Determined to beat my Contamination OCD

[Walter White]

Hello all, and Greetings from Argentina. I’m a male, 26 years old and I’m new to the forum, and I have to say, I’m glad a platform like this one exists for those who need it, like myself. This will be a long post. I joined because I suffer what I consider a severe case of OCD, which started a few years ago and as usual became worse over time. Now it affects my everyday life, my performance at work, my spare time, my hobbies, and what’s worst of all, my relationships. I look around my life now and there is almost no piece of it that has not been affected by my OCD, and I feel exhausted.

Let me explain myself. I am not diagnosed (yet) but I suffer contamination OCD. By contamination, I mean chemical contamination (battery acid and sulfation, bleach, pool chlorine, insect spray and repellent, hair dye, nail polish remover, all chemicals I can think of), “particles” contamination (dust, sand, rust, metal shavings, broken glass, etc.) and lots of common household and office items, like inks. Stepping outside my house is most times a traumatic experience. I want to give you some examples:

I am an engineer and I work in an environment where grease, oil, metal shavings and rust are a common thing, so this has become a nightmare for me. I have all kinds of rituals for the clothes I wear to work, never mix them with my regular clothes in any situation, for example. Never touch any of my belongings when I return from work before a long, de-contaminating shower. I don’t take anything to work other than my keys, which I wash when I return.

Last week I had to inspect a metal part and used gel paint remover, which is a very powerful chemical. I take all precautions, always wear gloves and eye protection, but it is never enough. Then my head says, “you probably got some in your clothes, and then sat down in the car!”I am currently just using my car to go to work and back, because I think it is contaminated and if I get in with clean non-work clothes everything will be contaminated.

I avoid most areas in my house because I consider they are a hazard, for example the laundry room and the room where I store my work clothes.I am constantly aware of “hazardous” surfaces, such as rusty metals, and even if I am far from those surfaces something in my head tells me I touched them, even though deep inside I know I didn’t.Every time I go out I watch out for sand, broken glass, all kinds of particles in the street. And when I return most of my clothes go to the washing machine and I have to take a shower to feel calm.

The most common everyday things like using a simple Pen makes me feel insecure. I feel I have stained my hands with ink and it will spread everywhere.

For example, if I come back home from work and bring metal shavings with me, and I don’t shower and touch my phone for example, it will get scratched, damaged, ruined. And the shavings will spread from my phone to my computer as I touch it, then to my tablet, and it never ends. The same for chemicals, sand, glass. If a glass or plate breaks in my house, I will not be comfortable in that room for a long time.

I regularly clean my phone with a wet cloth (even knowing that this is worse than any “contamination” it may have!).

My fear is, all those contaminants will spread endlessly and damage my belongings. I know it sounds weird, but I’m not really concerned about health issues, poisoning, or anything like that.

Photography is my hobbie. I have some nice gear and I haven’t used it in a long time because I fear it will damage it and it will lose its pristine condition. The same for lots of my possessions, I love technology and when I buy something new I end up not using it and storing it safely. 

Well, that is a quick summary of what I’m going through right now. I feel like I'm wasting the best years of my life, I am young and have a lot to be happy about but instead I am in huge pain, and the only ones who really know it are my closest ones, especially my girlfriend who supports me inmensely. My friends and coworkers probably do not have a clue about my suffering.I will probably be posting more experiences later on. I would love to hear similar experiences and know from people who could overcome this kind of OCD. And also, I would love some recommendations on the type of therapy I should get. I had about 12 psychoanalysis sessions last year and even though I know that’s not a lot, they weren’t any good for me.

Thank you all for reading, and sorry for my extremely long post. Also sorry for my English.

Mr. White

[PolarBear]

Your English is perfect. Welcome to the forum.

The type of therapy you took was never going to help you with OCD. What you need is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT. It is the gold standard treatment for OCD.

CBT teaches you to think differently about your thoughts and to behave differently.

All the rituals you go through, that you think are protecting your belongings, are actually keeping you stuck and making your situation worse. They are compulsions. Every time you do one, you confirm in your head that there was a problem to begin with when there really wasn't. 

It's all a big lie. The risk from all the contaminants you fear is incredibly small. So small that no preventative or cleaning measures are required.

I encourage you to see if you can find a CBT therapist with experience helping OCD sufferers.

[paradoxer]

Great name BTW the way ... Heisenberg! Yes, 'regular' therapy for say, depression, low self-esteem etc is useless and often damaging for someone seeking help for the ravages of OCD (I'm sure you're only too aware of the irrationality of your fears). Try to find someone with experience in dealing with OCD - CBT (for OCD) combined with exercises using ERP.  

[Walter White]

On 11/4/2018 at 11:50, PolarBear said:

Your English is perfect. Welcome to the forum.

The type of therapy you took was never going to help you with OCD. What you need is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT. It is the gold standard treatment for OCD.

CBT teaches you to think differently about your thoughts and to behave differently.

All the rituals you go through, that you think are protecting your belongings, are actually keeping you stuck and making your situation worse. They are compulsions. Every time you do one, you confirm in your head that there was a problem to begin with when there really wasn't. 

It's all a big lie. The risk from all the contaminants you fear is incredibly small. So small that no preventative or cleaning measures are required.

I encourage you to see if you can find a CBT therapist with experience helping OCD sufferers.

Thank you very much, PolarBear. I am aware that all my rituals are just an illusion for my short-term well-being, and following my impulsions is what took me to the stage where I am right now. I wish I would have stopped this years ago, as now I'm a professional and a professor in University, I feel like I have lots of responsibilities and that this disorder is making me underperform. I keep saying that to myself, because I have worked really hard all my life to get where I am right now and I cannot let this obsessions destroy all my achievements. 

I am already in search of a CBT therapist, and focused on getting better ASAP. I want my life back. Thank you again, I read your contributions in other topics and you are extremely helpful for all of us in seek of encouragement. 

On 11/4/2018 at 18:10, paradoxer said:

Great name BTW the way ... Heisenberg! Yes, 'regular' therapy for say, depression, low self-esteem etc is useless and often damaging for someone seeking help for the ravages of OCD (I'm sure you're only too aware of the irrationality of your fears). Try to find someone with experience in dealing with OCD - CBT (for OCD) combined with exercises using ERP.  

Exactly, I am the one who knocks! Now all jokes aside, as I told PolarBear I am currently in search of a CBT experienced specialist and hoping to start my treatment soon. Thanks for your reply!

[Walter White]

Here goes an update. A few days ago I had an appointment with a psychiatrist, and I got my formal diagnose: of course, OCD. He prescribed me a small dose of Luvox (fluvoxamine) and agreed with me about CBT so I'm now looking for a competent therapist. I'm feeling better, fighting my compulsions and trying to stay positive. 

[GreyCat]

This is very good news

[taurean]

Excellent news Walter

OCD is indiscriminate, and targets anyone from a pauper to a sovereign. 

I had a good job in the City of London, but had to tackle OCD which amongst other things alleged the possibility of making mistakes, or causing harm. 

Whoever we are, wherever we are, whatever our personal circumstances, it acts in similar fashion. But that is actually helpful; once we know its way of working, we can challenge it and make the necessary behavioural changes. 

Good luck with getting therapy.

Roy 

 

 

Edited April 19, 2018 by taurean