I constantly feel distrustful of people.

[Black Dagger]

I am a talented actor, and a writer, but everytime I get a new opportunity that I am very excited about, I immediately feel distrustful of my fellow writer/actor friends. I don't feel like telling them about this new job because I think they might do something to jeopardize it - like snatch away that opportunity from me. And this causes me a lot of anxiety. So instead of feeling happy and excited about this new job, I just feel terribly insecure. I start avoiding these friends, or if I meet them I contain my excitement because I don't want to show them it's important for me. I am still able to control my anxiety because I am at a stage of my OCD where I can manage my anxiety pretty well. 

But at the same time, I am avoiding these friends of mine. And it's not letting me grow as a person because I am losing out on important contacts in the industry. I know what I am feeling is irrational. Does any of you feel like this as well? If yes, what are the coping strategies you guys are using? 

Edited February 20, 2018 by Black Dagger

[PolarBear]

It's not a coping strategy but stop doing what you're doing. It's pretty simple.

You just explained how you insulate yourself from others when you get good news and then you explained how it negatively affects you.

Is doing that working for you? Clearly not. You feel isolated, you're not developing contacts and so on. What you do whdn you get good news is not working. So change what you do. Stop doing what is dragging you down.

[Franklin12]

Not quite the same as you but I do feel generally distrustful of people. For me, it manifests as me not liking to share any news I hear with anyone in case it turns into gossip and it comes back to me, or it goes to Chinese whispers and I get blamed for saying things I didn’t say etc. I don’t like talking about work in case someone knows someone from work who might contradict something I’ve said, and make me look like a liar, which I’m not etc etc. These are different to your specific fears but it does lead me to avoid networking as much as I should. I have come to the conclusion that it’s an issue around control. I fear not being able to control what people do with information I give to them, and bad consequences happening as a result. So now I try to allow myself to feel uncomfortable with being out of control. It’s a combination of getting used to feeling emotionally uncomfortable, but also acceptance that I can’t control what people do. People DO network and chat about all sorts, they gossip, swap information about others, and probably sometimes they upset people. This is all normal human interaction. Most people don’t over think this at all. So for you, I guess yes, maybe one day you could tell someone something that in a worst case scenario could cause you to lose an opportunity. Accept that is a normal part of life that everyone also contends with. But decide whether shutting yourself off as you are doing is preferable to living with the risk that one day something you fear may happen. 

[JennieWren]

1 hour ago, Franklin12 said:

I fear not being able to control what people do

Well this sums up pretty much my whole problem. Actually let’s shorten it to

i fear not being able to control

and then add: myself/others and their actions/contaminants/accidents/my health, illness. The list could go on.

It’s like I grip everything too tightly and my imagination is so vivid, and I know how terrible the world can be. Even though actually, nothing really bad has happened to me.

i think my advice would be to approach others, even strangers from a point of trust. Not naivety, but giving people trust first and then removing it if they betray it. When I’ve managed to do this I’ve experienced the opposite of my fears mostly. I find kindness and helpfulness and generosity. You need to try the opposite of what your brain is telling you. Decide to really go against the grain.

[Franklin12]

Hi Jennie, I think I would have actually been stronger if bad things actually had have happened. I had a very lovely upbringing, and although naturally risk averse I also think being risk averse was encouraged. I think we need to fail to become strong, like you have to tear your muscle tissue for your muscle to heal and become bigger/stronger. All those cliches are there for a reason. Live and learn! What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! Letting go of control and accepting risk is very liberating.