Congratulations

[robbiec87]

I'd like to congratulate OCD for ruining my life.

I have lost the battle. The past few months I've lost my job, my identity, my sex drive and my will to live. 

Going through my latest 'theme' of OCD has finished me off. I've mentioned before in other topics about how this came about so I don't want to go over old ground. But I've gone through this before and it took me years to get over it and feel 'normal' again. This time though I'm 30 years old and I haven't got time to fix myself. I'm numb, I get headaches when I try to think 'normally' and I've just had enough. I sleep to get away from my thoughts. I'd love to feel back to my old self again.

I've tried it all. Therapy/CBT, different medication. None of it works. I have nowhere else to go.

Everyone is having getting married, having families whilst I can't even get aroused by the opposite sex anymore yet only a year or so ago a simple touch from my ex girlfriend would spark me into life. That seems so far away now.

I just wanted to rant. You don't have to reply but I needed an outlet to vent my frustrations.

 

 

[Wonderer]

Hi robbie, please don’t give up, you’re only 30! You have so much more life to live. I went through the same theme (not that the theme really matters) when I was 18, it struck me again at 23 and then again at 31, each time it took a long time to get over, I’m not long over the latest relapse and I am almost 34 now. Throughout all of these episodes I’ve come out the other side even though in the thick of it I thought I never would. I’ve made a promise to myself that I’ll never give up because at the end of the day, those good spells are worth living for and nothing it ever permanent. I hope u feel better soon xx

[bruces]

I feel the same it's taken everything from me,career,relationships,friends,confidence

i really don't know where I go from me at least you have youth on your side

[Isthisreality]

Man, you are beating yourself up so hard. Please don't do that. I know it sucks but you are only encouraging the OCD to keep doing its thing. See it for what it is, do not let it kidnap you and fooling you.

Are there something you enjoy to do? I mean shortterm? Try to not ruminate about past mistakes and all the time OCD have took from you. I can relate to being angry at OCD for taking up so much time, at the same time do the OCD in the moment seems to make sense. 

 

Take care

Edited April 21, 2018 by Isthisreality

[ecomum]

I have times when I feel like this. But it does pass, it will for you too. 

[Ashley]

3 hours ago, bruces said:

I feel the same it's taken everything from me,career,relationships,friends,confidence

i really don't know where I go from me at least you have youth on your side

It's only taken everything because you've let it. Age is irrelevant. You are very quick to post on these kind of negative threads Bruces, every single time you will post, but when challenged what you can do to change, you rarely reply or answer. You need to focus less on these types of threads and more on those posts where people ask you what you can do to change.

 

3 hours ago, robbiec87 said:

I've tried it all. Therapy/CBT, different medication. None of it works. I have nowhere else to go.

 

3 hours ago, robbiec87 said:

I just wanted to rant.

Rant all you like Robbie, but don't expect the rest of us to agree with you that OCD ruined your life. We can't change the past, and whilst OCD may have ruined some aspects of your life, it will only ruin your entire life if you let it.  We can't change the past, but we can ALL change our own futures.

As for nothing works, if I had a pound for every time someone told me therapy didn't work, I would be able to take on two new members of staff!   Let me ask you this question, a person buys 10 driving lessons, then fails to pass their test. Buys another 10 with the same driving instructor and fails again.  Would we say that driving lessons don't work for that person and they will never ever drive?   Of course not, we advise them to find a new instructor and try again, and if need be again and again.

We know that CBT works, but we also know that many CBT therapists are not always that skilled in treating OCD. So sometimes we have to fight to try CBT with a therapist that knows a bit about OCD, and that's where you are at.... but that wont work unless you change this attitude that you have nowhere to go. Therapy will only work if you go into with an open mind, you can be sceptical but you need to be open to it possibly working too.

Good luck whatever you try. 

 

[bruces]

My apologies I should have thought before I stole somebody's thread,sorry again Robbie 

[Ashley]

That's not the point Bruces, you're welcome to comment but the point I was making is what appears to be the focus of your posting/thinking. 

