DESPERATE

[lily17]

I see myself as an evil person. I can see it, I must’ve had those reasons even when I wasn’t fully awake.  I’m angry, I’m so angry and I can’t stop beating myself up (and I mean it literally) I deserve to be punished.

Edited October 19, 2017 by snowbear
Removed swearing

[lily17]

It’s good that I’m finally dying. 

[Bodger]

Hi Lily,

If that is a serious post, you need to go A&E immediatly.

[St Mike]

I agree with Bodger, please call an ambulance to get you to A&E. Even paedophiles don't get the death sentence, they have to undergo corrective psychological treatment.

Don't be RASH!

Stop for a while and Calm down. 

It is not worth losing your life over instrusive thoughts!

[Lisa davis]

Hi lily, I second the advice given by bodger and StMike....please seek urgent medical attention. 

This is OCD not you x

[lily17]

So you think i’m a paedophile, StMike? 

[lily17]

I don’t know what A&E is and I took some pills and I dont carr if I die death is better than being a peadophile anyeauy

Edited October 19, 2017 by lily17

[St Mike]

3 minutes ago, lily17 said:

So you think i’m a paedophile, StMike? 

No.

Just now, lily17 said:

I don’t know what A&E is 

Accident and Emergency department of a hospital.

[Lisa davis]

Lily you have to try and realise that all these intrusive thoughts are OCD and do not represent you as a person. I know it's hard but you have to stand up to OCD and fight it. Are you having any therapy or seeing any medical professionals?  

[Bodger]

Lily - Go to hospital if you have taken some pills. 

[St Mike]

Yes, please get someone, your parents or a friend to get you to hospital if you had taken any pills.

[Lisa davis]

Oh lily please seek help, you don't deserve to feel like this x

[lily17]

I dont think these pills will kill me but hope thdy do I deserve to die im a sick pdfophile

[Bodger]

Lily, you don't deserve to die. Please tell your parents what you have taken.

Do they know about your OCD?

[Lisa davis]

You do not deserve to die, you deserve to live life, a happy one just like we all do. And you can. This can be beaten lily, this is ocd and its lies not you as a person. I hope you can speak to someome close to you and tell them how you are feeling right now. 

 

[lily17]

I can’t live with what I’ve done. If you have been following this thread, you’ll know what I’m talking about. That’s it. I hope I die.

[Bodger]

Think about the people that love you. How would they cope if they found your body?? How would your sister cope??

Now tell someone what you have taken.

[lily17]

My sister is way better off without me I dont wanna molest her and I’ll end up doong I loce her so much she is bwtter off without me as everyone elae 

[Bodger]

I am sure everyone would disagree. You would never molest your sister, again it's OCD.

[lily17]

Yes they know abouf my OCD my mum mostly 

[lily17]

1 minute ago, Bodger said:

I am sure everyone would disagree. You would never molest your sister, again it's OCD.

Then why was I gonna touch her with those intentions but couldn’t do it and she touched my hand ans I felt something I think

[Bodger]

As we have told you a million times, it was all OCD. Talk to your mum about how your feeling.

What pills have you taken??

[MissSparrow07]

There is a great thread (somewhere on here I can't remember) about groinal responses. I suffered these two with both my stepsister and my cousins. Physical contact felt disgusting to me, and if I was thinking about them just generally and had a groinal response I would blame myself and think all sorts of things. Issue is, we don't have control over our bodies, groundless responses can come at any time be it thinking about goldfish to your family to school etc. 

 

Please se don't do anything rash or harm yourself, get help! I have been in your position and come through the other side and I very very rarely even get these thoughts anymore! There is hope!

[lily17]

12 minutes ago, Bodger said:

As we have told you a million times, it was all OCD. Talk to your mum about how your feeling.

What pills have you taken??

So I’m on escitalopram and lorazepam for my GAD. I had to take one pill of escitalopram(10mg) and 0.5 of lorazepam in the morning but a few hours ago I took 4.5 pills of lorazepam (1mg) all at once and then I took two pills of escitalopram. I don’t think that was OCD the attraction felt real 

Edited October 19, 2017 by lily17

[lily17]

6 minutes ago, MissSparrow07 said:

There is a great thread (somewhere on here I can't remember) about groinal responses. I suffered these two with both my stepsister and my cousins. Physical contact felt disgusting to me, and if I was thinking about them just generally and had a groinal response I would blame myself and think all sorts of things. Issue is, we don't have control over our bodies, groundless responses can come at any time be it thinking about goldfish to your family to school etc. 

 

Please se don't do anything rash or harm yourself, get help! I have been in your position and come through the other side and I very very rarely even get these thoughts anymore! There is hope!

The thing is groinal responses have been a great pain to me until i found out they were not actual arousal but sometimes they come at me with this feeling of likeness coming from the groinal response and that’s why I’m worried thay I enjoyed it