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Any plumbers or possibly electricians out there suffering from checking \ repetitive actions?


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On 26/09/2017 at 20:26, PolarBear said:

Hey Tony. Unfortunately I don't think that would work. Your OCD would just change into some new theme and you'll be off doing other compulsions. Better to deal with what you've got right now.

The problem is that OCD is telling you things aren't tightened correctly when they are and you believe OCD's lies and by way of a compulsion, change it. The secondary problem is that, as you have seen, doing the compulsion doesn't work. It doesn't make your anxiety or thoughts go away.

Time to try something new. You've tightened enough fittings to know when things are tight enough. You don't need OCD telling you anything. So tell it to take a hike. Do your work to the best of your ability and move on. No changing things around. Leave them alone. Now this will cause a temporary increase in your anxiety. But that's okay because you were anxious before anyway. Just put your mind on the next task and let the old one go. Try it. Repeat. Practice makes perfect. Kick OCD to the curb and keep on plumbing.

Hi there, you have some excellent advice on here from the forum, and what Polar Bear says above is what my therapist told me to do when I kept checking doors and checking when driving. 

The anxiety is not good at first, but it does subside. And it teaches us that we are more than capable and do not need to check. I had to do a chart and rate out of 10 my stress levels each time. They did go down, though I had a few odd occasions where it was higher, but I was stressed about other things then. 

I did use to take pictures of locked doors too, just so I could ‘prove’ to myself I had actually locked them later if I worried. This again convinces the person that they can’t be trusted, which is totally not correct! 

I’m pleased to say I haven’t done this in ages, and one thing I realised after I stopped, was that in doing this at the time, my stress actually increased through this when locking the doors! 

Hope this helps and best of luck

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5 hours ago, Dragonfly said:

take pictures of locked doors too

I thought this was just me. I used to take pictures of my kitchen (and everything like the taps and the fridge had to be in the shot so I could see them), the door being shut tight, the oven hobs, my hair dryer, everything when I was leaving the house. Sometimes I'd walk 15 minutes to the train station then walk back home again to check again and be in tears of frustration. Used to pull the door so tight so that it would leave a mark on my hand so I could look at my hand a few minutes later to know I'd closed it tight. I don't know if I'd still do this as I don't really get left on my own a lot now so I can't really say much other than try not to give in to the urges which is easier said than done. Not nice to hear other people struggling with this kind of thing, hope it gets better soon OP.

Edited by Headwreck
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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

I've done up and undone this nut so many times. 

I'm afraid of doing it too tight. 

Or

I have no definite memory of doing it minutes after doing it. 

I've had to go sit in the van. 

Been on fluanxol was hoping that would do it. Evidently isn't the answer. 

I know the answer is to ignore compulsions but if the action feels incomplete, my work is flawed and to my mind may leak and cause thousands of pounds of damage and or damage my reputation. 

I've tried going out to the van to have some coffee etc to reset myself. 

It almost worked. 

Then I undid the nut again.

If I wasn't self employed I would be sacked for incompetence or something. 

 

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1 hour ago, OCDPlumber said:

Been on fluanxol was hoping that would do it. Evidently isn't the answer. 

I feel for you , I hope you can move on a little throughout the day.

I hope you don't mind me commenting on this line.  I think I would challenge that, about Fluanxol or any medication being the answer to overcoming OCD, in my opinion medication can help cope and survive, but isn't the solution to OCD recovery.  It's my belief that the real solution is through understanding our problem and beliefs that fuel them, i.e. through therapy.

 

1 hour ago, OCDPlumber said:

I know the answer is to ignore compulsions but if the action feels incomplete, my work is flawed and to my mind may leak and cause thousands of pounds of damage and or damage my reputation.

Again, I am not sure ignoring compulsions is the way to overcome OCD.  What I mean by this is I am not saying engage in compulsions, but we do have to acknowledge the obsessions causing the compulsive urge and actually learn to accept the uncertainty of not checking and even at some point telling ourselves it is loose and our reputation will be damaged (exposure).  That latter part might be worth exploring with a therapist, is that your real worry (not the loose bolts) but the damage and cost to your reputation, could that be the real driving force behind your OCD compulsions?  Worth exploring.   

