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Ocd/Intrusive Thoughts and False Memories


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I am sorry for the long post. It is my first time posting on here about my OCD (I am not sure if this is pure o?) and I would really appreciate it if you could have a read and offer any help or advice. (It is very embarrassing so please do not judge as this is my OCD.) Thank you for taking the time to read my post. 

I am suffering from Intrusive Thoughts and False Memories of a sexual nature. (I have a fear that I have touched someone inappropriately on their privates especially male). It is very embarrassing and it is not like I deliberately want to act on the thought otherwise I wouldn't have so much anxiety afterwards, it randomly just pops up into my mind out of nowhere.

I have never suffered from this type of thought before and so I am finding it very very difficult to cope with it. It is very distressing. I have suffered from different themes of OCD over the years throughout my life but for me this theme (sexual thoughts) is probably the worst by far and it is killing me. I have been suffering from OCD and anxiety and depression since the age of 3 years old. I am now 29 years old. I got diagnosed with these conditions over 10 years ago. 

Thoughts of this nature initially started coming into my mind after I started watching porn. The image of a mans privates would just pop into my mind out of nowhere whenever I saw a male. This could be outside, inside, on TV etc. And then I'd suddenly think I touched the mans privates and then I would panic and suffer extreme anxiety. I have stopped watching porn because it triggers the intrusive thoughts. 

OCD started to affect me seriously from mid teens and since then it had started to get worse. And now I have ended up with depression too. Over the years I have suffered from various different forms of OCD. My mind has never had a rest. I am constantly battling irrational thoughts and anxiety every single day. Nobody understands. My family, my partner etc. I feel suicidal at times to end it all. 

It is really hard because my mental condition has got very intense with these stupid intrusive thoughts as well that I cannot function properly. I am scared of being around people due to these thoughts and I am scared to go out etc and the fact that my partner is not very supportive towards my condition does not really help and it is making me really frustrated as well.

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I have not yet met anybody with these sort of thoughts. I feel like I am the only one going through this and I feel extremely isolated. I have wanted to end my life because of these thoughts. It just gets too much for me and I feel suffocated. I feel I cannot handle one more intrusive thought. Does anybody have any similar experiences, can anybody relate to my thoughts and give me any advice as to how to deal with the thoughts? 

I honestly from the bottom of my heart would appreciate any input on this topic as I am just so lost right now and have been for the last 20 months. 

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OCD intrusive thoughts are "just thoughts". 

I was taught to treat them as "just my silly obsession",  not give them meaning and refocus away. 

They are unwanted unhelpful and negative. We get the urge to believe them, as they are processed through the normal channels of the brain. 

But they are falsehoods, distortions, exaggerations of minimal real import. 

Since we can obsess and compulse about literally anything, there is no need to find others with the same thoughts. 

It is OCD, pure and simple, if our thinking is obsessional, repetitive, causes compulsive behavior and results in disorder. 

 

 

Edited by taurean
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28 minutes ago, Lavendar said:

I have not yet met anybody with these sort of thoughts. I feel like I am the only one going through this and I feel extremely isolated. I have wanted to end my life because of these thoughts. It just gets too much for me and I feel suffocated. I feel I cannot handle one more intrusive thought. Does anybody have any similar experiences, can anybody relate to my thoughts and give me any advice as to how to deal with the thoughts? 

I honestly from the bottom of my heart would appreciate any input on this topic as I am just so lost right now and have been for the last 20 months. 

You deal with your kind of thoughts the same as any other OCD thoughts. CBT is the way to go, with some cognitive work and some behavioral modification.

 

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