I think this may be a compulsion?

[californiadreaming]

Hi all, I recently took note of some behavior that I'm doing and I am not sure if it's a compulsion or not. 

One of my major compulsions is checking things. I am obsessed with worrying about cheating on my boyfriend, so I'll check location history, text history, etc etc. until I'm blue in the face. Never finding anything, of course, which only fuels the fire for more checking "just in case." I'll compare time stamps and see if I remember those days, etc. It's maddening.

Well, I recently started deleting everything so I can no longer check them. It gives me relief for a little, but then I find other things I need to delete. By definition, this seems like a compulsion. Thoughts?

[mdlbrightchild]

A compulsion is simply something you do repeatedly to relieve anxiety. It's pretty obvious that's what you are doing. You are also practicing avoidance by deleting things before you can see them. 

It's simple, if you are doing it to get relief from anxiety it's a compulsion. You need to sit with the anxiety until it dissipates on it's own, naturally.

[californiadreaming]

So, would I just look at these things before I delete them to know the truth? I guess that's where I get nervous - finding out the "truth" about myself. 

[californiadreaming]

For example, I'm afraid of cheating - do I just go ahead and face the fear and read old text messages or just delete them? I guess that's where I am a little confused treatment-wise :/

[PolarBear]

Don't check them. Period.

[californiadreaming]

1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

Don't check them. Period.

I struggle with this a lot. Isn't that avoidance if there is, in fact, something there?

[mdlbrightchild]

Not in this case, because your compulsion is to check them, deleting them is kind of the workaround you've seemed to develop to avoid the anxiety.

This is where OCD can get sneaky, you have to recognize what has become a compulsion for you. This is anything that you are doing to ease your anxiety. On the surface, deleting the texts so you couldn't read them might seem smart, if they aren't there then you can't continue your compulsion - but in essence you've taken away your participation in the exposure, if the text isn't there then you don't have to worry about it, you are avoiding.

So as PolarBear said, keep the texts where they are, in your reach, where your OCD desperately wants you to check them, and ignore them. Whenever you get the desire to check them, it's so easy right, I mean they are right there, put it off for 5 mins. Then after 5 mins put it off for 10, then 20, and so on. Don't try to ease your anxiety in the meantime, let it be there and push through it while going about your business.

It will be uncomfortable, but eventually the anxiety will ease. And the desire to perform checking compulsions will become less intense every time they arise if you do this.

Edited April 3, 2018 by mdlbrightchild

[californiadreaming]

11 minutes ago, mdlbrightchild said:

Not in this case, because your compulsion is to check them, deleting them is kind of the workaround you've seemed to develop to avoid the anxiety.

This is where OCD can get sneaky, you have to recognize what has become a compulsion for you. This is anything that you are doing to ease your anxiety. On the surface, deleting the texts so you couldn't read them might seem smart, if they aren't there then you can't continue your compulsion - but in essence you've taken away your participation in the exposure, if the text isn't there then you don't have to worry about it, you are avoiding.

So as PolarBear said, keep the texts where they are, in your reach, where your OCD desperately wants you to check them, and ignore them. Whenever you get the desire to check them, it's so easy right, I mean they are right there, put it off for 5 mins. Then after 5 mins put it off for 10, then 20, and so on. Don't try to ease your anxiety in the meantime, let it be there and push through it while going about your business.

It will be uncomfortable, but eventually the anxiety will ease. And the desire to perform checking compulsions will become less intense every time they arise if you do this.

Thanks so much, this was a really helpful perspective. 

[paradoxer]

Great post there from mdlbrightchild.