Jump to content

Need a bit of encouragement today.


Recommended Posts

I woke up with a need to perform a HUGE compulsion. That compulsion is to go through my old iCloud information and find deleted and old text messages from my ex from the beginning of the relationship with my current SO. He flirted with me very heavily and we were still good friends - I want to check to make sure I wasn't inappropriate and/or cheated at some point.

Logically, I know this will do no good. First of all, I already did this two years ago. I forensically examined every text message, etc and even "confessed" to my SO in 2015. But what if I forgot something? That's what my OCD is screaming at me.

My whole body is ringing, urging me to check again. How would you handle this? It's almost like it's forcing me and I'm trying to fight it off the best I can because I know it will do no good. Help!

Link to comment

HI California. Checking your i-cloud message would be performing a compulsion, which would give only very short term relief followed by a snowballing of the OCD. Recognize the thought as an obsession which is not real. You are having a need to feel certain that you didn't cheat, and ocd is attacking your values- in this case, the value of being loyal. Enjoy your day and focus on something positive for you.

Link to comment

Stay away from it and in your mind also. That means putting on the brakes on your ruminating. That too is a compulsion. Ill bet you're sitting there thinking about this over and over. That can be stopped.

Edited by PolarBear
Link to comment
4 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Stay away from it and in your mind also. That means putting on the brakes on your ruminating. That too is a compulsion. Ill bet you're sitting there thinking about this over and over. That can be stopped.

Hey PolarBear, you bet I am. I've trying really hard to stay away from it and crying in front of my closed computer.

I just feel like I'm avoiding the truth by not doing it. I recognize it's OCD and I know doing it won't solve anything, but the urge is incredibly strong. Is not doing compulsions supposed to come with this much pain? And is it still a compulsion if I do, in fact, find something bad.

i have good days and bad days - this is a bad one.

Link to comment

"avoidance" would be avoiding doing something that you enjoy doing. by definition, avoidance is not staying away from a compulsion because people with OCD don't enjoy doing compulsions. I'm sure you're not saying to yourself you can't wait to go home and check your i-cloud history. An example of avoidance would be not playing basket ball because you think by touching the ball you'll get germs.

This is an unrealistic fear stopping you from doing things you want to do, and you should stay away. The urge will be strong and it's tough at first, but when you tell yourself what it really is, and that you don't have to do what the OCD wants, it will start to go away on it's own- just by you engaging in another activity.

Link to comment

Yes looking would be a compulsion. The reason it's so painful is because of your ruminating. You've fixated on this minor thing and now your whole brain is working overtime on it. For nothing.

Get involved in something else. Go for a walk. Watch a movie. Get your nose in a good book. Refuse to get into mind debates over this. Leave it alone.

Edited by PolarBear
Link to comment
10 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Yes looking would be a compulsion. The reason it's so painful is because of your ruminating. You've fixated on this minor thing and now your whole brain is working overtime on it. For nothing.

Get involved in something else. Go for a walk. Watch a movie. Get your nose in a good book. Refuse to get into mind debates over this. Leave it alone.

The thing is, I'm not so sure it's minor. I suppose that is rumination, though. I'm terrified something will jog my memory to remind me that I cheated.

Link to comment

You can ruminate til the cows come home and you won't be any closer to a definitive answer. You'll just go round and round, getting more anxious in the process. All the while youll be feeding your obsessions, telling them that they're very important and they should come back often.

Leave it alone. You are falling for an OCD lie. 

Link to comment
58 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

You can ruminate til the cows come home and you won't be any closer to a definitive answer. You'll just go round and round, getting more anxious in the process. All the while youll be feeding your obsessions, telling them that they're very important and they should come back often.

Leave it alone. You are falling for an OCD lie. 

Ugh, I know. I feel like if I could look, or get in and delete everything it would go away - but I guess OCD would keep on demanding more. I'm actually afraid to look, I don't think it would give me relief because I feel there might be evidence there. I don't know. My brain is a total mess.

Link to comment

I'd say the 'normal' way would be to look once, decide either way, deal with it, delete or just leave them and get on with life.

HOWEVER, you said you did look two years ago, found nothing even told your partner so it's done, over and dealt with :cheers:

Bring back the days of landlines and not everything being kept in the 'cloud'... I'm just old enough to remember pre-mobile days when I was asked out on the landline... living in the moment, nothing kept for posterity.  Those were the days, my Atari ST, passing otes instead of text messages and true love:lol:

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...