Why do I need to know

[JennieWren]

So my homework this week from my psychotherapist was, ‘why do I need to know’.

im finding this very confusing to answer as it’s more of a feeling of urgency and obsession. I am constantly trying to understand who I am, to understand my past, how I interact with the world, why I can’t/don’t keep friends. Why I’m so sensitive to everything and what that means. It’s like a giant puzzle I have to figure out or else.

But without that need to know I would never have found out that what I was doing was ocd, I would never have changed so much about my way of thinking that was causing me to suffer. I wouldn’t be as strong and challenging to myself as I am.

the opposite of needing to know is uncertainty and being able to accept that. But I find it very difficult. But I don’t know why. Every time I put it into words it falls short. Is it just a personality trait? Can it be that simple? Advice please!

[Franklin12]

It doesn’t sound like you are being asked to judge whether your reasons for needing to know is either bad or good. Seeing without judging can be beneficial. You like solving puzzles. This can have benefits or it can cause unhappiness. You don’t have to work out why you like solving puzzles. Maybe it’s your personality. Maybe you learned to like it. Maybe you don’t always need to solve everything, and sometimes you can let things go without finding an answer, because trying to find an answer is making you unhappy. Maybe you can’t tolerate the feeling of being uncertain, so you try to make that feeling go away by working everything out. I would try to take the judgement and anxiety out of the therapists question and answer truthfully. I think putting your feelings into words is a great way for you to take an objective look at where you are, and what you can work on to move forward. 

[taurean]

It's a great question, digging beneath the surface to seek out causation. 

My Mrs (the daughter of a scientist)  always wants to know the how's why's and wherefore's about everything. That puts pressure on me, so I refuse to play ball. I tell her I work on a "need to know"  basis only  And my "need to know"  works around trust and acceptance - so I don't need to know that much.