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Nomansland

Scared of having a child

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Dear all,

I have an OCD and thinking about having  a kid.

But I am not sure if I will be able to have a healthy kid as I am suffering from OCD and bad anxiety.

I had 2 loads of CBT which were very helpful but my OCD is still there.  My therapist says working on OCD is an ongoing process and it's not going to be cured once and for all.   I still get very anxious during the exposures sometimes and anxiety can last for a long time up to a few days before it subsides.

I have tried 3 lots of different medication also (2 SSRI's and a clomipramine) but I had to stop taking them due to very bad side effects.

 

My biggest concern is would it be possible for me to have a healthy kid if I get so anxious and without the help of the medication? I read that it is very bad for the development of the child if mother gets very anxious during her pregnancy.

I am so confused right now as I would like to have a child but am scared that my anxiety going to harm it.   Has anyone here had suffered from bad anxiety/OCD during pregnancy without taking any meds and still managed to have a healthy kid?

 

Thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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4 hours ago, Nomansland said:

My therapist says working on OCD is an ongoing process and it's not going to be cured once and for all.

In my opinion time to ditch this therapist, sack them and find one that will say something like 'recovery from OCD is an ongoing process, but over time it is absolutely possible to fully recover from OCD'.

If the OCD is still there then there could be a million reasons, but if our therapist holds such views then my immediate question would be is this therapist that knowledgeable about treating OCD.

If you are in London, then you actually meet the criteria to access the Centre for Anxiety Disorders and Trauma (CADAT) which is a specialist OCD service at the Maudsley Hospital. I would be tempted to ask your therapists to make a referral for you (or get your GP).  The criteria is 2 lots of CBT and 3 types of meds which you have had, so referral should be straight forward (about 4 month wait though).

4 hours ago, Nomansland said:

My biggest concern is would it be possible for me to have a healthy kid if I get so anxious and without the help of the medication? I read that it is very bad for the development of the child if mother gets very anxious during her pregnancy.

Maybe, but I don't think its ever been proven. Lots of mums have children whilst suffering with OCD and have happy healthy children with no signs of anxiety.    But, maybe if you access treatment through CADAT you will be feeling in a better place, and of course they are experts so can advise you further. 

Good luck.  Ashley

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I chose not to have children because of anxiety/OCD (40 years ago) because I felt my anxiety would prevent me being a good parent and that anxiety would have an impact on a child.  I now realise that although I am not regretful as such, it was probably the wrong decision to make.  

Get some good therapy, work hard to implement i and then make the decision to have a family if that's what (in your heart) you want :)

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Thanks for sharing your story Caramoole.  That's what I am also worried about is to second guessing myself in the years to come if I do decide against having a child.   And missing on the exciting life experience of raising a kid.

 

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2 minutes ago, Nomansland said:

Ashley re CADAT - do they provide a one to one therapy or is it a group one?

  I couldn't find this info on the web.  

It's individual one-to-one therapy.  It's CBT based, and perhaps unlike your previous experiences the difference is the therapist will be a specialist and will treat OCD all the time. 

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I had pre and post natal OCD with both my pregnancies. Now I realise it was just OCD and that it's something I've had for a looonnng time. It's not always easy but my children are well adjusted well loved and Fine.

even when it's been hard it's always been worth it. If it's what you want go for it.

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Hi Nomansland,

Good luck with your decision. With the right help then people with OCD can raise healthy, happy kids.

If I get the chance to have kids in the future I will take it provided I'm in a more stable place than I am at the moment and provided I know that my OCD won't have a major impact on my kid/s.

Edited by BelAnna

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Can I say I'm scared to have a kid due to sexual OCD?  The fear of possibly doing something (even though I never would) and having to deal with the anxiety etc issues everyday I think would be too much for me in the long run.  Its sad to me as I wanted kids badly a few years ago but considering I have issues being around my nephews/niece I wonder how'd I even able to handle being around a child full-time.  

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Zazoo I had this exact theme with both my kids and I got through it. By saying you could never deal with having kids you are giving credibility to your fears. If you want kids go for it. Yes it won't be easy but it's worth it. But you would need support and professional help. Well I have anyway.

i would also like to say the thoughts, groinal responses etc were terrible. But by facing my thoughts I got through it

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On 2/4/2018 at 16:36, Ashley said:

It's individual one-to-one therapy.  It's CBT based, and perhaps unlike your previous experiences the difference is the therapist will be a specialist and will treat OCD all the time. 

Thank you

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On 2/5/2018 at 10:52, JennieWren said:

Zazoo I had this exact theme with both my kids and I got through it. By saying you could never deal with having kids you are giving credibility to your fears. If you want kids go for it. Yes it won't be easy but it's worth it. But you would need support and professional help. Well I have anyway.

i would also like to say the thoughts, groinal responses etc were terrible. But by facing my thoughts I got through it

Hi Jennie, did you have any doubts before having kids if you are going to cope raising them and managing OCD? 

Your support - is it your family?  My other concern is that I do not have any family around and would have to do it on my own just with my husband's help.

 

 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Nomansland said:

Jennie, did you have any doubts before having kids if you are going to cope raising them and managing OCD? 

Your support - is it your family?  My other concern is that I do not have any family around and would have to do it on my own just with my husband's help.

 

Yes I thought I should stay away from kids as I had inappropriate thoughts about them. I decided I should never have children. Luckily I’ve always been a fighter for things that I really want and did it anyway. And yes I did have a very rough time but it was a 100 percent worth it.

i think if you don’t have family nearby it will be harder but my sister has mental health problems with no family nearby, and she finds support from online friends, local friends with kids (she joined the nct). Also, she set up a therapist to meet with regularly through pregnancy and after, to talk through stuff and get her medication right.

for ME so I can’t know how it will effect you, having kids has made my ocd worse and better. Worse because of the sense of responsibility and my fear of causing them harm directly or indirectly. And better because they forced me to face my fears and they forced me to live in more the moment. They are fun and interesting and they love me and being around me. They allow me to be childish again, and to play. They have been a powerful motivator in aiming for recovery and they have proved to me unequivocally that I am not the monster I thought I was quite the opposite.

whatever you choose, not doing something because you are afraid is always a bad choice. Especially if you really really want it.

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Hey, I had prenatal OCD with my eldest and postnatal with my youngest and I don’t regret having kids at all! I love them so much and the thoughts centered around children, well, the biggest exposure u can have is your own! I have had certain OCD themes return over the years but the “P” one hasn’t, I still have the odd thought but I just bat it away now because I know I’d never hurt them. I was very anxious during my first pregnancy and my son was perfectly fine, in fact he is very confident! I was very happy and well during my 2nd pregnancy and unfortunately it’s my youngest who struggles with OCD and other issues.xx

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