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I would politely ask that those who have 'contamination' fears do NOT answer my post. This is part of my therapy to gauge responses from people without the same problem. 

So this is where my problem is of an adult nature, and I can't really describe it without being graphic, so please look away now if you prefer not to discuss a subject of a personal and adult nature. 

So in brief I have always had an OCD fear of a contamination nature and primarily bodily fluids, my own and others. Through applying CBT techniques I can now deal with urine and faeces but I have never really spoken at length about my fear of sexual body fluids... semen.  And I have therefore not dealt with using a therapeutic approach. Because of the collateral damage of my OCD, I have not really had any long standing relationship and sexual activity experiences with another person can be counted on two hands. So I don't have too much normalising experience to relate to, which is partly driving my fears I suspect.

My therapist wants me to gauge opinions.  Now I know that there is no exact 'normal' so I am expecting a range of answers but I am 100% certain they wont be to the extreme lengths I go to already, so the exercise should be helpful for me to understand what others do/think even if they're varied (which would be unusual if not varied).

So forgive these three blunt questions, but no point beating around the bush.  I think the top one is the most important to me, I think I know what most people would do with the last two, but I am interested in responses. 

- If you knew a person had just had sex or masturbated (and you know cant have showered), what would you do or think if that person perhaps went to say hello with a hug or a handshake? or even go to hug or touch your child?

 

- If you had sexual fluids on your body, hands or face or anywhere (yours or someone else's) what would you do before going out (i.e. wash hands, shower, clean) or could you go out without washing if you had no time or someone knocked at the door?

 

- If the sexual activity (alone or with someone else) got messy and fluids went everywhere, would you change bedsheets and clean the area?

 

If anybody would like to answer but would prefer not to on the forum please feel free to email me (I will treat every response with confidence). 

 

 

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OK so pretending I'm a man for the purposes of this!

No.1 - wouldn't honestly be bothered if somebody did this, although if I really thought about it I'd think they probably shouldn't. 

No.2 - would be a bit bothered, would wash hands, would wash off anything "tangible"!!

No. 3 - would probably change sheets. But again I wouldn't be massively bothered.  It would be more because I'd feel I "should".

My partner though (who is a huge cleanfreak but doesn't have OCD) would be massively bothered by any of the above scenarios!  So there is a range!

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7 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

OK so pretending I'm a man for the purposes of this!

You don't need to pretend you're a man, I am interested in responses from women (perhaps where they have been intimate with a man I guess).

But thank you for taking the time to answer GBG.   This isn't reassurance, I am just trying to be clear in your thought process if that's ok to clarify.

7 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

wouldn't honestly be bothered if somebody did this, although if I really thought about it I'd think they probably shouldn't. 

So if you visited friends and walked in on a couple of friends who had just been at it in the bedroom, you can tell their hair is a mess etc, and you wouldn't worry about hugging or shaking their hand, even though you knew what they had just been up to?

 

9 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

No.2 - would be a bit bothered, would wash hands, would wash off anything "tangible"!!

You would just wash hands, wipe with toilet roll, but you wouldn't shower and be ok with not showering?

 

10 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

No. 3 - would probably change sheets. But again I wouldn't be massively bothered.  It would be more because I'd feel I "should".

Say you couldn't change the sheets, if you had to lay out some clothes, I dunno, work clothes on the bed to get dressed, would you be comfortable laying clothes on the bed/duvet, even though night before might have been covered in stuff?

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1 minute ago, Ashley said:

So if you visited friends and walked in on a couple of friends who had just been at it in the bedroom, you can tell their hair is a mess etc, and you wouldn't worry about hugging or shaking their hand, even though you knew what they had just been up to?

Well I'd probably find it a bit socially awkward, lol.  And since being with my partner (who is very hygiene conscious) the cleanliness aspect might play on my mind a bit more now since I met her.  But before I met her and I was a slob (lol), honestly the cleanliness thing probably wouldn't have even crossed my mind at all.

 

5 minutes ago, Ashley said:

You would just wash hands, wipe with toilet roll, but you wouldn't shower and be ok with not showering?

Well in reality I am very hygienic following this kind of thing because of how important it is to my partner (who would kill me if I didn't shower lol!) But... if it was just up to me then no I wouldn't be particularly bothered.

7 minutes ago, Ashley said:

Say you couldn't change the sheets, if you had to lay out some clothes, I dunno, work clothes on the bed to get dressed, would you be comfortable laying clothes on the bed/duvet, even though night before might have been covered in stuff?

Hmm well I guess when you put it like that...!  I guess this would bother me TBH.  I would probably change the sheets.

