Persuade 12 year old to have counselling

[Wishingherwell]

My 12 year old daughter has had OCD since last summer ,it continues to get worse . She thinks she is contaminated and can spread germs .the rituals are repeated hand washing using hand gels (her skin is red raw) She wont wear things if it has touched anything in a particular way and her duvet needs changing daily ,she needs her own towels so the washing pile is huge daily! She wont touch things in shops ,she has to look at things in a certain way ,she has intrusive thoughts the list goes on !

She is on the waiting list for CAHMS which is 3 months away ! We found a private counselor and the first session went well and she seemed very happy and liked the counselor  and even managed to stop 2 rituals . She has now decided she doesn't want to go back and wants to wait for CAHMS appointment ,she wont give me a reason for not wanting to go back just said something feels not right ?She says she will get better by working on it by herself . She wont even read library books i got her on techniques as she thinks she will contaminate them and is not open to any other ways of help.

Do i as a parent tell her she has to go to the private counselor and force her  as she needs to get help ,or is there any other way to persuade her to go ? Has anyone else had this problem ?

 It is affecting the whole family and we cant really wait 3 months for Cahms!

[carolj]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Its a long time since my son was 12, but I do know what you are going through and the awful sense of frustration and helplessness.

Ive learned that its frightening having to face OCD and it could be that although she was happy with the counsellor, having to challenge the OCD was just too much.  I think its really hard to force her to go, because she will probably just ignore what the counsellor says and carry on as before.   May be if you tell her that you want her carry on going, but she will have control over how she challenges her OCD?  The problem is that you know she won't work on it by herself and of course CAHMS will be similar to what the counsellor is doing now.  Does the counsellor have experience with OCD?

 

[Delphine]

Hallo I really do sympathise as our daughter is also 12 and suffers from a fear of germs which at one stage was very severe and stopped her going to school....we did a obtain treatment from Cahms , at first she was very reluctant and didn't want to engage, staying in our car outside the hospital but the therapist went out to speak to her and she eventually agreed to go inside and chat to them . 

She was initially prescribed risperidone and sertralline and had about 4 months of CBT which worked well.....at her worst she stopped eating and drinking so we had to take her to A and E where she was admitted for the weekend so I think we got bumped up the waiting list as this happened several times .... at the end of the therapy she started a new school and all went well until it started to come back last November. It seems that she hadn't had enough therapy so she is now seeing a private clinical psychologist who used to work for Cahms and this is going well ....we have also been offered more therapy by Cahms but we feel we have more control now and hopefully this time the OCD can be completely eradicated....However we had approached at least three private therapists when she was very ill and it's so difficult to find the right one ....we felt we were going round in circles .....none of them were right for her and once we were in Cahms we were impressed by the care and professionalism....the only downside is that they might try and stop therapy before your child is quite ready as in our case but I would still recommend them....however the waiting stage is so difficult especially if your child won't engage ...we felt desperate before she got help and it's awful that you have to wait so long for a Cahms appointment... as the other poster said is the therapist a clinical psychologist with experience of OCD as I think this is vital .........it might be that Cahms will offer a different approach if you can wait that long 

[Wishingherwell]

Hi 

Thank you both so much for replying .

Yes the counselor is CBT trained and also specializes in children's issues .

She is still refusing counselling ,i have talked to her about the rituals will be challenged slowly and at a pace she is happy with and she can talk to her about whatever she wants too .

I have rung CAHMS again to check on waiting list times and it is months !! However they offered me and my daughter a holding appoinment to discuss her new issues and offer some guidance in the mean time . I told my daughter and guess what ..Shes not going ,she doesn't want to talk to anyone . She told me she would only see CAHMS people and now she has gone back on that !

She now has new intrusive thoughts ,that she thinks are dirty (sexual i guess ?) and if she looks at her clean clothes to put on after that they are dirty and she wont wear them . She has also started getting a zoned out look where she looks possessed and wont speak . Its getting scary .

Do we put our foot down as parents and in charge of her health and well being and force her to go ?

I was also thinking of maybe starting her on a low dose medication to help with her anxiety and be more open to help ,does anyone have any experience of medication and OCD ?

Both myself and my husband have depression and i have anxiety ,so poor thing didn't stand a chance ! We are both on medication which greatly helps us .

[snowbear]

4 hours ago, Wishingherwell said:

Do we put our foot down as parents and in charge of her health and well being and force her to go ?

Hi wishingherwell,

This is always a difficult question to answer on the forum as it crosses the boundary between parenting choices and mental health management advice. 

It's your choice, but now you can make the decision in the knowledge that your daughter will agree to almost anything as long as its in the future - and then renege on the agreement when the time comes. This is typical behaviour for anyone not wanting to face their OCD. Often people say they aren't ready to face it 'yet', but the sad truth is she will never be ready. You have to force yourself (or be forced/persuaded) to start therapy and hope that readiness will follow. 

I'm not a fan of medication to treat OCD, particularly in children. However that's a decision you need to make with your doctor, your daughter and her therapist and will depend on symptoms and progress (or deterioration) among other things. 

Good therapists trained in CBT and child issues are rare so if you have access to one my suggestion would be to persuade your daughter to see her again by fair means or foul! 

Good luck. Let us know how it goes. 

[Wonderer]

Hey, so sorry ur daughter is so unwell and u are all going through so much. I just wanted to tell u that we started my son on a very low dose of sertraline and it did not agree with him one bit, I have heard wonderful things from other parents though and the psychiatrist herself, it’s been throughly researches for use in children and is regarded as very safe for them. My son is 11 and we’ve discovered he’s extremely sensitive to any meds in general now, a very low dose of melatonin knocks him out to sleep, which is surprising as apparently it takes quite a bit more for most kids.We are now taking our time and considering putting him on fluoxetine, which will be given at a much lower dose than the recommended low dose to see how he tolerates it. It’s not an easy decision but at the same time, we must consider our children’s feelings and how we can help them in any way we can. I would make sure if I do go down that route that it’s under the supervision of an experienced psychiatrist. Good luck! X