Feeling guilty for not entertaining thoughts

[jlmdfem]

Hi

I've been a lot better recently as I haven't been listening to my thoughts or trying to figure them out - big steps for me! I think it's because i just simply can't be bothered to get into the whole process of it, but I do have this feeling of guilt ALL the time. Like I feel guilty because i feel like I should be trying to figure them out and feel guilty because the nature of the thoughts I did have were so awful. Is this normal?

[Skullpops]

This is typical of OCD, sorry I can't offer much help but hopefully knowing it's OCD is helpful! 

[St Mike]

10 hours ago, jlmdfem said:

Like I feel guilty because i feel like I should be trying to figure them out and feel guilty because the nature of the thoughts I did have were so awful. Is this normal?

It is normal for OCD sufferers. Yupe, OCD just wants to the sufferer to feel guilty, anxious, fearful, doubtful and suck them back into the intrusive thought - compulsion cycle. I too experienced intense guilt in the past. 

The following are some suggestions I have to tackle guilt caused by OCD.

One simple way is to tackle the guilt by using mindfulness. Refocusing thoughts, and feelings to the task at hand, be in at work or daily activities e.g household chores, studies, exercise etc. The less focus on the guilt, the weaker it becomes. But in my opinion, that only reduces the impact and frequency of the feelings of guilt. 

To tackle the root cause of the guilt and end feeling of guilt, the sufferer has to let go of the guilt. Understand that it is an involuntary intrusive thought is causing the guilt. This is immensely difficult for the OCD sufferer. I know first hand because it took me about 6 to 7 years to let go of the guilt.

I did it by forgiving myself. For some sufferers, they can't do this because their OCD is so ingrained, it has caused them to think that forgiving themselves means that they had committed a wrong act in the first place, which to me is one sad and horrendous aspect of OCD and this also shows how OCD can twist the act of forgiveness itself. 

The reason I used forgiveness is to help me avoid the trap of analysing my own intrusive thoughts which are involuntary and illogically in the first place. By forgiving myself, I wiped the slate clean and cast off the shackles of guilt forever. Because when someone truly forgives with their heart, they don't care of the past anymore, they don't bear grudges anymore, as the saying goes to "Forgive and Forget" and "let bygones be bygones". It doesn't really matter what was done or who done what to whom, I don't want to bother about all these things anymore, I just want to get better and feel better, so I forgave myself first. It was when I chuck all guilt away, I was able to really appreciate and understand that OCD had twisted my mind so much and blown things so out of proportion that I was actually feeling guilty over involuntary intrusive thoughts, I was so silly!

Another method I can think of is using the 3rd person perspective. Think of a friend suffering OCD who is feeling very guilty of his/her intrusive thoughts. Understanding OCD and what you have learned about OCD, what would you tell this friend and how would you treat this friend? Has this friend really done anything wrong? Does this friend deserve your kindness? Does this friend really need to feel guilty over his/her intrusive thoughts? Turn around and apply the answers to yourself, it may help lessen the impact of the illogical nature of OCD and the guilt that came with it.

Edited August 9, 2017 by St Mike

[Oceanblue]

Omg I just want to say thank you so much for this post St Mike! I too struggle with guilt associated with intrusive thoughts and the possibility of there being any truth to them and this post really makes so much sense. I think ultimately forgiveness is key and it doesn't mean that you're accepting your terrible OCD fears as being true but rather just choosing to set yourself free. My only downfall however would be the fear that someone else may be hurting because of me causing panic attacks  (my ocd is fear of having caused irreparable  harm to others) but I guess this is included in being able to fully reconcile these fears to the past and move on.

[Horsey]

Incredible post St Mike! I often think 'I might miss the thoughts and the magical thinking and the chatter' mostly I just want to be rid of the noise but wow. Thank you.

[efes]

As for me, I'm nervous again about something. I'm trying to distract, but I'm still nervous.

[jlmdfem]

St Mike

Thank you so much for your post - that is what I have to do, everything you have described. Just let go of the OCD entirely - easier said than done we all know haha. But there really is no point in it as it is meaningless (even as I'm typing that my OCD is telling me otherwise but trying to ignore it). It's such a relief hearing someone else had their OCD so ingrained in them that they couldn't believe they could forgive themselves, but you did! And I am definitely going to be able to if I work at it. 

Thank you and good luck to you all x

[St Mike]

On 10/08/2017 at 08:22, Oceanblue said:

I think ultimately forgiveness is key and it doesn't mean that you're accepting your terrible OCD fears as being true but rather just choosing to set yourself free

This is precisely the point I have been advocating all this while. As I got older, I had come to realise that what is in your mind can affect what is in your heart and what is in your heart can affect what is in your mind. It goes both ways. Feelings can change thoughts and thoughts can change feelings. 

I had tapped and utilised the powerful emotion of forgiveness to combat the guilt. The thing is, you forgive with your heart, not with your mind. OCD had messed up my mind for so long, I couldn't get over the guilt. As much as I tried to rationalised, I just couldn't let go. Until that is, I decided to forgive myself with all my heart. It was an act of letting go, an act of self-compassion and loving kindness. With that, I managed to coat my heart with "Forgiveness Teflon", the guilt just does slips away, it doesn't stick any more. I felt so good after I did that, the weight of the shackles of guilt was completely lifted, the change in emotion also made me more clear-headed because my mind was no longer clouded by my guilt; thereafter, I lost the urge to do compulsions and that marked the turning point in my battle against OCD.

I am somewhat gobsmacked when I hear comments from people in general saying they are not sure of such a thing as self-compassion or self-love. Perhaps, it is the pressures of modern society, the politics, the clinical coldness of using numbers and figures, focusing on profit margins, market share etc, that makes quite a number of us so cynical even to ourselves, we've lost the ability to be kind and gentle to ourselves which is really unfortunate and sad in my opinion. 