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- If you knew a person had just had sex or masturbated (and you know cant have showered), what would you do or think if that person perhaps went to say hello with a hug or a handshake? or even go to hug or touch your child?

How would I know someone had sex and didn't shower? Honestly I  really wouldn't think about it. Yeah if you phrase it that way it's kinda gross. But it just wouldn't be something I'd be concerned about, unless I really, really started thinking about it.

- If you had sexual fluids on your body, hands or face or anywhere (yours or someone else's) what would you do before going out (i.e. wash hands, shower, clean) or could you go out without washing if you had no time or someone knocked at the door?

I can't imagine a situation where I'd have sperm all over my hands. Usually it goes into my body, I swallow it, or it'd be on the sheets or something. It's hygenic to wash your hands after a hand job or something, so I'd do that if I had the time/opportunity. but it's really nothing I would waste more than a few seconds thinking about.

- If the sexual activity (alone or with someone else) got messy and fluids went everywhere, would you change bedsheets and clean the area?

In what scenario do sexual fluids get everywhere? What kind of guy am I having sex with that has enough semen to explode across the room? Most sexual scenarios include a final resting place for the sperm (the woman's body, a condom, mouth etc). Even if some got on the bed sheets, unless it's sex with a stranger that I feel had some seriously iffy hygiene, or there was blood or something involved,  I'd just wash the bedsheets on my normal schedule – once a week.

Anyways, hope this was in some way helpful.

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Hi Ashley,

Q1 - the hug or handshake wouldn't bother me aslong as they'd washed their hands to get rid of bodily fluids or other body areas not covered in clothes that could come in contact with me e.g. bodily fluids say on their face. It is something that I have never thought about though and living with friends at uni during my undergrad and postgrad years I'm sure it probably did happen.  I would really want them to have washed their hands or any body part e.g. face that had bodily fluids on them if they were to hug or touch my child. 

Q2 - I would wipe anything off when visiting the toilet, probably wash my hands, but not essential unless obvious semen on them and yes I could go out without showering. I would answer the door without showering too. I would probably answer the door without washing my hands too as its not something that I think about. However, if there was obvious semen somewhere I'd quickly wash it off before answering the door. 

Q3 - the honest answer is I have done this on many an occasion and I would not be bothered if I put anything on the bed afterwards such as clothes the next day. Semen doesn't go everywhere on the sheets. I wouldn't let my child on the bed though before changing the sheets.

Edited by Emsie

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Strangely enough this used to be a massive issue for me years ago but as time has moved on my ocd has "morphed" to the point where none of those questions would bother me in the slightest.

my ex girlfriend had a thing about me cleaning up after sex and she would do the same and when I discussed it with friends they all said they just tend to roll over and go to sleep after lol 

other bodily fluids used to bother me like urine after using the bathroom I'd wash my hands too much but now I'm not bothered if I don't,but that's proabaly not right.

 

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1 hour ago, Ashley said:

- If you knew a person had just had sex or masturbated (and you know cant have showered), what would you do or think if that person perhaps went to say hello with a hug or a handshake? or even go to hug or touch your child?

 

- If you had sexual fluids on your body, hands or face or anywhere (yours or someone else's) what would you do before going out (i.e. wash hands, shower, clean) or could you go out without washing if you had no time or someone knocked at the door?

 

- If the sexual activity (alone or with someone else) got messy and fluids went everywhere, would you change bedsheets and clean the area?

I've decided to be really brutally honest and not hold back with my answers as I feel it wouldn't be helpful to beat about the bush so here goes...

1) This question would only apply really if the person was not my partner. I would probably feel a bit of revulsion. I could manage a hug but probably not a handshake. I probably wouldn't be too happy about them (or my partner in fact) hugging or touching a child either. But if it happened I would quickly get over it and not think it was that much of a big deal. But if I'm being honest these kind of thoughts/worries never really cross my mind at all. Also if it was my partner who'd just had sex/masturbated I'd be more than happy to hug them etc. Without being too crude evidence of sexual activity between me and my partner i.e. fluids, is a turn on for me (and probably most other people).

2) If I was going out I would shower properly. If they were on my hands and face I would definitely wash them quickly before answering the door. If they were on my body but not my hands or face I would probably just cover up with clothes on to answer the door. If I didn't have time to shower fully before going out I would get a quick wash ensuring all the "important areas" were clean, i.e. areas that have bodily fluids on them, but I would have to have a wash of some description before going out.