Not checking might one day lead to some damage, but equally it might not. Checking will 100% guarantee damage to your well-being, mental health and life of OCD doubts and uncertainty running your life.   Basically what you're doing is paying OCD insurance money that is worth 10x more every single year than it would cost if you did **** up and cause some damage.  

In terms of checking, I sometimes find I check the office door a little more than I should (OCD), so I carried out an experiment a while back. On the first day I would not check the door at all, not once, I would turn the key in the lock pull the key out and walk away.  Guess what, no anxiety as I walked away.   The next day I was allowed to check it once, and I just couldn't do it, one check led to 4 or 5 checks and I walked away anxious.  I guess what I am saying is, the answer to any kind of checking problem is not to check once, but to aim for not checking at all. 

I hope you can figure it all out :) Ashley.

 

 

 

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Hi, I’m really feeling your pain right now. I am battling my old checking foe at work at the moment. I would agree with Ashley that the fear of damage to your reputation is the key to overcoming this, I know it is for me. All that shame associated with messing up, with having been trusted etc. 

I think it’s impartant to realise that:

1) of course it’s important to do a good job. So there is a good dollop of reality in your fear in the sense that you can’t try to tell yourself that it’s not important if you make a terrible mistake. 

2) BUT, you have to accept the risk of making a mistake in a healthy way, so that you can live your life free of constant fear. Just as you get in a car accepting (subconsciously) the risk of being involved in a crash. 

3) instead of spending more time checking, spend more time working on your emotional coping. Fear of being judged, feelings of shame and guilt - this is the root that needs to be worked on, so that you can go about your job in the same way you go about getting in a car.

4) you will never be able to check enough. Just as I have satisfied myself that I have checked the aspect of my work that’s worrying me, another fear will pop up and I will feel the need to check another thing. Eventually there will be nothing left to check, but the urge will remain and I will likely think of something that can’t be checked, but that will inevitably lead to the judgement, shame and guilt. 

5) this will not get better on its own. It goes against the logic that probably would say that a person would grow in confidence the more they do something. This will not happen. You absolutely need to address this.

6) if you can, try to resist all urges to revisit your work. Allow the risk to be there. This is an important step. Always remember that you will get some initial relief from checking but then you will feel worse than you did before.

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Hi, I'm really sorry that you're under so much pain.

I can fully understand since I've the same problem. Sometimes I can't even start the task since I'm too afraid of how long the checking will take afterwards.

But for me also the only option is not to check at all, not even once since when I check once I usually cannot stop again. But not checking also makes me very anxious and I kind of try to run away by hurrying from task to task (it's like a race then). The anxiety level becomes higher and higher like this but at least I don't connect it to an individual task in the evening but to the whole day. This makes it then impossible to check one special task again. I hope this makes somehow sense. Sorry in advance for possible mistakes in the spelling but I cannot re-read my message at the moment.

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On 11/04/2018 at 11:57, Ashley said:

In terms of checking, I sometimes find I check the office door a little more than I should (OCD), so I carried out an experiment a while back. On the first day I would not check the door at all, not once, I would turn the key in the lock pull the key out and walk away.  Guess what, no anxiety as I walked away.   The next day I was allowed to check it once, and I just couldn't do it, one check led to 4 or 5 checks and I walked away anxious.  I guess what I am saying is, the answer to any kind of checking problem is not to check once, but to aim for not checking at all. 

Hi there, 

I haven’t looked back in the thread and can’t remember what you said, but are you having CBT? If not please do get it. If you’re in England you can get CBT on the NHS, though there is a wait unfortunately. If you can go private it’s well worth it. 

Checking is one of my themes too, though through CBT it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be. 

