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A little bit confused


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Hi everyone,

I’m a little bit frustrated tonight. I know that this forum kind of frowns on reassurance seeking and I completely get why. I get that reassurance is just a way to alleviate the anxiety and there is no better way to deal with anxiety than letting the anxiety pass. BUT, I don’t know whether what I’m trying to let pass is something that I shouldn’t. To put a fine point to it. It’s bodily fluids and matter. Urine, faeces and to a lesser extent, mucus and spit. I have these bladder and gastric issues and it resultingly puts me on high alert whenever I use the bathroom. It also makes me fall into a mad panic whenever anything goes near my lap or bum. For example, I have a screen cloth which I used to wipe my tv. As I used it, I carried it past my lap and I think. Did it touch my lap? This itself makes me very uneasy and panic stricken. I don’t want to be self reassuring myself saying that it didn’t touch it didn’t touch because that’s not dealing with the anxiety. The mind can then trick you to telling you that your lap is wet when it might not be etc etc and honestly all I think is WHAT IF it did touch my genital area and I did get some urine on it. Then I think that I have urine all over my screen and I get very sad. Chances are that there wasn’t any but dealing with the eventuality that there might is hard to take. 

Same to an extent with going for a pooh. There is always the horrifying idea of wiping yourself and then pulling up your pants. Truth is everybody does and most people have zero or very little excrement on their hands when they do. It’s not a big deal. But just the thought of me spreading it on me and then elsewhere is traumatic. 

I honestly cannot get my head around these principles and need some guidance and/or discussion. 

Please help. 

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Well there is a reason why you are supposed to wash your hands after using the bathroom (loo). Outside of that, your mind is telling you a big lie about possible contamination from body fluids.

Oh sure, there is a remote possibility you might get a tiny amount of poop or pee on the outside of your clothes but so what? We all live with that unlikely possibility and we get along just fine. The lie is that your brain is telling you THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, A LIFE OR DEATH PROBLEM!!!!

It's not. It's no big deal. Recognize the lie and don't respond to it. Let it die from apathy.

Edited by PolarBear
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  • 1 year later...

Hi BigDave,

I am so glad to have found another OCD sufferer with similar obsessions to my own. Most of the bodily fluid contamination issues I read about are sufferers frightened of being infected themselves rather than fear of infecting others.

Good Luck,

ONeg.

Edited by O Neg
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On 15/03/2018 at 08:46, BigDave said:

I don’t want to be self reassuring myself saying that it didn’t touch it didn’t touch because that’s not dealing with the anxiety. The mind can then trick you to telling you that your lap is wet when it might not be etc etc and honestly all I think is WHAT IF it did touch my genital area and I did get some urine on it.

Hey @BigDave, its good insight here to recognize that simply trying to tell yourself "it didn't touch, it didn't touch" is not dealing with the anxiety.  So you are on the right track.  OCD demands that we eliminate all doubt, an impossibility.  Proper responses need to involve accepting doubt, accepting that you can't know 100% that the bad thing you fear is true.

Really though I think you need to confront two issues here.
The first is the idea that you can spread unwanted substances so easily.
The second is the idea that doing so is unacceptable.

As you admit non-sufferers don't really worry about EITHER situation beyond a generally reasonable level (and even then some people are tidier than others).

So how should you respond?  Well there are a variety of approaches, but they all boil down to accepting doubt, accepting you can't know FOR SURE that what you fear isn't true.  If it were me facing your issue I generally respond by invoking "probably".  "Ok, I have a headache, but its PROBABLY not a brain tumor so I'm not going to let OCD run with that thought".  I don't have to know for sure (even though OCD wants me to).  I let "probably" or even "maybe" be enough.  I still feel anxiety, I still might have the fear, but I work on not ruminating, not responding, acting as if the thing isn't a threat.  

Additionally you should also work on gradually increasing your exposures and behavior (ERP!) as you work through these situations.  The first step is to use the screen cloth even when you think it MIGHT have touched your lap.  Next would be to intentionally place it near your lap and use it.  Finally you would intentionally place it on your lap and use it.  You don't have to do that overnight, if you have a therapist you can work up a schedule with them or work on one yourself.  But you want to get to the point where you can do these things that you dread without much problem.  At least getting to the point where you can just go about your day with little to no daily problems should be your goal.  You don't have to become a complete slob, you can still be tidier than average in the end, but you might have to push yourself more than a normal person might to get there.
 

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