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So, I've been trying to deny that there's anything causing my thoughts over the past couple of days, but it's not working.  The incident just keeps replaying in my head. 

I met some friends in London to see a show one evening this week.  They had gone up earlier in the day.  As I was walking towards our meeting point, I passed a beggar curled up on the floor in the middle of the pavement.  She had laid out what looked like a variety of prescription drugs in front of her, including an auto-injector (it looked like an epipen to give adrenaline in the case of anaphylaxis, but don't know if similar ones are given for diabetes?). Several people had stopped, so I walked around and carried on my way. I think,but I'm not certain, that the lid was still on the auto-Injector. As I walked away, I started to panic - I'm pretty sure I didn't touch the injector, but this was at a busy time of day and then don't know if other people touched it with their feet.  I then followed them, making me worry that the blood could have been passed from their shoes, to the pavement, to my shoes. 

I was worrying so much that I stopped and bought a new pair of cheap shoes, changed route and changed shoes,leaving the contaminated ones behind. Started feeling a bit more in control and carried on to meet my friends. We then walked together to the theatre.  Unfortunately, this involved crossing my original route, meaning that I feel that the second pair of shoes could have become contaminated. There was no time to buy more shoes and I was also doing my best not to over-react, so I just went with it (the friends do not know about my OCD). 

I had to drive home from the station in the shoes, meaning I spread the contamination to my car. When I got home, I took them off and left them in the porch - hoping that I would be able to deal with them later. Breathed a sigh of relief and went to bed.

Last night, I was locking the front door and the cat came to ask to be let out.  He walked all over the shoes several times. I now have a contaminated cat, who slept on my bed all last night! 

Feel I've got myself in such  a mess. 

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You know in your heart that nothing is contaminated surely? It's the thoughts that you are taking far too seriously making you "believe" the shoes, the car, the cat, the bed etc. are contaminated.

Rationally I'm sure you know this is OCD playing its normal nasty tricks. Are you receiving any treatment?

Best wishes, Phil

Edited by PhilM
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Thanks for the reply, Phil - grateful for someone to listen. On the day this happened, while out with friends, I was feeling more rational about this and persuaded myself that, as I hadn't seen any blood, there was no risk. It's when I'm on my own that I start replaying events and seeing risk everywhere.  This morning, I had a brief time where I convinced myself it would actually be preferable to be coping with a blood borne disease than the OCD itself. What I find particularly hard is that, if there were contamination, I might not get ill for a long time, so there's no definite relief. 

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To answer your question, Phil.  I have had 2 lots of cbt - one about 4 years ago and another earlier this year. The first was very useful - the therapist came at it from a very rational, scientific viewpoint, which suited me.  The more recent therapist suited me less well - lots of filing in forms and rating scales (I'm sure this works well for some people, it's just that I didn't really 'gel' with the therapist). Unfortunately, I live in an area where nhs cbt isn't really put forward as an option so I've had to finance this myself and at the moment I'm not in a position to do this.  Gp did mention online as an option st one point - I don't know if anyone has had any positive/negative experiences of this? 

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Thanks so much for your reply earlier, Phil.  Definitely a case of someone saying exactly the right thing at the right time.  During the day, I've asked myself whether in my heart I truly believe what OCD is telling me and, surprisingly, several times I've been able to answer no. You made a real difference in a day that started badly - thanks again! 

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Your initial problem was that you bought the new shoes. That was a compulsion and doing so cemented in your head that the supposed problem was real. You then kept the shoes sort of hidden, which was another compulsion. You have to start recognising these compulsions and challenging your OCD.

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