It is with all sincerity, I wish every OCD sufferer, whatever stage of recovery they are in, to cut themselves some slack, give themselves a pat on the back now and then, treat that V.I.P with kindness and compassion. That V.I.P is YOU. 

- Mike 

 

 

Edited August 12, 2017 by St Mike

[lostinme]

Great post St Mike 

This is definitely one thing I hadnt really noticed regarding myself that has changed some what regarding my recovery. 

It use to torture me about past relationships and past mistakes and I'd feel a terrible guilt that hung over me for some time seeing everything as though I was this terrible bad person. This caused me a lot of depression over a long period of time and I've only just started seeing things clearly and forgiving myself for my past mistakes. These things were not major and just part of every day life and unfortunately I over catastrophised making everything seem a lot worse than it actually was and just seeing myself as a bad person. 

I have learnt to forgive myself for the first time and I like who I am because I am a nice, kind and caring person. This as lifted my depression and replaced it with more positive emotions. 

Thank you so much for sharing this 

 

 

[St Mike]

On 13/08/2017 at 05:29, lostinme said:

I have learnt to forgive myself for the first time and I like who I am because I am a nice, kind and caring person. This as lifted my depression and replaced it with more positive emotions. 

Thank you so much for sharing this 

That is a wonderful thing to hear, Lost. Excuse the late reply, I have been travelling the region. You will always have my support and as I have always said, I have tremendous respect for individuals such as yourself who put in so much effort to not only help yourself but also others to combat OCD.

OCD or otherwise, when I am feeling down,  what I do is to step aside and look through the lens or the eyes of a 3rd party as mentioned in my earlier post. I look at this person and count the blessings of this person who is feeling down, quoting in essence of our good friend Ocean Dweller "being born in a 1st world country and even though doing a boring 9 to 5 job is like hitting the lottery of life." He (me) should thank his good Karma, that he was born in a very rich country in the Far East, though not with a silver spoon, he had 3 meals a day and received a good education. He didn't receive 1st class honours at University, but he managed to learn to speak and write 4 different languages over the years. He is not the smartest, the richest  (nor the best-looking) or the highest ranking but he is contented with what he has, his friends, his family. Most important of all, he finally and truly understood the pointless need to feel guilty over intrusive thoughts. I turn around and say wow, d*mn, I am so lucky. 

This is not reassurance, this to me is looking at things objectively. Be it depression, OCD, these conditions cause the mind to focus on all the negative aspects of life or the situation the sufferer is experiencing and exaggerate them, blow them out of proportion causing so much pain and suffering to the sufferer. Turning the squeak of a little mouse into a lion's roar, quoting my often used catchphrase. When you realised that, it is a big fat lie, it is not the end of the world, when there are other aspects of your life, more positive aspects, to focus upon, you start to realise, hey my life is more than depression or OCD or whatever condition that is causing all the negative feelings. It gives you a sense of hope and a sense of a direction which turns you away from the depressive, guilt/anxiety/shame-filled state you are experiencing. This is not a cure, but a technique, a kind of psychological check and balance to counter the noxious effects of the mental condition the sufferer is going through. 

Take care, Lost 

Stay Happy

Mike

Edited September 10, 2017 by St Mike

[lostinme]

37 minutes ago, St Mike said:

That is a wonderful thing to hear, Lost. Excuse the late reply, I have been travelling the region. You will always have my support and as I have always said, I have tremendous respect for individuals such as yourself who put in some much effort to not only help yourself but also others to combat OCD.

OCD or otherwise, when I am feeling down,  what I do is to step aside and look through the lens or the eyes of a 3rd party as mentioned in my earlier post. I look at this person and count the blessings of this person who is feeling down, quoting in essence of our good friend Ocean Dweller "being born in a 1st world country and even though doing a boring 9 to 5 job is like hitting the lottery of life." He (me) should thank his good Karma, that he was born in a very rich country in the Far East, though not with a silver spoon, he had 3 meals a day and received a good education. He didn't receive 1st class honours at University, but he managed to learn to speak and write 4 different languages over the years. He is not the smartest, the richest  (nor the best-looking) or the highest ranking but he is contented with what he has, his friends, his family. Most important of all, he finally and truly understood the pointless need to feel guilty over intrusive thoughts. I turn around and say wow, d*mn, I am so lucky. 

This is not reassurance, this to me is looking at things objectively. Be it depression, OCD, these conditions cause the mind to focus on all the negative aspects of life or the situation the sufferer is experiencing and exaggerate them, blow them out of proportion causing so much pain and suffering to the sufferer. Turning the squeak of a little mouse into a lion's roar, quoting my often used catchphrase. When you realised that, it is a big fat lie, it is not the end of the world, when there are other aspects of your life, more positive aspects, to focus upon, you start to realise, hey my life is more than depression or OCD or whatever condition that is causing all the negative feelings. It gives you a sense of hope and a sense of a direction which turns you away from the depressive, guilt/anxiety/shame-filled state you are experiencing. This is not a cure, but a technique, a kind of psychological check and balance to counter the noxious effects of the mental condition the sufferer is going through. 

Take care, Lost 

Stay Happy

Mike

Thank you so much St Mike for yet another lovely response, you always make me feel that one day I can do this no matter how long it takes me. I'm always grateful for your very informative replys which make perfect sense and supplies me with more tools to help me on my journey. 

I'm so happy for you that you reclaimed your life back from this terrible disorder and are now an exsufferer. Hopefully one day I can get there too 

Thank you so much for sharing these things with us that helped you to achieve this. 

Take care, St Mike 

kindest regards, lost