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Haayleey96

What have you done today to make you feel PROUD?

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21 hours ago, Haayleey96 said:

This is exactly me Rucker! I am always smiling, always talking to people but inside my head is a mess ?

Sounds familiar to me.  I actually love talking to people (I'm a bit of a talker) and when I know I'm not being judged (i.e. I know people, neighbors etc) I'm not too bad, but in most situations I'm getting bad anxiety.

My OCD symptoms that are more obvious I think I can at times rationally control.  Like I've never left the cooker on, or the car hasn't rolled away even if I only check once.  Intrusive thoughts about the past and ruminating used to be horrific but I've no evidence of memories etc but the intrusive thoughts over my appearance (complicated) is really, really difficult and I cannot shake it at the moment as it kinda keeps being reinforced as true....one aspect is certainly true. Stopped me doing loads and I feel really paranoid and anxious.  It's bizarre as I'm not shy or timid etc.... I struggle to get it.

On a plus point I've left the house today only checking things were off once and I haven't repeatedly checked the handbrake in the car and I didn't do any counting checking things were off last night :thumbup:

 

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On 05/09/2017 at 13:27, BelAnna said:

I know what you mean Rucker and it's a slippery slope because the more you avoid going out the worse the social anxiety becomes and your conversational skills and self-esteem can suffer.

 

Sums me up 100%  My personality isn't shy, I'm friendly and I'm talkative  etc.  But the way I have OCD (one aspect I think is less frequent I've read) has stopped me doing so much and kinda stalled my life in a way to the point that it is the anxiety and low self esteem etc that is causing me the most issues.  I don't want to sound negative though  I constantly try with this.

It's hard as I've rationalised some of my OCD (I know it's irrational and that there is a problem with what I do) and that helps to fight it.  Other half is more complicated and I don't know if I'm in reality or a fantasy world with it.

On a plus note I'm doing the Great North Run on Sunday so I'll get a break from it all and be too broken to care after it :cheers:

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2 hours ago, Rucker said:

Sums me up 100%  My personality isn't shy, I'm friendly and I'm talkative  etc.  But the way I have OCD (one aspect I think is less frequent I've read) has stopped me doing so much and kinda stalled my life in a way to the point that it is the anxiety and low self esteem etc that is causing me the most issues.  I don't want to sound negative though  I constantly try with this.

It's hard as I've rationalised some of my OCD (I know it's irrational and that there is a problem with what I do) and that helps to fight it.  Other half is more complicated and I don't know if I'm in reality or a fantasy world with it.

On a plus note I'm doing the Great North Run on Sunday so I'll get a break from it all and be too broken to care after it :cheers:

Hi Rucker, 

Yes that sounds like me too  BUT that's amazing that you're going to do the Great North Run, which I imagine will be a bit anxiety provoking initially? Do you run most days?

I have borderline delusional OCD at times too, which I find very hard to tackle. 

Well done for cutting down on the checking yesterday!!! 

 

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58 minutes ago, BelAnna said:

Do you run most days?

 I wish.. nope I don't. I should though.

You'd think it would be anxiety provoking but quite the opposite actually.  Everyone there is a runner, I'm not singled out etc so it feels fine - no problems.  It always has.  I'm really not an axious person at heart. I had a bad time around 2001 where I just felt so depressed, didn't know about OCD then.  I started running and it did help a bit.  I've done the Great north run about 13 times since then and I was getting respectable times.....this one is purely a bit of exercise/enjoy the day though.

The problem is there if I run on my own.  I feel intense paranoia at times, and hate running past people. I feel like I have eyes following me when I'm in a shop etc... or when I walk past people I feel totally judged. I just feel like I look ugly/odd how i physically look out to the point that people will go 'urgh' and that people do comment and that I hear it. It's not helped that I've had some issues that I look way too young  and that been depressing/difficult in my life.  Think I have lots of social anxiety and my confidence /selfesteem is not good these days.  But I think this pretty much 24/7 - all day every day...it's like OCD has grabbed hold of it and made it all much much worse, thought just force their way in.   It's been mentioned that it sounds like BDD .

