Embarrassed

[lily17]

I was walking down the street with my mum and I noticed her butt and thought it looked good (horrible) then I noticed my thighs were touching because I'm fat and I was like oh no it's not for those reasons (sexual reasons, it's what I say as a compulsion) and kept walking, feeling anxious... then it happened again and I squeezed my thighs looking at her butt so so SHAMEFUL I did this again and again and then it felt like I was doing it because I fancy her... next I was with tears in my eyes thinking that it's just my mum and I'm not attracted to her but I feel so guilty and embarrassed. 

[lily17]

The sensation felt good because it feels good in itself, not because I fancy her at all..... I want to cry because my OCD made me think I was doing it because I like her

[lily17]

I really feel the need to confess these actions to my mum oh God 

[Skullpops]

Lily, 

You know the drill here, what you've done above is a compulsion and confessing to your Mum would also be a compulsion. To break the OCD cycle you must break the compulsions, I know it's not easy, truly I know. Put all your energy into distracting yourself instead of into performing compulsions. You can do this Lily. 

[lily17]

20 minutes ago, Skullpops said:

Lily, 

You know the drill here, what you've done above is a compulsion and confessing to your Mum would also be a compulsion. To break the OCD cycle you must break the compulsions, I know it's not easy, truly I know. Put all your energy into distracting yourself instead of into performing compulsions. You can do this Lily. 

I'm afraid it's too late now because I already told her  anyway thank you so much Skullpops!

[kirby42]

Hi Lily! Have you tried mindfulness meditation? There's some good apps out there to get you started. It's good for helping you realise that thoughts aren't the problem, your reaction to them is.

[Hal]

4 hours ago, lily17 said:

I'm afraid it's too late now because I already told her  anyway thank you so much Skullpops!

It's a shame Skullpop's advice came too late Lily to help you this time, but it's really important you take the advice on board you've been given here and on previous threads when you experience these thoughts again.

I know it's difficult when the anxiety and doubts/thoughts strike, but try to pause for a second and remind yourself of the tips given here....really give yourself a fighting chance to put it into practise and I think you'll be surprised at how much better you'll begin to feel.

[Skullpops]

11 hours ago, lily17 said:

I'm afraid it's too late now because I already told her  anyway thank you so much Skullpops!

You're welcome Lily. Too late for that particular compulsion, yes, but not too late in general. Put what you know into practice next time the compulsions come knocking. 

[lily17]

13 hours ago, kirby42 said:

Hi Lily! Have you tried mindfulness meditation? There's some good apps out there to get you started. It's good for helping you realise that thoughts aren't the problem, your reaction to them is.

I'm going to start mindfulness with a retired psychologist who doesn't charge me (he's a friend of my grandma) so let's see if it works

[lily17]

12 hours ago, Hal said:

It's a shame Skullpop's advice came too late Lily to help you this time, but it's really important you take the advice on board you've been given here and on previous threads when you experience these thoughts again.

I know it's difficult when the anxiety and doubts/thoughts strike, but try to pause for a second and remind yourself of the tips given here....really give yourself a fighting chance to put it into practise and I think you'll be surprised at how much better you'll begin to feel.

Thank you so much! 

[lily17]

5 hours ago, Skullpops said:

You're welcome Lily. Too late for that particular compulsion, yes, but not too late in general. Put what you know into practice next time the compulsions come knocking. 

Thank you so much Skullpops, really! 

[Skullpops]

1 hour ago, lily17 said:

Thank you so much Skullpops, really! 

Most welcome, Lily. 

[lily17]

My little sister was skipping rope and she was wearing these pants that her bum is noticeable so I was like don't look don't look and I was getting very tense, having a groinal response and licking my lips. Then I licked my lips while looking at her bum over and over again. I feel so terrible because I thought 'let's do it as if I liked it like playing a role' and I tested myself doing that, licking my lips looking at her bum so many times until I felt miserable... there's something I don't recall and it's killing me I have to remember I HAVE TO REMEMBER it's nothing sexual I did nothing sexual but I have to remember should I just let it go? 

[lily17]

I've remembered... it was just the getting tense thingy I've described above but I licked my lips oh my

Edited March 27, 2018 by lily17

[Hal]

Hi Lily,

This is the moment to put those boxing gloves on  and show the OCD what you're made of. I know it's very difficult, but you've got to work a bit harder at resisting the urge to write these details here, next time, as we said on Sunday,  remember to pause...get the measure of what's going-on and decide how best to respond to these thoughts knowing what you know about how OCD works.

28 minutes ago, lily17 said:

....should I just let it go? 

You see you know exactly what to doremember these are intrusive thoughts, they're really not important.....it helps me to think of them as brain spam.

So, what's the plan of campaign for this next couple of hours? What sort of things can you do to help you refocus?

[lily17]

13 minutes ago, Hal said:

Hi Lily,

This is the moment to put those boxing gloves on  and show the OCD what you're made of. I know it's very difficult, but you've got to work a bit harder at resisting the urge to write these details here, next time, as we said on Sunday,  remember to pause...get the measure of what's going-on and decide how best to respond to these thoughts knowing what you know about how OCD works.

You see you know exactly what to doremember these are intrusive thoughts, they're really not important.....it helps me to think of them as brain spam.

So, what's the plan of campaign for this next couple of hours? What sort of things can you do to help you refocus?

I'm going to my friend's house and I'll spend the night there so it should be a really good way to refocus thank you Hal! 

[Hal]

That sound like a great way to refocus, have a great time

[lily17]

13 minutes ago, Hal said:

That sound like a great way to refocus, have a great time

Thank you so much

[PhilM]

Same sort of theme though Lily isn't it to be honest? You're getting responses which are giving you some reassurance from kind people but were is it going to end?