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Good morning folks. Here’s hoping you’re all well.

Way back when, towards the end of the beer years(!), a man I occasionally drank with was prosecuted for being a paedophile.

For reasons I still don’t quite understand, having known one ‘in the flesh’ had a profound impact upon me. Until then, such people were the stuff of news stories I didn’t read, and documentaries I didn’t watch. Out of the blue one day, I began to imagine that the bar flies might suspect me of being of the same ilk, to the point where I actually volunteered to a couple of relative strangers that I was paranoid about being accused of such and protested my innocence (despite there being no evidence that anyone was having such thoughts towards me).

I divulged all of this to a family member recently, who replied honestly but unhelpfully that, had be been in their position, he’d have assumed (because of my unprompted protestations) that I WAS that which I was desperate to deny being. Since that conversation, I’ve been terrified, to the point of being unable to sleep, that a section of my town believe that I’m a paedophile, and that they’re plotting some manner of unspeakable retribution that will result in my being (potentially fatally) harmed. I’m even considering upping sticks and relocating as I’m that afraid.

I’ve never needed a rational, supportive voice more than I do now. Thank you in anticipation of anyone who can help quell my fears.

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Hi Oceandweller,

I wouldn't assume what your family member assumed at all.  I would assume that you were being paranoid as a result of what happened to the other guy and I think most people would think the same.  If you really were a paedolphile you would have stayed extremely quiet!  If someone said to me what you said (and I didn't know anything about OCD) I would think they were being pretty paranoid and that's it.  I think your family member will have been swayed by your "telling" of this story - as Snowbear wisely said to me recently, we never tell stories in a neutral fashion, and we influence how the person hears it. 

I think at the moment you are engaging in a lot of cognitive distortions: mind-reading (a section of my town thinks I'm a paedophile), catastrophisation (if they do they will harm me, possibly fatally, the only solution is to move away), jumping to conclusions, overgeneralising (because my family member thinks this, everybody does.) 

At the end of the day, you don't know for sure what anybody thinks - nobody does.  But you have taken what you do know (you spoke to a couple of people) and turned it into a whole bunch of imagined stuff (they all think XYZ, they're going to kill me, I have to move away, etc.)  Now you are engaging in compulsions.  This is OCD at work.

At the end of the day, most people spend 99% of their time thinking about themselves.  They won't be thinking about you and some paranoid ramblings - you don't say when this was but I'm guessing it was a while ago.  Your OCD has latched onto this now and you want certainty, which you can't have, as you know.  But everything you're doing right now is just keeping it alive in your mind.

I think you need to sit with this anxiety, reduce the compulsions, allow the discomfort to be there.  Eventually this will pass xx 

 

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23 minutes ago, OceanDweller said:

Since that conversation, I’ve been terrified, to the point of being unable to sleep, that a section of my town believe that I’m a paedophile, and that they’re plotting some manner of unspeakable retribution that will result in my being (potentially fatally) harmed. I’m even considering upping sticks and relocating as I’m that afraid.

I can't really give advice as although not the same topic, I have high amounts of paranoia. And you gave me some very good advice about it. The only thing I can say is this is a very strong reaction. A lot of people will have drunk with this man or befriended him through his life. And it's likely that other people like yourself disassociated them from this man too.

I think your seeking reassurance from that family member shows how much reassurance can back fire if we hear something that we don't like.

Oh, and dont move house.

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Now you know that the OCD mind latches onto little things and blows their importance all out of proportion. Do you think that is happening here? I do.

If the guy had turned out to be a murderer, do you really think the town would assume you were a murderer too?

Let it go. Refuse to get into mind debates over this. Let it die from apathy.

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Hi OD, 

I just want to say to you that I would have never assumed either what your family member assumed. I too would have thought that it was just paranoia. I would imagine that you weren't the only one that was affected by what transpired about his nature. 

I, of course completely agree with PolarBear, OCD has blown this all out of proportion. A situation that I am familiar with all too well and from the outside it is very clear to see. It's OCDs nonsense and lies. 

I do know that it is so hard to see when you're in the thick of it. I hope you feel better about this very soon. Sending you a big virtual hug. X

Edited by Emsie
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Hi folks

Thank you so much for all of your thoughtful responses. Much appreciated.

8 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I wouldn't assume what your family member assumed at all.  I would assume that you were being paranoid as a result of what happened to the other guy and I think most people would think the same.

 

8 hours ago, JennieWren said:

I think your seeking reassurance from that family member shows how much reassurance can back fire

 

32 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Now you know that the OCD mind latches onto little things and blows their importance all out of proportion. Do you think that is happening here? I do.

 

9 minutes ago, Emsie said:

I just want to say to you that I would have never assumed either what your family member assumed. I too would have thought that it was just paranoia

It’s comforting to learn that my kin’s response seems to have been untypical. And it does highlight how an ill-considered remark can have a devastating impact on the OCD mind.

I don’t know why I allowed myself to become so affected by this entire situation. In fairness, one of the guys down the pub I broached it with was kind enough to reply with ‘the difference between him and you is that you haven’t done anything’. So I’m going to assume that’s the general consensus and go about my business whilst avoiding avoiding certain people and places (if that makes sense!).

If I don’t post for a while, file a missing person’s report! (Though I’m now far more convinced that this is just another manifestation of OCD.)

Thanks again y’all. I do feel considerably less distressed than I did this morning. I might even treat myself to some kip tonight!

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I think your  giving too much meaning to your worries here OD, some good points have been made, people are generally pre-occupied with their own lives and won't give much attention to others.  The man probably had several drinking companions i would bet over the years, its a guess but some of these have forgotten about him. 

If i am connecting the dots here correctly from your previous posts  you have been sober for around 10 yrs? (massive credit for this by the way) so this association is over a decade old? 

I think you have blown this situation out of proportion. I  also disagree with your relative by the way.  You have nothing to worry about. 

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2 minutes ago, Avo said:

I think your  giving too much meaning to your worries here OD, some good points have been made, people are generally pre-occupied with their own lives and won't give much attention to others.  The man probably had several drinking companions i would bet over the years, its a guess but some of these have forgotten about him. 

If i am connecting the dots here correctly from your previous posts  you have been sober for around 10 yrs? (massive credit for this by the way) so this association is over a decade old? 

I think you have blown this situation out of proportion. I  also disagree with your relative by the way.  You have nothing to worry about. 

Hi Avo. Thanks very much for your post. Not quite that long, but that’s a generous compliment. Much obliged.

Ultimately, if someone with the capacity to ‘do me in’ also had the inclination, there would be very little I could do about it anyway, so worrying (as always) is pointless.

As you rightly say, how self-absorbed most folk are is a blessing in situations such as this.

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1 hour ago, OceanDweller said:

 I do feel considerably less distressed than I did this morning. I might even treat myself to some kip tonight!

So pleased to hear this OD. Hope you have a good kip tonight. X

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  • 1 month later...

So i am getting increasingly paranoid. There have been some destruction in the toilets here ltely. And i saw a poster here for psychedelics. 

So i went in and washed my can of energydrink like i use to because i think someone can put substance on it in the store.

Now do i feel like strange. Like i am zooming out. Could it be nxiety or am i druged in some way? Well i guess i am not. But i have read much about psychopathy lately and i get increasingly paranoid. Should i stop reading about the matter for a time? I mean i get emotional

Edited by Isthisreality
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46 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Washing the can is a compulsion and needs to stop.

Yes i need to stop it. It was just when i read about such egocentric people and i realize how they see people. Or well i have washed for weeks now, guess i need to stop it. Funny thing is i don't even think about those compulsions because i have the worst one in my head. 

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