Just kinda put up with it but it gradually grinds you down

 I don't know what is reality and what is not, it's not like I have two heads.

 

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Mindfulness is a great means of relaxing and easing away worries and distress. 

When we can slip away from the active doing side of the brain, and just seep into the benign just being part, in the present, in the moment, we are entering the mindfulness state. 

I have been fishing today, thinking of nothing but the tactics for catching the fish, what the other anglers were doing, and enjoying a wonderful picnic from my cooling. Time stood still, nothing mattered, or was considered. And plenty of fish were caught safely landed and calmly returned to the water. 

I have been using mindfulness now for some time. It sits well alongside CBT to help us shift focus to that benign state 

:cool2:

 

Edited by taurean

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I actually used a public toilet without overly scanning the seat for blood. I sat on it normally as well. There looked like there was some blood on a tissue down there but I just flushed it down and carrier on.

Super anxious now but I did it! ?

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Wow some great positive steps guys, your all doing so great :yes:

Keep up the good work :cheer: 

Stand tall, feel proud and celebrate ? every achievement you make :yes:

 

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2 hours ago, alisando123 said:

I actually used a public toilet without overly scanning the seat for blood. I sat on it normally as well. There looked like there was some blood on a tissue down there but I just flushed it down and carrier on.

Super anxious now but I did it! ?

Amazing! that sounds like a huge step forward. :clapping:

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6 hours ago, Rucker said:

 I wish.. nope I don't. I should though.

You'd think it would be anxiety provoking but quite the opposite actually.  Everyone there is a runner, I'm not singled out etc so it feels fine - no problems.  It always has.  I'm really not an axious person at heart. I had a bad time around 2001 where I just felt so depressed, didn't know about OCD then.  I started running and it did help a bit.  I've done the Great north run about 13 times since then and I was getting respectable times.....this one is purely a bit of exercise/enjoy the day though.

The problem is there if I run on my own.  I feel intense paranoia at times, and hate running past people. I feel like I have eyes following me when I'm in a shop etc... or when I walk past people I feel totally judged. I just feel like I look ugly/odd how i physically look out to the point that people will go 'urgh' and that people do comment and that I hear it. It's not helped that I've had some issues that I look way too young  and that been depressing/difficult in my life.  Think I have lots of social anxiety and my confidence /selfesteem is not good these days.  But I think this pretty much 24/7 - all day every day...it's like OCD has grabbed hold of it and made it all much much worse, thought just force their way in.   It's been mentioned that it sounds like BDD .

Just kinda put up with it but it gradually grinds you down

 I don't know what is reality and what is not, it's not like I have two heads.

 

That's great that the participating in organized runs doesn't affect your anxiety!! Hope it goes really well.

Sorry to hear about the problems you have when you run alone- I have the same issue with running past other people and I cross the road to avoid people and run at night so that I don't have other people looking at me whilst I run!

It does sound like you might have BDD and that the BDD is making things really tricky at the moment. Have you had any CBT for your OCD/BDD? 

Hope you have a good/better day tomorrow! 

 

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I am really proud today because I got talking to a new friend in the cafe. 

He told me he had previously suffered from panic attacks and what he now knows to be OCD. It turns out he has a father who had OCD to the power of 3 - everything had to be done three times. 

He then went on to say he developed OCD with the need to shower 3 times a day. The doctor sent him to a psychiatrist who gave some pills and told him to wean himself off a meaningless compulsion which he did. 

He says a friend at work has OCD and has to excessively wash their face. 

I told my new friend about OCD-UK and all the help it provides to sufferers, so he can spread the word :thumbup:

 

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2 minutes ago, taurean said:

I am really proud today because I got talking to a new friend in the cafe. 

