People with harm OCD

[Rox]

I was wondering if you could help me. I have a lot of thoughts about harming my son. Sometimes it feels like I want to do it. Like I can’t stop myself, almost like hurting him is a compulsion in itself. Does this make any sense to you? I am struggling to connect to my son which isn’t helping me. I spent all of last night feeling like i had to keep still in bed so I wouldn’t get up and hurt my son. I woke up drenched in sweat. 

Any help would be appreciated. 

Rox 

[PolarBear]

Hi Rox.

An obsession is an intrusive thought, image, impulse, urge, feeling or sensation that causes distress. They are followed by compulsions, which are done to try to relieve the distress and/or to stop something bad for happening.

So what you describe as a feeling you are going to hurt your son is an intrusive urge, which makes it an obsession.

Staying still in bed is a compulsion. Its you trying to make sure you dont hurt your son.

[taurean]

Thoughts are just thoughts, and thoughts as a result of OCD are unwanted negative thoughts consequent upon an obsession. 

In OCD the obsession feels real because it reaches us through the normal channels in our brain. 

But OCD thoughts are distortions geared to a core belief which is false, an exaggeration of threat, or that generates revulsion (like obsessing about vomit).

We can obsess and compulse negatively about literally anything but, common themes are harm sexual preference, paedophilia, relationship, contamination, health. 

When we experience OCD intrusions, they seem so real because they appear in our minds just as other thoughts do - and they are very convincing. 

It's common in OCD to feel a real compulsive urge, but this battles with our real true core feelings ; as a child travelling on trains I would periodically experience the unwanted urge to pull the emergency communication cord to alert the driver and stop the train, even though there was no emergency. 

I felt I wanted to do it - I didn’t know this was OCD,  but I could see it was irrational and contrary to my true feelings - so I didn't carry it out. 

In CBT therapy for OCD we learn not to give meaning to or connect with the intrusions. 

Not to seek re-assurance, go searching for answers, test or avoid. 

We re-attribute our thoughts to OCD and leave them be and stop compulsing. 

And, separately, we learn to face up to what we fear in controlled spells of exposure and response prevention. 

So cognitive behavioural therapy is the way forward. 

Edited December 26, 2017 by taurean

[Rox]

I had CBT when my son was born and have been having it again but the exposures are very minimal because I have essentially had a breakdown and my therapist is worried that anything too challenging will make me spiral again. 

[taurean]

That sounds sensible. 

It will need to be done when you are capable, as it's necessary in order to render the intrusions benign so they don't affect us and ease off in power and frequency. 

Meanwhile I would take on board what we have been able to pass on. When it was explained to me by my therapist I felt enormous relief that I was not going mad, there was a reason why I was going through the distress of harm OCD,  and that reason was a mental illness called OCD. 

And I should feel no stigma or guilt for experiencing intrusions generated by the illness not me. 

Hope this helps you feel a bit better Rox. 

[Rox]

Thank you both for your advice. It’s so hard when the thoughts are literally screaming in your head. Xx

[Gary.p]

Great advice from two very knowledgeable people. 

Stay strong Rox, and try to accept its the OCD and not you that is making you feel this way. Try to do the opposite of what OCD wants you to do. Connect more with your son, don’t avoid situations that make you feel vulnerable. It takes a lot of hard work, but you can do this.?

[Rox]

My biggest issue at the moment is my inability to be left alone with my son. I’ve managed to now be alone with him if someone is in the house (which I couldn’t do a month ago), but I’m not yet at the stage where my husband can return to work. 

[PolarBear]

You've got to get there. The sooner you are alone with your son, repeatedly, the better.

Right now having someone around you when you are with your son is a compulsion. You think you have to do it for safety but what its really doing us reinforcing in your mind the thought that you could harm your child. The more you do it, the more ingrained that thought becomes. 

[Rox]

I know Polar Bear. I am trying. I was left completely alone with him for an hour today. And also half an hour last night. 

[taurean]

Well done Rox thst is good.

 

 

[HDC]

Good progress Rox, harm is one of my themes too... It's tried to pop in today as a matter of fact, I've stupidly given it meaning and had to stop a few compulsions today, it's horrible so I know your pain but keep going!