OCD

[Lavendar]

As I cannot function properly due to this horrible OCD brain that has taken over my brain I sometimes wish my every action can be recorded just so I know that I haven't done anything stupid. My false memories keep making me doubt everything and I live in constant fear and doubt every day. It makes me see a scenario in my head of me doing stupid things and it scares the life out of me. I cannot function like a normal person. There is always something on my mind bothering me. It is just so hard to ignore these stupid thoughts. I am afraid of my own mind. It is always looking for things to set me off with panic attacks and anxiety. I am a nervous wreck all the time. I just don't know what is going to attack me next. I live in a world of fear and it is so sad when nobody understands what I am going through. 

[Oceanblue]

I understand what you are going through Lavender and also have been living my life afraid of my own mind and the horrible poisonous thoughts it is about to throw at me for the last 18 months now. I know how soul-destroying it can be and I am still very much on the path to recovery at the moment with quite a way to go but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and hopefully one day we will be able to manage this and  not have to live in fear anymore. Hang in there! 

[Lavendar]

Thanks for the reassurance Oceanblue. I have felt so alone for years until I found this site just over a year ago. This place is like home. It is my safe zone and I am so glad I found it. I don't where I would be without it. There are so many lovely people on here who are so understanding and comforting. We should all help each other at beating this monster of an illness that has taken over us. 

Edited November 11, 2017 by Lavendar

[Lavendar]

People still think OCD means being neat, tidy, clean and organised. We need to say to them, 'think again!'. We need to tell them that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a seriously debilitating disorder which leads the sufferer to having unwanted debilitating intrusive thoughts rendering day-to-day life a living nightmare. That's OCD!

[taurean]

We are on the case with this Lavendar. 

I talk a lot to people about my OCD. The charity OCD-UK does masses through its website twitter account and challenging misconceptions in the media and on TV. 

As you say, this place is great - the charity is run by sufferers for sufferers and everyone affected by OCD, and also helps spread better understanding amongst therapists 

[Lavendar]

2 hours ago, Lavendar said:

Thanks for the reassurance Oceanblue. I have felt so alone for years until I found this site just over a year ago. This place is like home. It is my safe zone and I am so glad I found it. I don't where I would be without it. There are so many lovely people on here who are so understanding and comforting. We should all help each other at beating this monster of an illness that has taken over us. 

I was supposed to say *I don't know where I would be without it.*

Edited November 11, 2017 by Lavendar

[taurean]

Agreed. Remember, part of your experience of this illness demands perfection. 

You can, with help from here, overcome that - many other sufferers share that problem. 

It's all about resisting the compulsive urge to change or amend or add. 

No-one reading will be at all bothered, your OCD will be what flags it up. Exaggerates, demands. 

There is a CBT technique called "the OCD twin" that I was taught and it helps me. 

When the illness is screaming at me to carry out a compulsion, I ask myself "what would..., who doesn't have OCD,  do in this circumstance - how would he /she respond?". 

That shows me the way forward. 

[Lavendar]

Trying to be 'perfect' is how it all started. I tried to be so perfect in everything that I made it become into a problem. Today this problem has overtaken my life and it has made me so ill. At first I didn't  realise what it was and I continued living in that way. I started showing signs of this type of behaviour from the age of 3 years old. Now it rules my life and has taken over my life and many times I have felt suicidal about it. I just feel as though there is another person inside of me or I even feel as though I have another brain (irrational brain) that controls me 24/7. 

Edited November 11, 2017 by Lavendar

[taurean]

There is no other brain, no entity. 

Just a mental illness, and unhelpful learned behaviours and responses. 

The best thing I did was find this charity and these forums. 

However bad your OCD, however bad your experiences, right here, right now is the way forward. 

Many people find this place when at their lowest ebb, and in despair. You are not alone.