3) Nope. I've never once thought that fluids have "got everywhere". Like I said before, to me it is a turn on and not something that disgusts me. They might be on the sheets a bit but I don't really worry about it too much and would just leave it until I next change the sheets properly and I routinely change them once a week. However if I knew someone was coming round to my house i.e. friends, family members, I would change the sheets even though they would most likely not be going in my bedroom. I would also change the sheets if I was on a period and I'd had sex because blood literally gets everywhere then, but I would never clean the room or anywhere else at all. I would only ever change the sheets and not the pillowcase usually in this situation.

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Q1 - Gosh, it's really got me thinking now as its not something I think about. Actually, I think that I wouldn't want them to hug or touch my child. Having said that, it is something that's never crossed my mind as a concern. It's not on my radar as a worry. 

Edited by Emsie

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1) I literally wouldn’t even think to think about this. It has never crossed my mind, even when I know people under my roof have been ‘at it’. And that’s with 4 years in a HMO full of students at uni. If you made me think about it, I might possible think ‘eeugh’ if I genuinely believed that they had fluids on their hands, and I might feel slightly uncomfortable if I definitely knew they had fluids and then they definitely touched my child. But in all my years I have never been in that situation so I’d have to put it in the very unlikely to need worrying about category.

2) Not at all bothered

3) Not at all bothered, I’m pretty slobby and would just change sheets at the usual time. 

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Hi Ashley, could I ask you a question please? Not meaning to sidetrack your thread. 

You said you didn’t want anyone to reply who as contamination OCD the same as you. However not every person with contamination OCD would find the same things as you an issue. So from a perspective point of view, wouldn’t it also be helpful for you if someone who suffers the same theme but doesn’t find this one a particular issue be helpful? 

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Thank you all for your candid responses. Pretty much as expected. 

I know what I need to do therapy wise, but I am not yet able to do that so I am working on the cognitive aspect and still partly trying to work out just what I am afraid of exactly, beyond the obvious.  I feel if I can do that, and fully get an understanding of my exact worry and fear I may be able to do the exposure aspect (I can do now, but a 2-hour cleaning ritual then ensues).

 

12 minutes ago, lostinme said:

However not every person with contamination OCD would find the same things as you an issue. So from a perspective point of view, wouldn’t it also be helpful for you if someone who suffers the same theme but doesn’t find this one a particular issue be helpful? 

Yes that's fine, I guess I just don't want anyone answering who has the exact same issue because their view of things will be as extreme as mine. 

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3 minutes ago, Ashley said:

I know what I need to do therapy wise, but I am not yet able to do that so I am working on the cognitive aspect and still partly trying to work out just what I am afraid of exactly, beyond the obvious.  I feel if I can do that, and fully get an understanding of my exact worry and fear I may be able to do the exposure aspect

 

This sounds like a good plan.  I hope you are soon able to kick this part of OCD right in the backside.  x

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3 hours ago, Ashley said:

I would politely ask that those who have 'contamination' fears do NOT answer my post. This is part of my therapy to gauge responses from people without the same problem. 

So this is where my problem is of an adult nature, and I can't really describe it without being graphic, so please look away now if you prefer not to discuss a subject of a personal and adult nature. 

So in brief I have always had an OCD fear of a contamination nature and primarily bodily fluids, my own and others. Through applying CBT techniques I can now deal with urine and faeces but I have never really spoken at length about my fear of sexual body fluids... semen.  And I have therefore not dealt with using a therapeutic approach. Because of the collateral damage of my OCD, I have not really had any long standing relationship and sexual activity experiences with another person can be counted on two hands. So I don't have too much normalising experience to relate to, which is partly driving my fears I suspect.

My therapist wants me to gauge opinions.  Now I know that there is no exact 'normal' so I am expecting a range of answers but I am 100% certain they wont be to the extreme lengths I go to already, so the exercise should be helpful for me to understand what others do/think even if they're varied (which would be unusual if not varied).

So forgive these three blunt questions, but no point beating around the bush.  I think the top one is the most important to me, I think I know what most people would do with the last two, but I am interested in responses. 

- If you knew a person had just had sex or masturbated (and you know cant have showered), what would you do or think if that person perhaps went to say hello with a hug or a handshake? or even go to hug or touch your child.

 

- If you had sexual fluids on your body, hands or face or anywhere (yours or someone else's) what would you do before going out (i.e. wash hands, shower, clean) or could you go out without washing if you had no time or someone knocked at the door?

 

- If the sexual activity (alone or with someone else) got messy and fluids went everywhere, would you change bedsheets and clean the area?

 

If anybody would like to answer but would prefer not to on the forum please feel free to email me (I will treat every response with confidence). 

