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Just seen a doc freaked out now


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I suffer from HOCD  (I hope to God I do anyway).   My libido for women has just evaporated in the last 10 years.  I decided on a whim to get my testosterone checked at the doctors.  It came back low.  I redid the test and it was even lower.  I was sent to an endocrinologist.  I told him I have erectile dysfunction issues and have low libido and he started asking if I was attracted to men and do they arouse me.  Why would he ask me that????     I told him no but I am freaked out because I am terrified I actually do and get groinal responses!  Did I lie to him??  Now you can imagine what this has done to my anxiety.  Its way up.   I'm freaking out I am just gay and in denial and lying to doctors.  Anyway he is concerned about my low testosterone and I am being sentto see if I have a brain tumour etc..  I am really worried about being gay and having cancer now.

Edited by Dave321
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Worrying you're gay is the same OCD worry it always was. Leave it alone- watch your compulsions and try not to follow them.

The cancer thing would scare anyone.  However, don't let your OCD get a hold of it... don't be googling or researching.  Try not to think catastrophically.  It's a test not a diagnosis yet.

I know it's hard but worrying about it won't change anything. Try to keep yourself busy- watch those compulsions!

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But why would he ask me that out of nowhere about being gay??    I must look gay or sound gay.  I do get groinal responses so maybe I just flat out lied that  was not gay??   I am trying to not give in and look up symptoms etc.. But I am freaked out.  I was expecting him to say I was fine.  Now I have a whole series of tests to get done.  He is worried my hormones are not right.

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30 minutes ago, Dave321 said:

But why would he ask me that out of nowhere about being gay??    I must look gay or sound gay.  I do get groinal responses so maybe I just flat out lied that  was not gay??

All rumination.  You need to stop this.

 

30 minutes ago, Dave321 said:

I am trying to not give in and look up symptoms etc.. But I am freaked out

and don't do this.  Leave it to the experts that are treating you- not Dr Google who will only make you worry more.

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5 minutes ago, Dave321 said:

My libido for women has just evaporated in the last 10 years.  

Which is a common sign of anxiety (because of OCD) and more than likely an avoidance (perhaps sub-consciously) because of OCD.

 

5 minutes ago, Dave321 said:

I decided on a whim to get my testosterone checked at the doctors.  It came back low.  I redid the test and it was even lower.  

Which is a compulsion most likely.

 

5 minutes ago, Dave321 said:

I told him I have erectile dysfunction issues and have low libido and he started asking if I was attracted to men and do they arouse me.  Why would he ask me that????     I told him no but I am freaked out because I am terrified I actually do and get groinal responses!  Did I lie to him??  Now you can imagine what this has done to my anxiety.  Its way up.   I'm freaking out I am just gay and in denial and lying to doctors.  Anyway he is concerned about my low testosterone and I am being sentto see if I have a brain tumour etc.. 

All OCD obsessions and doubts Dave, but until you start acknowledging OCD (no such thing as HOCD) and focus on challenging the OCD these doubts and worries will always be there. I really wish you had sought an OCD expert rather than a physical check, as I suspect most of the issues are linked to OCD.

 

 

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35 minutes ago, Dave321 said:

I must look gay or sound gay.

So what if you do, looking or sounding a certain way does not mean someone is gay.  We have been here before and we can't keep going here Dave. You need to take some responsibility for how you manage your thoughts and doubts related to OCD.

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But I have very low testosterone.  He said it should be much much higher and there was also a concern about some other hormone level.  It could be a tumour in my pituitary and I am getting an MRI.  He says something is causing your low testosterone.  So now its not enough to be terrified of being gay but I have to deal with the potential of having cancer as well. 

Life keeps getting better.

 

I was also diagnosed with a physical issue in my penis in 2006 called 'venous leak' and was told by the urologist that I will never get erections again.

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No I'm confused.  You insist I have ocd and now you ask why I am posting here. Very welcoming.  I'm trying to explain my situation and you have are being narcissistic because I clariified I have phsyical problems too not just imagining things up because of ocd.

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Dave

Totally get why you would freak out about what the doctor said, but try and not read anything into it. What you describe is not most people describe as arousal - a pleasant, natural feeling that just occurs over which you have no control, you simply describe something happening down there, which as people have outlined can be a symptom of anxiety. Maybe the low testosterone thing is the answer to your libido and erection difficulties?

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I dont have control over the groinal responses or arousal.  (I still dont know what it is or dont want to acknowledge its arousal?).

I do have a lot of physical issues and just fear especially after the doc asked me this is being gay the root of all my problems?? 

Maybe if I tried being with a man it would work again???  (groinal typing that)

But I dont want to be gay or try it.

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But we’ve been here before and I’ve told you there are no rules you have to follow. 

I think what is holding you back is this ‘I don’t want to be gay’. You need to have the attitude of ‘IF I was gay then it would be ok’. It continues to be a fear of yours you need to let it go and have a so what attitude. 

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Maybe but I never see any advice that tells POCD sufferers to lose their fear of being a paedo or told to say to themselves ''If I was a pedo it would be ok''.

I am  scared of of being gay.   I dont want to be, I dont want groinals or arousals. They disturb me and make me depressed and anxious.   I simply cannot be ok with it.  My fear is deep down thats what I am and afraid to acknowledge it and I was freaked out this doc asked me do men turn me on.  I didnt know whether to say no or yes.  I said no and now I am convinced I am lying to myself and to him becuase I know I get unwanted groinals-arousals

Edited by Dave321
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The groinal response thing is well documented to be nothing to worry about or consider. I get them- used to get them with men when I was obsessing about being gay (still occasionally do), I have the same issues around children sometimes (another one of my obsessions was that I was some kind of sick child molester)- it means nothing.  They don't bother me anymore because I know it's not something I control and I know it means nothing except a nervous reaction to stimuli caused by an obsession.  The key is to not care about them- accept that they don't mean anything.

The thing the Doc asked- any non OCDer wouldn't have freaked out about it.  You do because it's related to your obsession (am I gay?).  Then you responded with compulsions (reassurance seeking, ruminating).  That is why you should recognise this as OCD at work and move on.

 

 

Edited by Binxy
Tried to clarify...
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 My OCD is different to yours but I am interested in the tests your GP conducted. Are you in the UK? Did you find it easy to be referred to an endocrinologist  and have the MRI screening. A German psychiatrist once gave me a MRI to check my pituitary due to low thyroid level. At the time it was the okay. It was standard procedure to her.  

I won’t go through my symptoms at the moment but undergoing a number of blood checks at the moment and might need to negotiate more tests. In physical and mental health we need to be a self advocate and mug up on what’s possible.

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2 hours ago, Dave321 said:

You insist I have ocd and now you ask why I am posting here. Very welcoming.  I'm trying to explain my situation and you have are being narcissistic because I clariified I have phsyical problems too not just imagining things up because of ocd.

Dave, you have posted the same things for the last few years and have failed to grasp or understand why OCD works, so my line of questioning was more than appropriate. 

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