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Yeah I’ve mentioned it to therapist not in total detail I will be seeing him next week. Also family and they aren’t bothered and say I did what I did because of my ocd. I didn’t have control of it then almost as if I was under a spell. I think they are just saying it to pacify me. If I asked a member of public I think they would say different. 

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The only person's opinion on the matter that makes a difference is yours. And yours can change.

I went through similar with my sons. Bath time was terrible. Having to wash their genitals was nerve wracking. But i got past that.

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Polar bear please! Tell me how you did it? I can only wash him with little washing sponge , not bare hand. And when I massage him or wash everything feels sexual:( I ve been working so so hard. And now doing exposures by myself as well , and really staying focus, but to touch his genitals - is something I cannot imagine. What is your advice? This baby is my everything and sometimes I am afraid to hug him:( 

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Unfortunately I didn't overcome OCD until my kids were adults. So many lost moments...

You need ti do things differently. Not washing him by hand, not touching him, being careful how you touch him, are avoidance compulsions. You think you are doing them to protect him but what you are really doing is making your OCD worse. Every time you avoid you reinfirce in your mind the belief that something is wrong. That guarantees the thoughts will come back with a vengeance in the future.

You need to stop avoiding. And when you get those thoughts when you do touch him you have to just continue on and forge ahead.

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Luna blue. Are you having any therapy? I agree with polar bear. I was so bad I had to guard my genitals put things over so I wasn’t in direct contact. I couldn’t bath and go bear genitals. Nappy changes were absolutely horrendous. Even kissing. Please please get some help don’t do as I did. I was so frightened. No support back then. Not even internet. 

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First of all thank you! I feel your comments have great value to me and I think to many others here!

so just do it? Even if groisal arousal or whatever that is comes? Even if it feels like molesting, and you want to run away? I am just afraid that I am doing something wrong by touching his genitals by bear hand. Problem my mom never really hugged me or dad , so I don't know what is right, ok, good, for example my husband showers with the baby and it feels like torture. So sometimes I get confused as in what is the norm if you know what I mean. 

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2 minutes ago, Running Lover said:

 

Luna blue. Are you having any therapy? I agree with polar bear. I was so bad I had to guard my genitals put things over so I wasn’t in direct contact. I couldn’t bath and go bear genitals. Nappy changes were absolutely horrendous. Even kissing. Please please get some help don’t do as I did. I was so frightened. No support back then. Not even internet. 

 

Yes! I am having emdr since may last year and cbt since December. I also do the 4 steps on my own and take sertraline. I am doing everything everything in my power to be a good mom.to be natural. And it's the hardest thing in the world. This theme ocd started October 2016 when I was two month pregnant and still going on. But I am slowly making progress. So I feel hopeful! Also since 14 February I am sharing this on this forum . I was to ashamed to speak to anyone in real life.

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Yeah I totally get you. I was exactly the same. It’s uttetly hideous. I’m not 100% sure on how to tell you to deal with it as I did it all wrong at the time. Hence my ocd theme at the moment re wrongly carrying out the compulsions ( how could I be so stupid ) I detest myself for this. Please don’t go down my route. Please know you are not alone. I wish more people would have the guts to talk about it. People seem to not want to publish things about this form of it but for people like us it’s so much better to know we aren’t alone. I don’t know about you but I feel utterly alone. 

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