 

 

1. I wouldn't think their hygiene and cleanliness was up to scratch, but I would have no fears. 

2.I always pride myself on cleanliness. When my wife and I were courting we would enjoy sexual favours on Friday and Saturday nights, then I would get up and go and play football for the firm's team on Sunday! (I found that the sex acted as a stimulant and didn't hold back my football prowess - mind you we were playing in the fifth division!).

I would clean up my private parts before the game but nothing more as there wasn't time to shower. 

If someone knocked on the door whilst we were in flagranti or post co-ital I would at least wash my hands but nothing more. 

3. No. My sexual education had confirmed to me that sexual fluids are nothing to fear in those who are clear of sexual diseases. 

And I seem to recall that the sexual diseases need sexual contact body to body to transmit - though I was pretty sure my partner was free of infection and we used dual forms of protection anyway. 

Edited by taurean

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Q- If you knew a person had just had sex or masturbated (and you know cant have showered), what would you do or think if that person perhaps went to say hello with a hug or a handshake? or even go to hug or touch your child?

A- I would be disgusted. And I would think they were disrespectful in shaking hands with other people or touching others especially children or anyone with a compromised immune system

Q- If you had sexual fluids on your body, hands or face or anywhere (yours or someone else's) what would you do before going out (i.e. wash hands, shower, clean) or could you go out without washing if you had no time or someone knocked at the door?

A- I would definitely give my hands a quick wash even if it meant the person had to wait outside the door for a minute longer

Q- If the sexual activity (alone or with someone else) got messy and fluids went everywhere, would you change bedsheets and clean the area?

A- I would change the bedsheets if they were sodden (as it would be impossible to sleep in wet sheets). 

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54 minutes ago, Ashley said:

Thank you all for your candid responses. Pretty much as expected. 

I know what I need to do therapy wise, but I am not yet able to do that so I am working on the cognitive aspect and still partly trying to work out just what I am afraid of exactly, beyond the obvious.  I feel if I can do that, and fully get an understanding of my exact worry and fear I may be able to do the exposure aspect (I can do now, but a 2-hour cleaning ritual then ensues).

 

Yes that's fine, I guess I just don't want anyone answering who has the exact same issue because their view of things will be as extreme as mine. 

Yes I understand what you are saying and in that case it wouldn’t be helpful. I just thought that even though someone suffers the same theme it doesn’t mean that they suffer with the same problems so this might be of some help too :)

Good luck with therapy, hope all goes well for you :yes:

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My answers are wash your hands first for the first two and flip the blanket over the wet spot and continue on.

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50 minutes ago, lostinme said:

 

Good luck with therapy, hope all goes well for you :yes:

I echo this, and it seems like you and the therapist are working nicely together :)

 

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4 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

My answers are wash your hands first for the first two and flip the blanket over the wet spot and continue on.

There lies the difference between us PB. 

I throw myself into "too much detail",  but you do the job perfectly, succinctly :weep:

Oh well, at least I tried and hoped to raise at least a laugh, and break the ice a little :biggrin:

Edited by taurean
amendment

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Hi Ashley,

I am not someone to take advice from as I have the exact same worries, it's like I could have written all these questions myself. Its like you have been in my head. Below is what I do but know is OCD driven

- If you knew a person had just had sex or masturbated (and you know cant have showered), what would you do or think if that person perhaps went to say hello with a hug or a handshake? or even go to hug or touch your child?

Apart from the massively awkward social situation, I would want to run a mile as semen (mainly my own) but others too is my biggest fear. especially it getting on children.

- If you had sexual fluids on your body, hands or face or anywhere (yours or someone else's) what would you do before going out (i.e. wash hands, shower, clean) or could you go out without washing if you had no time or someone knocked at the door?

This one is my biggest dilemma, I have many safety behaviours around this act, don't masturbate for example on day I pick my son up from school, this would just be far too inappropriate I worry the motivation for this is act the picking him up from school. I have multiple others but won't go into them!

I prefer to shower to 'make sure' everything semen wise is gone, but of course I still doubt things through the day and wash my hands profusely. We came up with hand washing rules before I finished therapy. One was that after a wee there is not a reason to have to wash hands, unless about to prepare food. however this goes out the window if semen through masturbation is potentially still on my private parts  or hands has been involved earlier in the day and I wash after having a wee several times. 

