Suicidal.

[Haayleey96]

Yesterday I had an absolutely awful day. I really hit rock bottom. I Just wanted to die, I didn't want to live. I'm feeling a little better and more alive but still very very down. 

My anxiety has been absolutely crippling. OCD has totally taken over. I Got sick of all the harm thoughts, and would rather die. Would rather die than harm anyone. I was so close to overdosing on tablets my friend had to ring emergency and I was taken to hospital. They got members from the crisis team to come and talk to Me, I told them everything and they sent me home. 

I felt okay last night. Now I'm at my mum's house my nerves are sky high. I was crying and panicking in the car before I even walked in. My friends had drag me in to my mams house. My anxiety is sky high. My heart is burning, I'm tense and shaking. Can't help but fear something bad is going to happen. 

[PolarBear]

Are you on meds for your anxiety?

Okay i see on another thread that you just started meds. They take a while to work. In the mean time you need to do whatever you can to calm yourself down. A hot bath, tea, soft music, curl up in a comforter. And talk to people. Talk about anything.

Edited January 8, 2018 by PolarBear

[Haayleey96]

Just now, PolarBear said:

Are you on meds for your anxiety?

I'm on diazepam and sertraline for anxiety 

[Haayleey96]

9 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Are you on meds for your anxiety?

Okay i see on another thread that you just started meds. They take a while to work. In the mean time you need to do whatever you can to calm yourself down. A hot bath, tea, soft music, curl up in a comforter. And talk to people. Talk about anything.

I'm finding it very hard. I'm also not sleeping very well at all because of it. It' horrible. My anxiety is constantly on a high. 

[Snowdog]

10 hours ago, Haayleey96 said:

Yesterday I had an absolutely awful day. I really hit rock bottom. I Just wanted to die, I didn't want to live. I'm feeling a little better and more alive but still very very down. 

My anxiety has been absolutely crippling. OCD has totally taken over. I Got sick of all the harm thoughts, and would rather die. Would rather die than harm anyone. I was so close to overdosing on tablets my friend had to ring emergency and I was taken to hospital. They got members from the crisis team to come and talk to Me, I told them everything and they sent me home. 

I felt okay last night. Now I'm at my mum's house my nerves are sky high. I was crying and panicking in the car before I even walked in. My friends had drag me in to my mams house. My anxiety is sky high. My heart is burning, I'm tense and shaking. Can't help but fear something bad is going to happen. 

Hi 

this might give you a bit a comfort but I also suffer harm intrusive thoughts and I also had a really bad day yesterday and said the exact thing to someone I rather die than harm anyone so I know how you feel so I wanted you to know your not alone...  im still struggling with it now and have been all week because I have had my meds upped because my depression was bad...  I’m not sleeping etc to.. but first thing to do is you got to stop the panic sit down glass of water and some mindfullnsss will help listen for sounds look at colours anything maybe go for a walk listens to how many sounds you can hear at the same time etc make yourself feel grounded it’s really helps me when panic anxiety at is high..and a nice hot cup of calming tea from Holland Barrett calm me right down you should get some always helps when I’m in panic I put two tea bags in and I feel so much better so calm I don’t want to do anything but relax..

i hope your medication starts to work soon and everything settles down.. 

be kind to yourself 

x

[Haayleey96]

On 08/01/2018 at 10:16, Snowdog said:

Hi 

this might give you a bit a comfort but I also suffer harm intrusive thoughts and I also had a really bad day yesterday and said the exact thing to someone I rather die than harm anyone so I know how you feel so I wanted you to know your not alone...  im still struggling with it now and have been all week because I have had my meds upped because my depression was bad...  I’m not sleeping etc to.. but first thing to do is you got to stop the panic sit down glass of water and some mindfullnsss will help listen for sounds look at colours anything maybe go for a walk listens to how many sounds you can hear at the same time etc make yourself feel grounded it’s really helps me when panic anxiety at is high..and a nice hot cup of calming tea from Holland Barrett calm me right down you should get some always helps when I’m in panic I put two tea bags in and I feel so much better so calm I don’t want to do anything but relax..

i hope your medication starts to work soon and everything settles down.. 

be kind to yourself 

x

I've also been struggling very badly with it. I had a bad episode yesterday, I just don't want to be here any more at all. My diazepam has been upped from 2mg to 5mg x3 times a day. I don't want to be on my own but i dont want to be around people either. I just don't want to be here any more. But I'm on 24/7 watch by my family. X 

[Snowdog]

On 10/01/2018 at 13:52, Haayleey96 said:

I've also been struggling very badly with it. I had a bad episode yesterday, I just don't want to be here any more at all. My diazepam has been upped from 2mg to 5mg x3 times a day. I don't want to be on my own but i dont want to be around people either. I just don't want to be here any more. But I'm on 24/7 watch by my family. X 

Hi how are you today ? You feeling any better 

Please be strong I’ve been here before and here again in the same situation and I promise you it will get better and you wkll get this under control again like..

how long have you been stuffering with Ocd ? X

[Haayleey96]

On 11/01/2018 at 17:58, Snowdog said:

Hi how are you today ? You feeling any better 

Please be strong I’ve been here before and here again in the same situation and I promise you it will get better and you wkll get this under control again like..

how long have you been stuffering with Ocd ? X

Sorry, just got this now. I'm feeling a bit better than what I was. The sertraline and diazepam has certainly helped. I' trying my best to be strong and keep going but it's hard. My thoughts are frightening me. It' almost as if I'm agreeing eith them. I thought I was on the up and then I started having thoughts about killing my brother and it is so hard as he lives with me now. They feel so real and I'm terrified ill break. I even woke up one day and was worried I had done it in my sleep, hoping I hadn't I went in his room and checked. I can' cope with myself xx 

[Symps07]

1 hour ago, Haayleey96 said:

My thoughts are frightening me. It' almost as if I'm agreeing eith them. 

Hi Haayleey,

I'm not sure what you 'theme' is, but from reading this thread, I guess that at least part of it involves thoughts of harming other people.

I've had thoughts of harming other people & I know what you mean when you say it's as though you are agreeing with them, or want these things to happen. But it's the OCD making you feel that way. The thought of harming someone else is usually about thinking you are a bad person, & the agreeing with, wanting to do it thoughts are a continuation of that theme. Ie, I want to do, therefore I am a bad person. It's still OCD, it just throws itself at you in different angles.

I hope you are feeling more calm at the moment?

Symps