. 

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Hi Chelsie. I didn't respond to your post because I don't suffer from contamination issues and therefore didn't feel qualified to offer any meaningful input. I did, however, think it was quite humorous. And I have no idea why you're apologising!

Edited by OceanDweller
Went and spelled Chelsie wrong didn't I?!
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Hi Chelsie

I don't think you need to apologise either. Sometimes the right person just isn't online when you need it.

I do suffer from contamination but my family don't know anything about my diagnosis so my advice may not help.

Intrusive thoughts are awful especially through the night, it always seems at least 10 times worse by morning. Not sure where you are with your treatment etc. Have you done any ERP/CBT? I find it easier to take one step at a time. Start easy and build to a level of anxiety you can manage.

For example I went crazy golfing last week. I touched the golf club but my friend retrieved the ball. This built to the point that I lifted the flag and she removed the ball for me. I still had issues with her touching the ball but was a lower anxiety than doing it myself. The next time it will be my turn!

To help with the thoughts try writing a pro's and con's list to your concern or I find reading whilst listening to music and the tv a good distraction if all else fails.

Hope this helps. Good luck with your recovery.

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Thanks sb21 - glad it isn't just me with the crazy golf! I actually managed to touch the call etc and only used some hand gel surreptitiously at the very end.  Went back to have lunch with family and had a lovely afternoon.

Got home and it was almost as if holding it in all day meant it had to come out.  Ended up washing hands many times and finding everything felt contaminated.  Have now forced myself to sit down and relax - Harry Potter on in 10 mins and hoping this will be a distraction.  Feel like going and hiding in bed but determined not to give in to this. 

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Totally get the need to soothe. Be proud of your success today. Be careful you don't use one safety behaviour to compensate for another. You could give yourself a time to wait before using gel and then extend this each time.  Its something im still working on. If I can't wash my hands I find I take endless showers, clean a side etc which then cleans my hands too. This was the reason my therapist suggested smaller steps and introduce a waiting time before washing. Some success is better than no success as it motivates you to move forward. 

Enjoy Harry Potter hope the distraction helps. :whistling:

 

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Harry Potter working a bit - heart racing a bit! This morning felt like a success - hand gel was in my pocket but held out and didn't use it until after the 18th hole.  Also touched my phone during the game but have resisted the urge to get the antibacterial wipes on it! 

Got home and almost feels like my OCD is desperate to find something to latch onto. Had a can of coke in the fridge - decided to drink it,opened and started to drink. Then got this thought that it came from the slightly grotty off licence near me - worried mice might have crawled over it.  Then the panic/washing cycle starts. 

 

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This is natural, your stress levels are high from doing such an amazing job today.  Try to be kind to yourself. You need to try to let the thoughts pass (easier said than done, I know). You know your thoughts are irrational or you wouldn't be questioning your compulsion. Don't want to reassure you as that won't help either,  try to focus on your successes from today and how you will use this to help move forward tomorrow. 

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Hi Chelsie,

Just wanted to say too that you have no reason to apologise. I didn't respond either because I'm still learning myself about OCD and the best approach and my themes are different so I wasn't sure how to help. 

I hope you're enjoying Harry Potter, I love those films.

Be kind to yourself and know that you did so brilliantly today. ?

Edited by Emsie
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