One of my biggest fears is getting semen onto my son, this for me is about the worst possible scenario imaginable

- If the sexual activity (alone or with someone else) got messy and fluids went everywhere, would you change bedsheets and clean the area?

in the past I have bleached belts and put clothes in the wash incase of 'contamination' by semen. In terms of bed sheets I would want to wash and feel nervous if my son comes into our room and goes on the bed etc incase he comes into contact with semen. My wife has not been bothered by this but it freaks me out!

 

can I just say thanks for posting this! top end of my hierarchy is semen. I have finished CBT and still perform compulsions around these acts. in therapy we did talk about getting a cross section of answers to issues around semen to try and understand what is 'normal', however we didn't get round to it before finishing.  I came up with some hand washing rules but as I say these go out the window where semen is involved. 

Again a big thank you! I think I will benefit massively from the answers too! sorry I know you said don't post if you suffer with same issue but It is so similar to my own issues I felt I had to post. I think I will benefit from other forums users answers as well . Hope you don't mind.

Edited by Avo

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It's an interesting question from Ashley and it will be interesting to see how, working with the therapist, the reason for the fear in his case hopefully becomes apparent. 

It doesn't seem to be (though it might like vomit) be revulsion. 

What has always interested myself with the "bodily fluids"  contamination issue is that these substances are produced from within ourselves, yet our OCD 'd brain creates a threat scenario. 

What matters to Ashley is, rightly, his own "core belief" that is underpinning his - maybe hidden - fear or threat scenario. This may well be very different to someone else's, though the manifestation may appear the same. 

With these kind of situations which can be difficult to reveal, I find it nice that maybe the forum members can offer some assistance. Very very well done Ashley for opening up on the forum, and well done Ashley and therapist for combining to suggest using the forum to provide some feedback. 

P.s.I would like to apologise Ashley if I gave too much information in my answer - I got a bit carried away and, as you can probably tell, am not at all self-conscious about sexual matters. I see that a bland factual experience response such as PolarBear's is most appropriate here. 

Roy 

 

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I don’t have anything to add to this discussion. However, I am really glad you started this thread Ashley. For a lot of us there is a lot of shame and secrecy around our obsessions, and it can be near impossible to discuss them with anyone. I think it is really important to move past this so the right help/approach can be found. I don’t know your emotional response to your issue here, but thank you for leading by example.

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Just now, JennieWren said:

I don’t have anything to add to this discussion. However, I am really glad you started this thread Ashley. For a lot of us there is a lot of shame and secrecy around our obsessions, and it can be near impossible to discuss them with anyone. I think it is really important to move past this so the right help/approach can be found. I don’t know your emotional response to your issue here, but thank you for leading by example.

:WootSign::goodpost: Totally agree. 

And I do think the forum members as a collective have a part to play alongside therapists - this topic proves it. 

 

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On 14/02/2018 at 19:10, Ashley said:

- If you knew a person had just had sex or masturbated (and you know cant have showered), what would you do or think if that person perhaps went to say hello with a hug or a handshake? or even go to hug or touch your child?

- If you had sexual fluids on your body, hands or face or anywhere (yours or someone else's) what would you do before going out (i.e. wash hands, shower, clean) or could you go out without washing if you had no time or someone knocked at the door?

- If the sexual activity (alone or with someone else) got messy and fluids went everywhere, would you change bedsheets and clean the area?

1. Wouldn't see it as a problem. They are no more unclean than if they'd just arrived off a bus/train.

I know you said not to reply if you have contamination OCD, but my contamination issues aren't around health or body fluids and I think I have a representative 'normal' attitude to those. I'm actually replying to this thread because I was astonished to see hugging a child 'afterwards'  brought up as an issue. :confused1: Why treat a child differently? The scenario isn't exposing the child to sex in any way so therefore needs no special considerations because of the presence of sexual fluids. 

 2. Answering the door and dealing with whatever without washing wouldn't be a problem. It's no different to having dust on your hands from sifting through stuff in the attic; you'd wash hands before preparing food, but not to do other routine tasks. Washing hands before leaving the house would be normal, but you'd wash before leaving the house to go out anyway, not just because you'd had sex. A shower after sex is a refreshing luxury, not a hygiene necessity. 

3. By messy I presume you're referring to 'the wet patch'. Perfectly normal, totally harmless and no, I wouldn't think to wash the sheets until the next routine weekly wash. Volunteering to sleep on the wet patch can be an easy way for either partner to get out of the doghouse. :D Heck it's dry in minutes and then it's as if it was never there!

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Thanks for your replies all... one thing that did come out of this thread is that several of you are talking about weekly washing of the bed sheets.....    eeeeer are you meant to wash weekly?   I only wash mine every few weeks (unless OCD intervenes). :lol:   

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