What Ashley describes above is what my therapist made me do. For my first exposure exercise I had to close and lock all doors and just walk away, no tugging handles, no taking pictures of the locked doors, no looking back at the lock and I had to practice sitting with the anxiety. I also had to chart my anxiety out of 10 (10 being the worst) before and after each time as well. And yes, what I noticed was gradually the anxiety really does reduce, and by not checking at all, the anxiety was lower! Taking the pictures of the door etc actually made me worse, I just never realised until I done this exercise. 

Best of luck!

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks very much to you all for replying to me, I do read and appreciate every bit of information you are giving me.

I had a very very bad day yesterday - and it is continuing into today.

Let me describe what happened.

I am plumbing in a property. There is a basin in the bathroom and a sink in the kitchen.

So I already connected the waste water trap and pipes on the basin, at an earlier date, but was upset by the poor quality and fit of the trap.
So yesterday I fitted a new one of better quality.
I then moved on and fitted the trap and waste pipes on the kitchen sink.

Then I started to obsess over the tightness of the nut connecting it to the sink. Is it too tight is it too slack?
What if it's damagingly tight, what if I never actually did the job, and that I only think that I did it and the sink is disconnected and I will have a flood when the house is handed over to the owner to use.

So I unscrewed it and re connected it - each time telling myself - THERE it is DONE and TIGHT - Verbally telling myself - " I can now  MOVE ON"

-----

Then the feelings of doubt creep in - what if I haven't actually done it?
Then I return and repeat.... maybe three times disconnecting and reconnecting in the hope that I can convince myself that I have done the job.

____

The last time I did the ritual - if you can call it that - I took a photo of the assembly all assembled up - and in the photo my hand with a thumbs up gesture.

The idea  behind this is that I can look at the photo and reassure myself - Oh yes - I DID DO THAT....

------

 

Moved on to another part of the house - quite happy by now..... eventually went home for the evening.

---

 

That evening the doubt crept in - and I had a very strong feeling of sheer doom - and that I have not completed these jobs - something is too loose - something is forgotten - something might be wrong.

------

Option A - I have been calming my nerves by telling myself - "Its OK - on Monday morning  bright and early you can remove the traps of the  basin and the sink, redo them but without the silly nonsense this time. Just do it again and don’t return to it! Do this on Monday!!"

But the truth is that on Monday - if I did do this - I would end up in exactly the same situation over again wouldn’t I?

Option  B - So there is the other part of me that says - "No, embrace the uncertainty and don't touch them again. When you come to test the drains on the sinks - you can give each nut a gentle turn to make sure all are snug - let water down them, check once for leaks and then move on"

I think this second Option B is the one I should do  - and just take the suffering that will come in the days before it happens, as part of my exposure therapy.

--------------------

My stomach was going, my head has been in a state - my poor fiancée is heavily pregnant with our second (my fifth), and having to put up (she deserves a medal) with a wreck.

Throughout the day I phoned several helplines and tried to get advice, eventually phoning the mental health team, who are asking me to return to see a nurse, with a view to seeing a psychologist again.


I have already been through this once - It looks as though if you need more help, the process starts again.

----


Many of my work days are like this but usually a lot milder - days like yesterday are literally disabling, and cause me great financial loss.
I will have put in an 8 hour day, but won't have earned a day's wage.



---

What really scares me is the impact this might be having on my work, and income as the sole breadwinner in our house.
Sometimes I think it's the feeling of "Get this perfect - you NEED the money" - that makes it worse.
 

I am convinced that I need to find some way of blocking this - whatever it is out of my head.

I think that you are correct - if you can just accept the uncertainty and move on the anxiety can go away.
But it literally floods my mind and I can think of nothing else.
It's really hard to hang on.

CBT sounds like a great option but might not be possible to do it at work.

I do believe in CBT - When I was a child I had a severe hand washing compulsion, and a fear of germs.
This was overcome by being constantly exposed to germy things at work etc... eventually exposure to filthy things taught me that it won't kill me.
I'm fine now and regularly work with sewerage systems. So yes I do believe that exposure would work for me.

 

Thanks for replying to my messages - It means a lot to have people out there who have felt the same feeling of "Did I? Didn't I? Something's bound to be wrong!?"

