Anyone else?

[Skullpops]

Hi all,

This subject has been touched on recently and I could relate to it so much. 

I swing between being confident that I have OCD, everything points to OCD, I have an illness ect ect

to

Doubting absolutely everything, doubting OCD is even real, thinking OCD is real but I don't have it, I'm a bad person ect ect

Is this swinging back and forth quite common amongst sufferers? This can happen to me multiple times a day. 

[Rox]

I could have written this myself x

[kaheath80]

I used to be like this too, so I think it’s definitely normal for some OCD sufferers.

[Skullpops]

Rox,

Thank you ever so much for replying! 

I actually burst into tears when I read your reply, dramatic I know but I'm an absolute mess right now! 

Thanks so much x

[Skullpops]

Kaheath,

Thanks so much for your reply, when you say you used to experience what I described...does that mean you're doing better now? I really hope so.

x

[kaheath80]

I think I’ve stopped questioning whether I have OCD, that’s been better for ages now. And it was getting quite bad, I was constantly posting here for reassurance that I had OCD.

Now I’m doing the same thing with my BPD, but that’s a whole other story!

Doubting you have OCD is a common OCD theme. Do you have compulsions around it? For me they were posting here asking for reassurance, asking others for reassurance, Googling my symptoms to reassure myself I had OCD, going over and over it in my head...

[Rox]

9 minutes ago, Skullpops said:

Rox,

Thank you ever so much for replying! 

I actually burst into tears when I read your reply, dramatic I know but I'm an absolute mess right now! 

Thanks so much x

That’s ok. All this is so hard. When I’m not near my son I can see it for OCD, the minute I’m with him I doubt it constantly x

[Skullpops]

1 minute ago, kaheath80 said:

I think I’ve stopped questioning whether I have OCD, that’s been better for ages now. And it was getting quite bad, I was constantly posting here for reassurance that I had OCD.

Now I’m doing the same thing with my BPD, but that’s a whole other story!

Doubting you have OCD is a common OCD theme. Do you have compulsions around it? For me they were posting here asking for reassurance, asking others for reassurance, Googling my symptoms to reassure myself I had OCD, going over and over it in my head...

Oh I see. BPD....borderline personality disorder...is that right? I'm sorry to read of your struggle. 

Yes, I do a lot of what you describe, I constantly Google symptoms of OCD, read books, compare myself to the folks on here, ruminate continuously...

[kaheath80]

Yes that’s right. Thank you.

Yeah that sounds like me for sure- I found a post when I was at my worst 

I know that I’m not supposed to give reassurance, so I can say that the best advice is to forget it. Trust in professionals, if you’ve been diagnosed. Accept the uncertainty and try and get on with things.

It’s not easy- my post above proves I know that as well as anyone else. Are you having therapy?

[Skullpops]

1 minute ago, Rox said:

That’s ok. All this is so hard. When I’m not near my son I can see it for OCD, the minute I’m with him I doubt it constantly x

Awk Rox, 

I have a son too. I also have a daughter. Did OCD begin for you with pregnancy/post natal? I was diagnosed at 15, was alright during pregnancy/following birth with my daughter, relapsed during pregnancy with my son and still battling. I was in hospital for 4 months, partly whilst pregnant and then after I gave birth. x

[Skullpops]

3 minutes ago, kaheath80 said:

Yes that’s right. Thank you.

Yeah that sounds like me for sure- I found a post when I was at my worst 

I know that I’m not supposed to give reassurance, so I can say that the best advice is to forget it. Trust in professionals, if you’ve been diagnosed. Accept the uncertainty and try and get on with things.

It’s not easy- my post above proves I know that as well as anyone else. Are you having therapy?

Hello again,

Thank you ever so much for going to the trouble of finding a previous post for me too see. 

I try so hard so remind myself that the professionals know what's going on and I've had countless mental health experts agree that I have OCD. Yet my mind still tortures me

"but what if it's not?"

argh! 

Yes, having therapy. Therapist is lovely and very knowledgable on OCD in particular. 

[kaheath80]

Very glad you have a good therapist. Have you spoken to them about this?

I managed to get over this issue myself before I had CBT, so I’m not sure how my therapist would have dealt with it, but I’m sure they’ve come across this one many times before!

[Skullpops]

Yeah I've mentioned this to my therapist, she is in absolutely no doubt whatsoever that I have ocd and is working with me to try and get me to a point where I'm not questioning it. 

[kaheath80]

I realise I am not good at following my own advice here- telling you to not question it but then questioning my whole BPD diagnosis. But that’s OCD, right? We can easily tell other people- ‘it’s obvious you have OCD’ but when it comes to ourselves, we doubt we have OCD, or BPD, or whatever.

[Skullpops]

10 minutes ago, kaheath80 said:

I realise I am not good at following my own advice here- telling you to not question it but then questioning my whole BPD diagnosis. But that’s OCD, right? We can easily tell other people- ‘it’s obvious you have OCD’ but when it comes to ourselves, we doubt we have OCD, or BPD, or whatever.

Absolutely. We can so easily identify OCD in others but doubt it within ourselves. As you say, that's OCD! It's exhausting. 

[Rox]

2 hours ago, Skullpops said:

Awk Rox, 

I have a son too. I also have a daughter. Did OCD begin for you with pregnancy/post natal? I was diagnosed at 15, was alright during pregnancy/following birth with my daughter, relapsed during pregnancy with my son and still battling. I was in hospital for 4 months, partly whilst pregnant and then after I gave birth. x

I had it when I was younger too but I didn’t recognise what it was. I worry about how people see me constantly and I’ve always needed things to be perfectly organised and clean in case people think badly of me. When I first left home I wouldn’t allow anyone to come over unless I had given the entire house a deep clean which then became a compulsive ritual every day or I couldn’t relax for the rest of the day. I’ve had relationship ocd where I’ve woken up one morning and had the thought that I don’t love my husband, which has then become an obsession with confessing which lasted for months. And finally the harm theme. This particular theme started when we started trying to conceive and got progressively worse until my son was one. I had CBT and it worked brilliantly up until September of this year when I had a significant relapse and am still struggling badly. X

[PolarBear]

I spent ten years going back and forth between believing i had OCD and believing there was something far worse wrong with me. Ten years. Thousands of hours of Googling and ruminating.