Upset by YouTube video .... feeling down....

[tigershark]

Hi guys and gals.... I have Pure O and battle obsessive thoughts that I may be attracted to guys and kids.. I work as a school teacher and so far this year my OCD has been tough going...

i even doubt a lot that I have OCD...I have been told by numerous therapists that I have OCD...

with me it's often a feeling... an emotional reaction ,.. that .. maybe I am attracted to someone...

i take ssri mess, have gotten lots of CBT & practice meditation... last night I watched a YouTube interview on lbs radio where a man who has been attracted to kids since age 14 talking about how this orientation really upsets him & disgusts him.. he has been seriously depressed / suicidal on numerous occasions... he said he has strong self control & morals and will never act on his urges...

 

since i I watched it I have been feeling very sad and down... I also feel disgusted from my thoughts, so I began to think  ... I could be like this guy....

i am just a bit tired and battered from battling OCD and how it makes me feel..

 

cheers guys...

 

tiger

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 23, 2017 by Ashley
Removed swear word

[NoahsArk]

Hi Tiger. It's always easier for me, as with people with ocd in general, I think, to see someone else's thoughts as OCD thoughts than to see my own thoughts as being clearly obsessive. In your situation, you are worried that you might be immoral and attracted to minors. The fact that you're a teacher plays into these false thoughts even more. From what I've seen, it's always people's values that OCD attacks most. For example, if someone is homophobic, OCD will make them think they're gay. On the flip side, if someone is ultra open minded, OCD will make them think they're a homophobe. You are a teacher, so you want to be professional and the thought of being attracted to your students is repulsive to you. OCD is playing on that by making you feel that you might be attracted to them. Someone once told me that to beat OCD you have to act even stupider than it is and say "ok OCD, you are telling me that I'm attracted to my students but you know what, I'm not going to figure out whether what you are saying is true or not, I'm going to go about my job anyway and do what it is I'm supposed to do". It's not how you feel, it's what you do that counts. When you are doing the right thing, how you feel will change as a matter of course.

[tigershark]

Hey Noah's Ark... thanks for the reply... yea... you are right.. just getting on with things and ignoring the OCD is the way to go... but this particular obsession is just so sore and shameful... I am on a weekend away with family and my wee niece is spiking me too... my OCD kinda builds up on me...

 

the video last night just sowed a seed of doubt in my mind.. that real paedophiles are not disgusted by their thoughts/ images but actually enjoy them etc... 

i am gonna go back to my old CBT therapist for a bit of support...

[ashipinharbor]

Just want to say that a lot of hocd sufferers aren't homophobic. The threat isn't being gay, but to their life, and how they want to have their future. Like, they see it a certain way, and hocd is the opposite of that.

[Ashley]

Dear All,

I appreciate that OCD makes us feel rotten, and I don't want to pour grief on when we are already struggling but there really is no need to bypass the swear filter to use a word that was filtered out for a reason.  If I can please ask you all respect the swear filter. Thanks   

[PolarBear]

So the logical question is... that guy in the video who is disgusted by the way he thinks... What's to say he doesn't have OCD, just like you?

There are lost people out there. They've hung around pedophiles on the Internet and theyve come to believe they are something they are not. Its sad.

[ashipinharbor]

19 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

So the logical question is... that guy in the video who is disgusted by the way he thinks... What's to say he doesn't have OCD, just like you?

There are lost people out there. They've hung around pedophiles on the Internet and theyve come to believe they are something they are not. Its sad.

I was going to say the same thing (but I was worried it would be reassurance)

Hopefully, your movie helps others who think they're something they're not.

Edited September 23, 2017 by ashipinharbor

[NoahsArk]

2 hours ago, NoahsArk said:

 

Asiphinharbor you are right. OCD has no rhyme or reason to it. What you said about my first example makes sense. The main point I was trying to make is that OCD attacks people's values. I didn't mean to generalize about a specific kind of OCD. Most people who have obsessive fears of being gay themselves I'm sure have nothing against other people who are gay.

Tiger watching such videos sounds like a compulsion in itself and something to stay away from because it sounds like you are trying to investigate whether or not you are good or bad.  I guess the main question is how is looking into this going to help your life? I remember I taught in an after school program about ten years ago. I was sitting at a table with one student across from me and another student on my left. For about a second, my knee accidentally touched the knee of the girl on my left. I don't know if it's because she moved or because I moved. I kept thinking for years that maybe I did it intentionally. The worst part about it, though, was that I thought I caused permanent mental trauma to her from the incident. I've taught thousands of students in after school programs, and this was the one incident that stuck with me. I talked to my therapist years later who said that the girl would not have even remembered an incident like that. This OCD, just like other incidences of OCD in my life, did nothing but to waste time.

[Rucker]

22 minutes ago, NoahsArk said:

Tiger watching such videos sounds like a compulsion in itself and something to stay away from because it sounds like you are trying to investigate whether or not you are good or bad

I was going to say the same thing.  I think modern life plays a big part in making things like OCD worse.  I think it would exist regardless, but I genuinely think we are over stimulated by access to so much information, visual images on TV, too many things to check etc. 

I was reading some articles (by accident) by an academic on false memories in relation to criminal cases. Fascinating really, though not uncontested, but it was basically how malleable the mind is to stimulus for remembering false memories and how they are easily added to and changed.    I think that with OCD and the stimulus we see on TV, Internet but also from real life iteractions is a bit of a driver that makes things much worse. Hence the diversity of youtube videos some will bound to be a bad stimulus.

When I manage to get away hiking/camping for a few days my symptoms drop off immensley.  Not completly as it's quite ingrained but removal from so much stiulus really makes a huge difference.  I got rid of my smartphone for that reason, it was so easy to get over not searching for anything and everything to defeat boredom when out and about.

Sorry I can't be of more help. Stay strong.

[tigershark]

Hi ! Thank you for the feedback...

i find my OCD often builds up... I am only back at school x3 weeks so naturally it has upped its game,... then I am away on a weekend and my niece spikes me a bit... then I am on my phones reading and surfing the web & of course a headline grabs my attention: something about a paedophile who manages to control and not act on his urges & I just had to watch it... I don't know if it was for exposure or maybe slight checking/ reassurance... probably a bit of both... so after watching it.. I went to sleep uneasily & woke up quite down...

 

i should no no better as I have been battling OCD for many years and have done quite well... but as I said... I can get really trapped emotionally and kinda beat up & like my OCD theme has sort of shock me into submission... it can be very tough... it sometimes takes me a few days to recover & snap back to normality ....

 

tiger