 

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Hi,

I'm very sorry to learn that you're having such a difficult time.

It's the same here, I'm sitting at my desk and I'm not even able to start the work because I'm so afraid of making a mistake.

I think we have to do both, exposure as you say but also change our attitude towards mistakes. We've to accept that we're not perfect and we've to be forgiving to ourselves in case we should make a mistake. If I take my colleague, she constantly makes mistakes from minor to severe but she simply doesn't care, doesn't care about the extra work for the others, the costs.... We don't have to go to this other extreme but from this example you can see that the problem is not the thing itself - in this case the mistake - but really only the meaning we give it. Unfortunately I can't give any advice as to how to get there since as mentioned I'm sitting at my desk and I'm not able to start the work, hands are shaking, sweating, huge anxiety. I'm not afraid of the work but I'm afraid of how long the checking will take and how nervous it will make me.

So unfortunately no good advice but I wanted to show you that you're not alone

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On 2/10/2018 at 09:28, Dragonfly said:

The problem is that OCD is telling you things aren't tightened correctly when they are and you believe OCD's lies

This is where my problem is.

I have this job which is ongoing for ages. 

The water will not be turned on for a long time and I am convinced that I have not tightened things.

There was a nut that I obsessed over when I wrote here on the 11th. 
I tightened it up, then worried it may have been too tight so I undid it and re tightened it to a tightness that I thought was adequate.

Then I thought it might be too slack so I repeated it .....

Now I have messages in my brain telling me that I connected and disconnected it so many times that the likelihood is that I have gone and left it disconnected and that the house will get ruined, and it will all be because I confused myself by repeating the task so many times.

On top of this  - I have connected two waste water traps under the sinks and am convinced that I either did not even do the job, or that I have omitted sealing washers.

Am a total wreck this evening and just cant sit still. The bottom of my stomach keeps falling out.

I don't know what to do to find peace, thoughts come in and the bottom falls out of my stomach. 

How do I differentiate between what may well be a possible mistake - or a possible forgotten thing that needs checking and OCD lies?

Up to now all I know for sure is that my condition is definitely deteriorating.

What makes it more of a shame is that today's job went well. This attack started once I got home.

Thanks 
 

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You've got to get a handle on your compulsions. Doing things over is a compulsion. It reinforces in your mind that there really was a problem to begin with when there wasn't. Don't take pictures of completed wirk to reassure yourself it was done correctly.

Trust yourself. You are a professional. You are as good and fallible as all the other plumbers out there.

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As a former insurance professional there was the same potential risks with mistakes - and leaving work in the office and not agonising over it at home and overnight and over the weekend. 

I refused to carry out compulsions, weaned myself right off them. I followed the compliance rules, worked to my own good level of sound procedures - and when I passed out of the office door at night then my mind, as well as my body, left the office. 

This left my OCD no source material on which to feed, and intrusions to check, go over again, try and remember if I had done x or y faded away as they got no attention. 

That's how to do it, and it works. Compulsions connect with and make intrusions stronger, more powerful. 

Take away the compulsions and the intrusions will fade away as the mental pathways they have been using wither away for lack of use. 

Edited by taurean
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19 hours ago, PolarBear said:

You've got to get a handle on your compulsions. Doing things over is a compulsion. It reinforces in your mind that there really was a problem to begin with when there wasn't.

Thanks PolarBear this is my issue. 

I will suddenly have a thought that something (usually something in particular) is left untightened or disconnected. 

Since I have no memory of having done it, I feel like I have no choice. 

It really is a feeling of not knowing whether I have done something or not.

18 hours ago, taurean said:

 

It sounds like I need to stop checking and just take the risk in order to overcome this. 

I was thinking that I could never do this but at this stage it feels like I have nothing to lose since I am heading down the road of losing my career anyway. 

What would be the harm in trying.

I really need to care less.

I've another appointment at the mental health hospital tomorrow.

Ive seen consultant psychologist before three times, tried medication.

