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Not reassurance just genuinely worried now.


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My little girl comes into my bed during the night some times and she always has a habit of pulling my hand and wrapping it around her or sometimes she wraps her whole body around my arm and lays on it if that makes sense? I woke up this morning though and my hand was on her nappy, now I’ve got this constant worry that I’ve hurt her in my sleep as technically that is evidence there that I could have. I’m worrying as she gets older too as what if I did something in my sleep when she’s bigger and doesn’t wear a nappy but pants if that makes sense.

Is there anything I can do just to make sure I’m not hurting her, like going to a sleep specialist, recording it etc?

I wouldn’t worry as much if it was my partner etc as I know they could tell me, but I’m so scared that I could of done something to her because of this, I just feel like I’m not enjoying being a mum at all anymore and now I feel a danger to her. 

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22 minutes ago, paradoxer said:

If this isn't OCD related (a crafty shot at angling for reassurance), why ask it on an OCD forum? 

I thibk I am worried because of the intrusive thoughts and urges, that I am going to do something whilst asleep and not knowing, not out of wanting to but out of doing it without knowing if that makes sense? 

I know my therapist said you can’t do things in your sleep but how can anyone actually be sure if they are asleep. 

I just don’t want to do something in my sleep and end up hurting her, I’d be distraught forever :/ 

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4 hours ago, Bee2017 said:

I know my therapist said you can’t do things in your sleep but how can anyone actually be sure if they are asleep. 

Don't you see what you are doing? You somehow got your therapist to reassure you that you can't "do things" in your sleep, but the reassurance didn't last so now you are looking for it here. If this isn't a compulsion than nothing is. You have to learn to recognize what you are doing or you are never going to get the upper hand. You can't "be sure", and you have to accept that. You can be reasonably sure, but never 100%. And you CAN be okay with that, you just need to work for it. Are you okay with uncertainty in other parts of your life? I bet you are. 

Do you want to continue life like this? My obsessions involve my children as well, and I got to the point where I was angry. I lost so many things to OCD that I will never get back. My pregnancies were miserable, the first years of my children lives were filled with constant fear and I did so many things because OCD told me I had to that I now have to live with regret over. Is that what you want? Stop this now before she gets older and you lose more moments you can't get back to OCD. Get angry. This isn't you, take back your life.

Edited by mdlbrightchild
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4 hours ago, mdlbrightchild said:

Don't you see what you are doing? You somehow got your therapist to reassure you that you can't "do things" in your sleep, but the reassurance didn't last so now you are looking for it here. If this isn't a compulsion than nothing is. You have to learn to recognize what you are doing or you are never going to get the upper hand. You can't "be sure", and you have to accept that. You can be reasonably sure, but never 100%. And you CAN be okay with that, you just need to work for it. Are you okay with uncertainty in other parts of your life? I bet you are. 

Do you want to continue life like this? My obsessions involve my children as well, and I got to the point where I was angry. I lost so many things to OCD that I will never get back. My pregnancies were miserable, the first years of my children lives were filled with constant fear and I did so many things because OCD told me I had to that I now have to live with regret over. Is that what you want? Stop this now before she gets older and you lose more moments you can't get back to OCD. Get angry. This isn't you, take back your life.

I know what you mean I hate this feeling, I haven’t been able to enjoy motherhood since my little one was born a year and a half ago. I’m coping with the intrusive thoughts & urged during the day but once asleep I have this constant fear I’m going to abuse her when I am asleep. It doesn’t help that I found my hand on her nappy, that just makes it a million times more difficult x 

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Seems to me that your ocd is finding another angle as its looking to get into the time where you cant be sure even more than awake. My friend once told me i police my dreams and i do, but i am tryimg not to so i get the whole guilt even where not awake if that helps at all. Try not to worry about the future or the past and remember that despite all this you are there. Some parents are not there or worse there and dreadful. Takes bravery to still cuddle so well done you. Ive been there with my two and really, it can get better, the thoughts slow the more you say stuff it. 

Enjoy as much as you can and take those horrible thoughts and let them roll over you. Ive just had to check my 9yr olds bum after she bumped down stairs on it and i had the classic oh no that looks like a sexy woman thought and nearly barfed but its lies. The thought is real but its a flippin ruse.

 

Take care and cuddle that little baby even if you are crying eyes out. Breath the baby smell and be proud of yourself. X

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On 4/9/2018 at 06:33, mdlbrightchild said:

Don't you see what you are doing? You somehow got your therapist to reassure you that you can't "do things" in your sleep, but the reassurance didn't last so now you are looking for it here. If this isn't a compulsion than nothing is. You have to learn to recognize what you are doing or you are never going to get the upper hand. You can't "be sure", and you have to accept that. You can be reasonably sure, but never 100%. And you CAN be okay with that, you just need to work for it. Are you okay with uncertainty in other parts of your life? I bet you are. 

Do you want to continue life like this? My obsessions involve my children as well, and I got to the point where I was angry. I lost so many things to OCD that I will never get back. My pregnancies were miserable, the first years of my children lives were filled with constant fear and I did so many things because OCD told me I had to that I now have to live with regret over. Is that what you want? Stop this now before she gets older and you lose more moments you can't get back to OCD. Get angry. This isn't you, take back your life.

Great post, and I think spot on about the therapist. The brain will always search for exceptions. The therapeutic response? Concede the possibility (no matter how infinitesimal it might be), and carry on. OCD thrives on a desperate search for certainty.    

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hiya, so sorry for the late reply! My memory is terrible since having a baby! 

 

No I definitely get what you mean, speaking to my therapist and having her reassure me did help I won't lie. I think it's because it's such a horrible thought, I panic of the thought that I could abuse her in my sleep and not even know. If it had been about hurting my partner it wouldn't be as tough if that makes sense as I would know he could protect himself or tell me if I had done something, but knowing how vulnerable she is and not being able to actually tell me makes it so difficult. It's affecting my bond with her and I honestly just don't enjoy motherhood like I thought I would of been able too, which then makes me feel even worse as I feel like a rubbish mum.

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