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Just now, Ashley said:

Benzo medications are not something that we routinely use in the UK for anxiety (only short term) and definitely not as a medication for OCD.    Do you mean this thread triggered you? if so, maybe you need to consider if you're ready to use online forums?

 

No i have sexual obsessions as a trigger and i had a friend which i needed to cut off. Almost 3-4 years ago!! And now he contacted me somehow.

This is my biggest thing i have,so big i dont even  want to touch it. 


Mssive anxiety right now

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On ‎26‎/‎02‎/‎2018 at 20:31, snowbear said:

So who creates the feeling that you've become polluted? Who's trust might you be betraying by masturbating? Perhaps there's a parent or authority figure who taught you 'nice' boys don't do that sort of thing?

Not that I can think of.  You see this is a very, very good question my therapist should have asked me, but didn't. 

I honestly don't know what I am concerned about, maybe it's the physical contamination after all, but I dunno, there's just something different about this compared to my other contamination fears over the years. 

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18 minutes ago, Ashley said:

I honestly don't know what I am concerned about, maybe it's the physical contamination after all, but I dunno, there's just something different about this compared to my other contamination fears over the years. 

The only difference might be that you don't know why you're washing, whereas in the past you always knew why. So you'll have a lot more uncertainty than before, which could explain why it's been so difficult to overcome. 

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That's a good point too Gemma, although I do think it's more than just contamination, but some kind of mental contamination but to what percentage I honestly don't know.   

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3 minutes ago, Ashley said:

I honestly don't know

Precisely, you don't know. I have had so many OCD issues over the years and now i come across things (old dvds or old clothes etc) and I'm anxious. I have no idea when I last used them, no idea why I'm anxious, i have no idea, but the question of why don't I like them is OCD. Answering questions is OCD. We feel responsible for answering them, it would give us more certainty, what if we make a mistake, a wrong choice, what if we miss something. Needing to answer the question is taking responsibility that others don't.

The feelings being so strong is explained by avoidance, the need to find out why by inflated responsibility and in some part by us wanting what made other exposures easier. 

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Then again it could just 'be'. We've all reacted to things at times, sometimes we let go and other times it stays. I think there is value in trying to understand, but sometimes it's just the thing that we do react to. I remember being 8 and thinking oh no, why would I think to say this swear word or what if I said this to someone, perhaps we're kin of always going to find something. Are you still taking answers Ashley?

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Have you re read the sections in CBT for OCD on mental contamination and shame? Maybe something there will speak to you about what you're experiencing. Do you have any negative self talk at the time of being anxious? This could help work out what you're feeling. 

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