I'm having to see the nurse this time, hoping this will lead somewhere.

18 hours ago, taurean said:

Take away the compulsions and the intrusions will fade away as the mental pathways they have been using wither away for lack of use.

If I can stand the anxiety I hope to achieve this. 

Thanks so much for your input 

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2 hours ago, OCDPlumber said:

f I can stand the anxiety I hope to achieve this. 

Thanks so much for your input 

Standing the anxiety is short-term, a part of exposure and response prevention. 

Trying to remember doing up the nut or whatever won't help, and in any case it's a compulsion. 

We have to trust our working practices, live in exposure with the anxiety, reminding ourselves we do quality work undertaken with care. 

Gradually the urge of the OCD will fade, as we realise how it is working and refuse to play it's game. 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've been obsessing for ages about a job I'm on. It's a long term job I'm about three quarters of the way through it, and I keep obsessing that things are not tight or are too tight. 

Usually if I've had repetitive checking undoing redoing undoing redoing, I will worry that I may have done it so many times I've ended up forgetting and left it undone!

I'm going to have to check them all, and will probably have to employ my friend to come and co check them. 

It's been torture, to the point I wake up every morning to a gut wrenching anxiety attack. Heart pounding, feeling like I'm being hollowed out like a pumpkin.

Onto the here and now. 

I've just got through fitting a new radiator valve on this job now. 

I bleed the radiator and am obsessing over having tightened the bleed screw with the key correctly. 

Been sat in the van for an hour and a half trying to say "right let's do this and do this once"

I want to follow your advice and just do it, walk away and resist but I am just not strong enough.

My income is at a low and I am getting into debt due to avoidance of work situations.

I'm so convinced that I've messed up by not connecting something right that I'm feeling too guilty to put in my invoices. 

My business is going down and relations at home are suffering. 

What can you do when you get to the point where you can't pay your bills. 

I really thought that financial difficulty would snap me out of this. But it hasn't. 

I expect there is as much chance of snapping out of this condition whatever it is, as there is of snapping out of having a broken leg. 

I have things to do and customers to service, but I'm sat in the passenger seat of my van, conquered by a radiator bleed valve.

Last time I worked here this happened. 

Got an appt with consultant psychiatrist on the 15th but I'm not too sure where to go from here. 

Medication seems to have no effect on my body. It's weird. 

Anyhow thanks for being there for me, and sorry for the long post. 

I suppose it helps ease the frustration for me to write it when I am trapped in the van. Feels like I am taking some action. 

Felt so bad this past month. Feel bad for my partner.

Thanks again. 

Edited by OCDPlumber
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Good that your seeing a psychiatrist next week. He or she might be able to prescribe medication that might be helpful as well as get you some psychological treatment. A number of mental health trusts employ welfare rights advisers who may be able to advise on benefits to top up income. They are agencies available to advise on debt problems. It’s worth doing a search in your local area as well finding out about the national bodies.

Did you employ a friend to check your work?  If so, how did it work?

Good luck on the 15th.

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1 hour ago, Angst said:

Did you employ a friend to check your work?  If so, how did it work?

Thanks for the reply.
I decided that no good would come of using my friend. I KNOW fine well that if I have him with me then  I will be immediately reassured and that would not lead to me getting better.
I went there alone today. 
I did check everything. All joints.
All was fine and everything went great until the last nut that I was checking. 
I kept going  back to it and slackening it and re tightening it again and again. 
Filming myself doing it etc etc
Eventually I managed to finish and leave it alone.
I now have gone home and I have this horrible pit of my stomach feeling that something is wrong and that I need to go back and check all the joints again. 
Seriously I feel unworthy of having been paid. 
I feel that I must have confused myself with repeatedly carrying out actions and actually HAVE left something disconnected absent mindedly.

I know that the answer is to accept that it is the ILLNESS LYING TO ME and to NOT LISTEN.
But it just feels so real.

How do you do it - others? How have you managed it - did you just accept the possibility of disaster and accept that you don't really know if you did complete a task?

