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How do you stop the thoughts or accept them? Really struggling


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So I have a partner who I love very much and for some reason I always get intrusive thoughts during sex or when we are kissing etc it's usually loads of different themes but lately it's been an ex boyfriend and it repulses me I have no feelings at all for this ex boyfriend and I'm really struggling with it. From getting up on a morning I'm checking if the thoughts there to going to bed and it is it won't go away it's horrible it's making me so upset and anxious I just want it to go away. Then my OCD then tells me that because I'm thinking/picturing him that I'm imagining it's him or something and it's horrible I just want to have a normal relationship and give my partner all of me and I want all of him I don't want to be thinking of anyone else and I just keep thinking what if it NEVER goes away what if, when/if we get married iv still got the thought? It's so hard I just want to be happy ?

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Hi Chels, 

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling, I remember what it was like to be having the thoughts 24/7 and it is so distressing and difficult. 

4 hours ago, Chels said:

From getting up on a morning I'm checking if the thoughts there to going to bed and it is it won't go away it's horrible it's making me so upset and anxious I just want it to go away. 

The problem with OCD and intrusive/repetitive thoughts is the more we try not to think about it, we automatically bring the thought/image into our own brains again - then play this loop of 'well if I'm thinking it it must mean something' or 'well if it didn't mean anything then I wouldn't have such an intense reaction'. The reason you are having an intense reaction is because it's so the opposite of what you want, this combined with the anxiety exacerbate the thought and make it even stronger, but then your reaction remains the same, because you can't stand this thought. Does that make sense?

As humans we have weird and wonderful thoughts all the time, and some of them are rubbish. Some of the rubbish we ignore automatically, and won't remember because it doesn't distress us, some we will acknowledge are odd but then we let them go, and then because of the anxiety this thought is lingering because you find it so distressing. 

But the truth is this thought can go away. I can prove that, I have been free from my obsession for over a year now, sometimes the thought crops up again, but I can let it go. 

Another thing about OCD is your 'theme' can change, and we have to apply the same techniques to each theme that may crop up. 

 

My best advice is to carry on with your day. This sounds ridiculous but you might find something to distract you away from it, even just having a few hours break from these distressing thoughts is a good start. The longer the break is the better, and eventually you might wake up and it's not there, later in the day it might pop up again, but any salvation away from OCD is a plus. 

Spend time with other people - Sometimes I'll feel anxious in the middle of the night, and just holding my boyfriends hand, or putting my hand on his shoulder grounds me. It brings me back to the moment, this is reality. This is where I am. I don't need to be inside my own head all of the time. Spend your days with friends, family or your boyfriend. Other people are often the best distraction.

Also just to relate to the theme of your OCD - I have had a couple of dreams over the past month that I have cheated on my boyfriend. I wake up distressed, but they are just nightmares. I dislike this thought, and that's the reaction you need to pay attention to. You don't want to think it, you don't want to be with someone else. You are distressed because of the love you have for your partner.

Sorry to go off on a tangent, but you are in the right place for support. 

 

 

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Thank you SO SO much for taking time to reply to me it really does mean so much to me. I do feel better than I did when I initially woke up this morning. My boyfriend is so so supportive and doesn't make me feel like I'm weird which is an absolute bonus and I am ever so grateful for that. But it's just frustrating when my friends or family don't understand my OCD they do try but they can't give me tips or advice because they can't understand as they have never been troubled with it and they can just brush the thought off whereas I can't :( ! But I suppose your right I need to not let it take over I need to carry on with my normal day to day things and continue to show the OCD (which I think is kind of like a bully in Your own mind) that I can be happy still! 

Thank you I am going to try x 

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I find it helps to keep busy. 

Being around others always a big plus.

I remember being in the throes of passion and then the intrusive thoughts would occur. Fair to say it put me off my stride!

It does get easier in time.

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Thanks Seb, I do realise it is just OCD and I know that and fully accept that and the reason being I go from my ex to my boyfriends best friend, anyone the OCD knows will hurt me and hurt my partner that's what it does it bullies you in your own mind :( 

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