[bruces]

Rumination I think ash 

[robbiec87]

58 minutes ago, Ashley said:

It's only taken everything because you've let it. Age is irrelevant. You are very quick to post on these kind of negative threads Bruces, every single time you will post, but when challenged what you can do to change, you rarely reply or answer. You need to focus less on these types of threads and more on those posts where people ask you what you can do to change.

 

 

Rant all you like Robbie, but don't expect the rest of us to agree with you that OCD ruined your life. We can't change the past, and whilst OCD may have ruined some aspects of your life, it will only ruin your entire life if you let it.  We can't change the past, but we can ALL change our own futures.

As for nothing works, if I had a pound for every time someone told me therapy didn't work, I would be able to take on two new members of staff!   Let me ask you this question, a person buys 10 driving lessons, then fails to pass their test. Buys another 10 with the same driving instructor and fails again.  Would we say that driving lessons don't work for that person and they will never ever drive?   Of course not, we advise them to find a new instructor and try again, and if need be again and again.

We know that CBT works, but we also know that many CBT therapists are not always that skilled in treating OCD. So sometimes we have to fight to try CBT with a therapist that knows a bit about OCD, and that's where you are at.... but that wont work unless you change this attitude that you have nowhere to go. Therapy will only work if you go into with an open mind, you can be sceptical but you need to be open to it possibly working too.

Good luck whatever you try. 

 

I’m sick of suffering. I know in life you’re expected to suffer at times and you come out of it as a better person but this is constant. How long am I expected to last like this for? It could be years and I’m not prepared to slug it out for years again just to feel ‘normal’.

The numbness has just turned to apathy. 

The point is in my 20s, I had time. I recovered (kinda)

Now though, I don’t have time, by the time things get better (and that’s not a guarantee) I could be any age. All my mates settled down and there is me, the mess up of the group.

It’s terrifying. I don’t know if I can muster up the will to fight this again as I’m so numb to it all now.

 

 

[Ashley]

1 hour ago, robbiec87 said:

The point is in my 20s, I had time. I recovered (kinda)

You're ahead of me, I didn't start dealing with my OCD until well into my 30s. 

But, I don't think age or time matters. Belief and attitude remain most important in recovery, have those then you have a chance, regardless of age. 

[Atlantis]

1 hour ago, robbiec87 said:

I’m sick of suffering. I know in life you’re expected to suffer at times and you come out of it as a better person but this is constant. How long am I expected to last like this for? It could be years and I’m not prepared to slug it out for years again just to feel ‘normal’.

The numbness has just turned to apathy. 

The point is in my 20s, I had time. I recovered (kinda)

Now though, I don’t have time, by the time things get better (and that’s not a guarantee) I could be any age. All my mates settled down and there is me, the mess up of the group.

It’s terrifying. I don’t know if I can muster up the will to fight this again as I’m so numb to it all now.

 

 

Try being 42 and being the mess-up of the group, OCD has taken relationships, jobs, friends and quality of life BUT it's because I let it,  I am in control now because I've managed to see the wood for the trees and I've only done that by refusing to cave into the compulsion to ruminate. It's taken me years to finally realise that managing the puzzle of OCD is not to try and work it out in the first place. I still have bad days, course I do, but I ride the storm and come out wiser and stronger the other end.

[bruces]

I am 42 

[robbiec87]

4 hours ago, Atlantis said:

Try being 42 and being the mess-up of the group, OCD has taken relationships, jobs, friends and quality of life BUT it's because I let it,  I am in control now because I've managed to see the wood for the trees and I've only done that by refusing to cave into the compulsion to ruminate. It's taken me years to finally realise that managing the puzzle of OCD is not to try and work it out in the first place. I still have bad days, course I do, but I ride the storm and come out wiser and stronger the other end.

And what do you have? Marriage? Kids? 

[robbiec87]

Right I’ve come the conclusion that I’m destined to be a single, emotionalless, numbful dolt and just embrace the void for the next few years.