1 hour ago, Angst said:

Good that your seeing a psychiatrist next week. He or she might be able to prescribe medication that might be helpful as well as get you some psychological treatment

Thanks - I have seen a consultant psychiatrist - this same one - three times before, and we are working on it. Just wish there was a magic pill. 

I really am willing to do anything to save things, but the horrid feeling of having negligently left joints undone is having a horrible affect on me.
I feel it like a guilt.

 

On 24/04/2018 at 15:11, PolarBear said:

You've got to get a handle on your compulsions. Doing things over is a compulsion. It reinforces in your mind that there really was a problem to begin with when there wasn't. Don't take pictures of completed wirk to reassure yourself it was done correctly.

Trust yourself. You are a professional. You are as good and fallible as all the other plumbers out there.

I really really want to do this - but please let me ask you this one question --- 
When you - yourself went through this method of refusing to listen to the OCD and refusing to check etc etc....
Were you getting messages - convincing you of things left undone?
Also when I look at something I can see it is done - as soon as I look away - I immediately feel that there is a chance that I may not have done it. 
Did you get that? If so what did you do? 
Did you literally just refuse point blank to listen? 
I am missing memories of these completed actions - I can not access memories of me doing it - remember doing it and say "oh yes I did that - I remember it"

If this is OCD doing this - then OCD is a very very clever enemy because it really gets me every time where it causes me the most distress.

Thanks very much for your answers, I am grateful - I am determined to get better, and appreciate every idea that comes my way.

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What you need to understand is that all those checking compulsions actually cause MORE doubt. The more you do them, the more anxious and doubtful you become, which requires even more compulsions. It's a no win situation. 

Checking even once is too much. That will lead to a second check and a third. 

You must have noticed that although you feel compelled to check, the actual checking does not bring relief for long. The doubt and anxiety just cime back. So what was the point of checking?

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I get occasional OCD intrusions re checking - often when I have literally just done something - like locking a door. 

These are only occasional now, as I learned not to believe the OCD - to recognise it as a blatant falsehood. 

They are only occasional, and I am able to gently ease my focus away. 

 

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So I have finally arranged for my friend who is also a plumber to come and check my work for me simply because I can't take it any more.
My mind has gone from worry to different worry these past three weeks and it has been unbearable.

However, I have a new issue. 

On the same job - I went to connect something but because the parts were not fitting well enough I left it disconnected and went home for the evening hile I thought of a different method of connecting it. The washer I would have used when trying to connect the first time - I just left on the floor.

I returned to that job a week or so later and reconnected using a different method. 

While I was tidying up - I found the washer that I had left on the floor the first time round.

Now I have doubts as to whether I put in a washer when I did the job!!
I have no memory of doing so - and in my already obsessive state - with frankly a lot on my mind it may be easy for me to forget to put a washer in.

Although I think I must have put a new one in - because I have a memory of acknowledging the discarded washer in my mind. 
In fact I think I hoovered it up. 

Now with that in mind - when I return to the job - should I undo the joint and check if the washer was put in there - or is it healthier to just see that it is not leaking and just move on and not check it. 

It's been hell so far - so if the answer to improving things is to accept the danger and the risk of having forgotten to put in a washer then maybe thats what I should do?

 

Thanks

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Of course you shouldn't check. That's a compulsion. Having your friend check is also a compulsion... a step up from checking yourself.

The more compulsions you do, the more doubt will arise and the more compulsions you will need to perform in the future.

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Thank you PolarBear. 

What I am afraid of are two things. 

1) obviously that I may have omitted the washer in an absent minded moment

2) that if I don't check it that I will then be left wondering and worrying forever over a possible future leak or something

It's like the condition is making me worry from one thing to another. Once I've sorted one worry, in this case being happy that my friend is coming to check the work, my mind picked something that can't be checked without undoing nuts. And now I'm in a hell of a state. 

The only comfort I have is that if I had forgotten that washer, maybe the joint would hold without a washer, since I do remember using good sealant with it. 

Thanks so much. 

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