He told me he had previously suffered from panic attacks and what he now knows to be OCD. It turns out he has a father who had OCD to the power of 3 - everything had to be done three times. 

He then went on to say he developed OCD with the need to shower 3 times a day. The doctor sent him to a psychiatrist who gave some pills and told him to wean himself off a meaningless compulsion which he did. 

He says a friend at work has OCD and has to excessively wash their face. 

I told my new friend about OCD-UK and all the help it provides to sufferers, so he can spread the word :thumbup:

 

Well done Roy :cheer:you did really well :yes:

Hopefully a few other fellow sufferers will join the forum and find it as enlightening as we do. 

Ive done really well over the past few days, not only have I been attempting going out in busy areas and alone for a long period of time, I've also been getting more involved in the cooking side of the kitchen, only baby steps but more than I've done for the last ten years :cheer:

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5 minutes ago, lostinme said:

Well done Roy :cheer:you did really well :yes:

Hopefully a few other fellow sufferers will join the forum and find it as enlightening as we do. 

Ive done really well over the past few days, not only have I been attempting going out in busy areas and alone for a long period of time, I've also been getting more involved in the cooking side of the kitchen, only baby steps but more than I've done for the last ten years :cheer:

Brilliant lost, well done you :happybirth:  :WootSign:

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Just now, taurean said:

Brilliant lost, well done you :happybirth:  :WootSign:

Cheers Roy, thank you for the cake ?  I'm really trying so hard to do more, I'm going to make a Victoria sandwich later :yes:

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13 hours ago, BelAnna said:

Have you had any CBT for your OCD/BDD? 

Hope you have a good/better day tomorrow! 

Nope I haven't.  I'm a little torn about it.  I can see that it's useful, and I think when i control my compulsions and face the itrusive thoughts etc that I'm pretty much doing it anay.  I get the impression that how much it helps someone depends on the cause of the OCD.  If it's learnt behaviour from being exposed to hazardous stuff or from being bullied for example I can see it being really effective.  But if it's a physical problem (say genetic) then I'm not sure that will effectively stop it, just control it.  That's how I'm finding it for me. So I'm not sure. 

I haven't really checked anything today which is a bonus.  Thought went for a haircut into the city and i just feel so unesy there...and I hate haircuts as I'm forced to pay attention to my appearence. 

So it's a 50/50 day  Think that's what I need ---->. :computerpunch:

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I went out the door. Sounds so silly, my dad said he would try and pick my son up from school for me but then he had to stay on at work, I knew I'd have to walk over and pick him up, go into the shop and then go into a taxi depot as he plays tuba and I can't carry it home. I literally sat to the very last minute pondering just calling a return cab so I didn't have to walk over, I've been very anxious and I get so scared to leave the house sometimes. Well, I stared at the number of the taxi depot and then thought " you are being ridiculous! Leave now!" I walked over, went into the shop, had to spend an excruciating few minutes waiting on him at the gates because he was out quite late and the school was absolutely hectic with people, got that taxi, had a chat with the taxi driver,, got home and am quite shaky but pleased with myself. I had this barrier between me and life, especially as it's just all in the mind! X

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I have been to see the owner of my dental practice to discuss a thorny issue.

She wanted me to have a bridge instead of a replacement denture  and explained that dentures are now old technology. 

But I like my denture  - and I explained to her how my OCD affects me and if I am struggling, a long time in the chair (she said about 70 minutes in total), for fitting a bridge would be difficult  if it coincided with an OCD episode. She asked how my OCD affected me in an episode, and I explained about my constantly repeating upsetting intrusive thoughts plus anxiety that I get in episodes.

She is very understanding and, as she now employs in the practice her own dental technician, she is arranging an appointment for me to see him and discuss denture options.:thumbup:

Plus of course the chat counts towards spreading OCD awareness which may help her re other patients. :)

  

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I went out with a friend for lunch today and we had a chat about stuff. Funny story - we both went to different cafes when I suggested the 'usual place!' :D

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