Obviously I’m due more suffering and I’m going to have to suck it up and enjoy it. 

The only way I have out of this, take what’s coming and see what comes out of it.

 

 

 

 

Edited April 21, 2018 by robbiec87

[Ashley]

Wow lot of self-pity. With an attitude like that you're right, you will. 

But, If that's not what you want to hear, and want someone to help you see things differently you won't go far wrong by reading Atlantis post above.

 

[bruces]

I know self pity is never a good thing but surely it's very common with our conditions? I think probably more so with mental issues as opposed to pysical 

[Ashley]

7 minutes ago, bruces said:

I know self pity is never a good thing but surely it's very common with our conditions? I think probably more so with mental issues as opposed to pysical 

Not really no, very few users post like this. I suspect you're wanting to believe that it's common as an excuse not to have to comit to changing your own negative view?

No point me sugar coating this thread, I don't think it will help either of you. 

[Spud2018]

I agree with @Ashley I know how desperate and down OCD can make you feel but there is not point in the self-pity, there were/ and are days when I don't feel like getting up and I feel sorry for myself! And I've already started to have setbacks my psychiatrist has told me going on my year abroad is a bad idea, I've stopped exercising, cried more than I can remember, argued with my boyfriend BUT slowly slowly, you have to build yourself up like I'm trying to do. Do the things that make you happy, today I felt like utter shyte  but i refused to have yet another unproductive lazy day so I went to the beach and just paddled and then came back and listened to Earth Wind and Fire on replay for an hour and had a little dance. I haven't done something like that for the longest of times and it really helped!!. Just do at least one thing a day that will make you smile as a way to build yourself up, I don't know what that might be for you, but everyone has something. I walk my dog every single day i'm home from uni, it just puts a smile on my face! Learn a language or jujitsu or anything!!! Hope this helps..

[Atlantis]

1 hour ago, robbiec87 said:

And what do you have? Marriage? Kids? 

No, just a vendetta against OCD and the will to get back up off the ropes. 

[Isthisreality]

7 minutes ago, Spud2018 said:

I agree with @Ashley I know how desperate and down OCD can make you feel but there is not point in the self-pity, there were/ and are days when I don't feel like getting up and I feel sorry for myself! And I've already started to have setbacks my psychiatrist has told me going on my year abroad is a bad idea, I've stopped exercising, cried more than I can remember, argued with my boyfriend BUT slowly slowly, you have to build yourself up like I'm trying to do. Do the things that make you happy, today I felt like utter shyte  but i refused to have yet another unproductive lazy day so I went to the beach and just paddled and then came back and listened to Earth Wind and Fire on replay for an hour and had a little dance. I haven't done something like that for the longest of times and it really helped!!. Just do at least one thing a day that will make you smile as a way to build yourself up, I don't know what that might be for you, but everyone has something. I walk my dog every single day i'm home from uni, it just puts a smile on my face! Learn a language or jujitsu or anything!!! Hope this helps..

Yes to this. 

Stop congratulating yourself, because you also know that this is just another attack from your OCD. And i would also like to say that i can relate to losing sex-drive due to the obnoxious thoughts which OCD throws at you. But you have to see it as another dirty trick from the OCD. And not remotely close to facts.

Edited April 22, 2018 by Isthisreality

[Spud2018]

I forgot to add, I have exams coming up this month, I've barley revised due to the fact that OCD has basically taken over my concentration and I was told to delay them etc, but no WAY am I going to let it beat me. Even though I haven't revised much I will still do my very best, you can't let these things take over your life so I'm sitting those exams.  Another thing, My mum had cancer 3 years ago thank god in remission now( routine  tests soon fingers crossed)  and not only was she back to work 3 months after having major surgery which was in no way a necessity, we tried to get her to rest, she now works for the charity dedicated to Bowel cancer on weekends just because she refuses to let the illness get the better of her. I know mental health is different but I'm just trying to say fight back!!!! don't waste your life away because of a blip.