Jump to content

OCD episode this morning, feeling intense anxiety


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone. I struggle with both chronic pain and OCD. I currently attend a therapy group once a week. I had a really severe OCD episode this morning in relation to this.

I decided at 9am that I would not go to my therapy session session because it was snowing and I didn't know if the weather would get worse, as well as the fact that I started some new medication for my pain yesterday and am experiencing some side effects today - I feel quite sick and drowsy. However, at 10am my OCD took over - I felt extremely guilty about not going in and felt like I absolutely had to. So I gave into the compulsion and booked a taxi to go in. However, in the taxi I felt quite sick and didn't want to arrive to the group and be sick during the session (also, I have some OCD-related fears about catching a virus/bug and being even more ill than I am currently, and I didn't want to go in when I wasn't originally planning to and end up catching a bug).

So I asked the taxi driver to turn around and take me home, pretending that I had received a text that the session had been cancelled. I can't believe I did that and am sitting here now wishing I had just gone. I'm worrying "what if the taxi driver crashes his car now after he drives away from the place where I live, all because I caused him to make an unnecessary journey?" I also feel guilty about wasting £10 on the journey and lying about the reason I wanted to go home. I also lied to my dad when I got in about the reason for coming back and said the session had been cancelled, to avoid telling him that it was OCD. I have been crying about it for an hour or so and it feels like the anxiety will never go. I feel like I've done something really bad and this also worries me because it means my OCD is out of control again after I was doing so well a year ago to control it. This is all amplified by my chronic pain. I'm not sure what I can do to stop this kind of thing happening, because my OCD seems to be becoming more and more severe again (it seems to have gotten worse as my pain has got worse).

Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope it makes sense. 

Edited by Monarch23
Link to comment

It does make sense and I'm sorry that you're struggling so much. 

It's clear that you health problems are exacerbating your OCD but it is possible that with the help of a therapist your chronic pain can be brought in to your OCD formulation. This is just a description of how your OCD maintains itself (the vicious flower). Are you able to get referred to a therapist, are you in the UK? 

The way to overcome OCD is CBT preferably with a therapist. People with OCD worry about risks and do compulsions in response but they never find out that actually nothing bad happens when they don't do their compulsions. This part is made difficult because you've made a connection between Sertraline and your stomach problems, believing that had you made a different decision, you wouldn't have these issues. (This will have increased feelings of responsibility and made you feel you need to be more cautious). In therapy you would leatn this is just one interpretation of events and it's important to be open to new ways of looking at things, a therapist will help you with these, which in turn will help you to see that you are not responsible for making sure nothing bad happens, sometimes they just do. 

Also, have you read Break free from OCD? It will help you to create a vicious flower and take you through methods used in CBT.

Link to comment

I can identify with two of your themes worrying about the opinion of others if they believe that actions are a result of OCD and restricting travel because of weather. When my checking was at its worst I remember travelling to the train station by taxi and then taking another taxi back to the property again to check. In the return journey I told the driver that I had forgotten something. This is just one example of how peak OCD nearly bankrupted me. 

There is no need to feel guilty about spending  £10 but it is a sign that OCD can be expensive. Your taxi driver made the decision to drive today and engaging in ‘what ifs’ and counterfactuals does not help. The what’s if in OCD are always negative. Who knows what the numerable other alternatives or counterfactuals might have occurred if taxi driver have not taken your fare.

Don’t know about not going to therapy because of the weather. It depends on the local circumstances. But eventually Spring will arrive  and you need to go to the sessions. The book recommended is a good one.

Link to comment

Thank you both for your replies. They are very helpful.

Gemma7, I had a course of CBT last year, which I found really useful. I will go back to the notes I made and read through everything again to refresh myself on the techniques. I think that because I am focusing so much on my physical health condition at the moment, those strategies have taken a backseat and the OCD has been able to creep up on me again. It can be quite difficult to establish the techniques again once you're 'down the hole' almost without realising. I will order the book you suggested which might help with that, thank you.

Angst, it's good to hear that someone else has had similar experiences in the past. Thanks for your advice.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...