Here for some help/advice..

[LEW1991]

Hello all!

This is my first post on the forum.. thanks in advance to anyone who can offer any advice or help.

I'm not 100% sure how to describe exactly what I'm experiencing at the moment. Not really sure if it's OCD or anxiety, or a mixture of the 2 (or something else, even).

Guess I should probably start with my somewhat of a backstory so you get the gist of what I'm trying to describe.

From the start... as a kid I had a nervous/excessive blinking problem. I do have issues with my eyes, so that may have contributed to that, although my eye condition only really came on in later life, so perhaps not. Luckily I got past that as I got in to my teens (I'm now 27), so that's not affected me for years. Nothing else really to mention from my childhood - I was a relatively 'normal' kid, for want of a better word.

In more recent years, I have been struggling with tremors. To the point where exercises which were once very simple and basic, such as writing for example, have become a challenge. Which isn't ideal, as I work in an office. It's also quite embarrassing. I try to make light of it when someone mentions it ("bloody hell, Lew, you're a bit shaky) and just try to move on to something else ASAP. Even stupid trivial things like playing pool, or carry drinks from a bar, tends to draw a comment about how shaky I look.. quite annoying, really, but not the end of the world.

I used to play guitar in bands too, and the shakes were always a pain in the **** in the studio or at gigs.. did used to detract from my performance at times. Though I don't do much of that any more, so it's not too relevant.

I've also started to notice that I can have these weird mood swings. I can literally go from being happy and joking, to being annoyed/angry/easily agitated in mere seconds. Then I can sometimes swing back the other way, or stay annoyed for the rest of the day, over pretty much nothing. Nothing even has to trigger it, it's just like a switch in my head.

I like to think of myself as a fairly easy going person too, so it can be quite out-of-character for me to suddenly sink in to some weird mood when I was completely fine a minute ago.

Some days I just want to completely shut myself away too, not speak to anybody or be around people at all, which again, I never used to experience. It's quite detrimental to potential relationships, 'cos I get to the point where I just don't want to speak to anyone, then I appear ignorant and, at times, completely disinterested, which isn't the case. But it's hard to explain. I know I want to get know people and speak to them, but there's something about the way I currently am which just puts a barrier up.. like I'm happy shut off in my own little world, which I'm not, 'cos it can be lonely as (insert naughty word) and I'd much rather have someone around.

I did visit my GP about the tremors. They basically just said my heart rate was a tad quicker than most people's and prescribed me some beta blockers to slow the pace down slightly. These never really worked and made me feel a bit crappy when I took them, so I knocked them on the head.

In more recent weeks, I've been having this weird issue with my breathing. It's like, at times, it goes from being what should be a sub-conscious thing, to something that's on my mind, and it becomes a manual thing, where I'm sort of trying to take over how I breathe because I don't trust that I'm getting enough oxygen. In more extreme cases, it's literally felt like I'm struggling to breathe, then I start panicking, which increases the heart rate, thus increasing the tremors etc.. bit of a nasty cycle. I've got more of a grasp on it recently, but at night is the worst time. Because there's literally nothing else going on, it's always on my mind, so it's hard to nod off and it's really affecting my sleep, which then affects my mood the next day. I've tried putting a bit of music on or a podcast whilst in bed to try and take my mind off it, but then I find myself listening too much to whatever's playing, which again affects my ability to get to sleep.

The only thing that seems to magically cure all is alcohol (not a great solution, I know). If I'm a bit tuned in, the shakes go, the mood swings go, there's no thinking about my breathing, I can sleep normal, everything's 'fine'... but then if I drink, I feel it the next day, and everything I have mentioned above is even more exaggerated than usual the day after, so it's a catch-22 really.

Basically, I don't even know what I'm describing. Just wondering if anyone can relate to what I'm saying? Anybody else have similar problems? Should I be looking in to CBT, or is there any other methods that anyone could recommend to try and counter what I'm describing?

I'm writing all this fairly quickly in work, so I may have missed something out too. If I have, I'll add another post underneath.

Just wanted to get this off my chest and speak to people who might be able to offer some good advice. Sorry if I've bored the life out of you with my mammoth post!

Cheers,

Lew

[LEW1991]

Sorry to double post, but thought I'd just mention that the tremors and other issues that I've mentioned did seem to be more apparent after I started having to have some major operations on my eyes (around 30-36 months ago).

Since the first major op, I've been through numerous others (some major, some smaller) which has been somewhat of a stressful experience every time.

I also have to deal with potential high eye pressure as a result on a daily basis, so this is always in the back of my mind.

Thought I'd add that in as it may be a small/large factor in all of this.

Lew

[mdlbrightchild]

Hi there!

Welcome to the forum, I've read through what you posted a couple times to get as much of an understanding as I can about what you are experiencing.

OCD is somewhat specific diagnosis requiring that the sufferer experience anxiety and also perform rituals to relieve that anxiety. This has to take up a lot of time and cause a disruption in the persons life in order to qualify as a disorder. Sometimes it's hard for people to recognize that they are performing compulsions or rituals in order to relieve their anxiety, they can be subtle and insidious and often all in the mind.

There is a form of OCD where the person is "hyper-aware" of minor bodily functions such as breathing, blinking, etc. I'm not as familiar with this type but if you do have OCD it would seem to most closely relate to this form. 

I found an article about this form that may help you figure out if it applies to you, and if it feels like you may have OCD or not.

http://www.psychologyandbehavior.com/treatment-body-focused-obsessions-ocd/

If this doesn't feel like what you are experiencing, it could be possible something else is going on, anything from minor depression or even nervous anxiety related to your surgery or your physical symptoms. 

I hope that helps, feel free to ask any more questions if it was confusing or unhelpful. 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi Lew,

Welcome to the forum.

I have to say from reading your post it doesn't immediately strike me as being like OCD (perhaps generalised anxiety though) - except the part where you have become hyper-focused on your breathing, which is similar to something I've had before, and you can become fixated on bodily functions such as blinking, breathing and so on (often referred to as sensorimotor OCD). It does sound like you experience a lot of anxiety though and that might explain why you want to feel shut away from everyone (even if logically you don't want to be).  I feel like that too when I am very anxious.

The part about the tremors I can't really comment on as I'm certainly not an expert, but could it be anxiety related especially as it decreases when you've had alcohol?  May seem an obvious question but do you drink a lot of caffeine? I get shaky and tremory etc. when I drink too much coffee.

Sorry I can't be more helpful but it sounds like a trip to your GP could be a good idea to talk about all these issues (if you haven't already) because regardless of what label you give it, you are obviously experiencing distress at the moment and could do with some help.

Take care. x