We Don't Have To Be Beaten By This Thing

[taurean]

It's a horrible disease, it lies, exaggerates, repulses, alleges opposite to our true core values. 

But we can acquire knowledge - at the very least by reading up on what we need to do. 

After that, we need a large dose of trust and belief in what we are being told. Trust and belief will be in our corner, fighting against the falsehoods and demands for certainty. 

If you are ashamed of your OCD thoughts and theme, there is no need to be; attribute them to the disorder - they are not yours, no choice of yours,they are the product of the disorder. 

To get better we, personally, must make the necessary thinking and behavioural changes - the best therapist in the world cannot help us if we don't carry out what they tell us we must do. 

Knowledge, determination, belief, patience and persistence must be our constant companions. 

We can do this folks - I never thought I could keep working - but with CBT, a supportive boss and wife, and encouragement and help from OCD-UK,  I did so successfully. 

Hopefully we can fully recover, but if we don't quite achieve that then managing the condition and living a worthwhile and enjoyable life is a realistic aim. 

If things aren't going well despite good efforts, then it's likely we may be doing something wrong - so here is the place, if need be, to seek a view. 

[Chelsie]

Great advice - will reread through the day today as determined to beat yesterday's effort! 

[HDC]

This is amazing Roy ? I cried in therapy yesterday because I never thought I'd have an illness that makes me question such values... but it's a biproduct of the disorder. I have to trust and believe that it means nothing about me

[bruces]

It's completely destroyed me and all aspects of my life

[taurean]

Sometimes a simple little thing can be the catalyst for significant change. 

A game-changer for me was my lovely therapist B, herself a recoveree from my theme - harm OCD. 

Two things she told me really resonated and made a big difference. The first was choice. 

B told me to imagine me walking towards a fork in the path. If I took the left turn, I would find peace and contentment by ignoring obsessive thoughts and refocusing away to beneficial things. Gradually the obsessive thoughts would lose power and fade away as they were given no attention. 

But if I took the right path, carried on giving meaning to the obsessions and reacting with fear and anxiety, more and more rules restrictions and compulsions would build onto the core of my OCD onion, I would become withdrawn ill and torn by secondary depression caused by the OCD. 

The second thing she taught me was to respond dismissively instead of connecting with OCD. Simply think "Oh that's just my silly obsession"  before ignoring it and getting on with life. 

This latter is so powerful because it uncloaks the irrelevant worthless nonsense that OCD obsessions really are. 

 

Edited August 14, 2017 by taurean

[Chelsie]

Really helpful again - just sitting here waiting to be picked up to go on a night out. Determined not to choose the wrong fork at any point as I know doing this once will spoil the evening. I'm in my glad rags and really want an evening free from worries.  May cheat a little and have a couple of sneaky drinks to help me on the way! 

[taurean]

Oh Chelsie go for it, enjoy a little glam and fun and sure just a little juice of the barley 

You are trying so hard and you deserve a great time

 

[Horsey]

So true. I'm getting better at the whole 'it's OCD not me' but it's still hard. 

 

Ive managed to keep working so accept I'm lucky in that respect, but it's a huge impact on my social life and lots of other areas. In my darkest times I've seriously thought about ending it all. 

[Avo]

Hi

Can I have some guidance on the core value aspect of OCD? One of my themes is around relationships. I have a crush on a woman at work. My worry is that it means I want to leave my wife. Unlike my other themes I know this is on one level something I would enjoy having a relationship with this woman - or at least I think I do. However the more ruminating about this subject the more anxious guilty and upset I become. Is it OCD exaggerating my feelings for this person or at least giving meaning to thoughts everyone has but attach less significance to them? I believe adultery is wrong but it is not that element so much as just the distress of ending my marriage that hurts so much.

I know the less I try and figure this out and the calmer I feel, the some I analyse the worse I become.

I hope the above makes sense? 

Thanks 

Avo

[taurean]

4 minutes ago, Avo said:

My worry is that it means I want to leave my wife.

Hi Avo. I would say the core belief that the OCD is targeting is the possibility that, because you find this woman at work attractive, you might want to have an affair with her. 

This is attacking your real true core value of loving and caring for your wife. And OCD uses guilt to seriously upset those with this theme. 

It's normal behaviour for men and women to feel attracted to each other. But, whilst if we were free  without an existing relationship we might wish to look to start one up, with relationship OCD the disorder peddles the - false - core belief that you want to despite being in a loving relationship. 

The emotional conflict that this causes - the OCD false core belief versus your true core value - causes - often immense - distress and triggers the compulsion to analyse question to try and find certainty. 

Hopefully from this explanation you will see it is all the work of OCD, tackle and stop compulsing and, when the trigger thought enters your head, you will be empowered to see it for the false nonsense it is, leave it be and ease your focus away. 

Learn to, like me, enjoy the company of other women, without listening to OCD's false whispers and aspertions. I am fortunate enough to have close friendly relationships with plenty of women, with each party comfortable knowing that I am happily married and there is no other intent than  friendship and understanding, with a dollop of humour thrown in. 

[Chelsie]

Managed a nice night out with friends - home early as started out early in order to take advantage of 241 cocktail happy hours! With the exception of a quick squirt of hand gel between bar and restaurant, avoided compulsions, although I was aware that I was a bit 'hyperaware' and this did take up some of my thinking. Generally a success, though. Thanks for the support today x 

[Avo]

Hi Taurean,

Sorry for my delayed response, thank you for breaking that down for me. I do struggle with this one as it's 'real' if you like as I know relationships and marriages too come to an end. My parents as an example though that was traumatic for me as I was a child but I don't think this has had any bearing on relationships as a theme of my OCD. It's a fairly new theme for me and I am in my late 30's .

I think the thing with this person is it's as much as about her personality as any physical attraction, I feel we are on the same wavelength, but then I am maybe a bit deluded!

My relationship with my wife is generally pretty good, if a little mundane at times but I consider her my best friend and she is the only person I can be totally at ease with. I have no reason to wish to end my relationship.

Thanks again for your reply.

Avo