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Hope so. I may just have to go back to this doctor and tell myself that I want to molest children, and all that stuff. I'm pretty close to "bottoming out," I guess (well, maybe not, I'm lucky to have a supportive family - otherwise I might be homeless or something). It's more like I'm just so tired of this eating up months and years of my life...I just want to be able to function normally. This sucks.

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I used to think that the phrase "reach the bottom" was a cliche but there is truth to it. There really is.

Edit: just learned that it is "reach rock bottom". Or well you could use both but..  I hope you find the motivation soon Ryukil so you can continue what you started. And actually end it. And i understand that you don't enjoy it. 

Edited by Isthisreality
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I sort of think there are different effective therapies for OCD. They all involve ERP, though. However, I don't have time to think about this really anymore. I just need to try something, whether that's setting up exposures for myself or going back to that therapist, or going to a different therapist.

I used to think it was alright to waste so much time on obsessions. Well, not alright, but when you're younger you think you have all the time in the world. It's finally starting to wear off, so that's good, I guess.

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I have harm OCD. 

What worked best for me cognitively, and in ERP, was the information I learned in CBT that with this theme OCD is targeting my true core values of care and love, and alleging the opposite - turning my true core values on their heads. 

I was told to remember, when troubled by intrusions, that this is what it is doing. The intrusive thoughts urges and feelings were flowing directly from the OCD core belief that I might lose control, might harm someone. 

And I was told to do remember this too when sitting with intrusions during my sessions of exposure and response prevention. 

This approach has worked really well for me. It attributed responsibility for the intrusive thoughts to the OCD, and I didn't feel therefore that they were in any way my responsibility. 

My true core values remain in place, and are representive of the real me, not the OCD 'd me. 

How am I doing now? 

Well, by working this CBT therapy - and adding for calming purposes meditation mindfulness and love kindness meditation, refusing to worry about anything and taking a small dose of Citalopram - which I believe helps me maintain a happy mood, positive thinking bias, and keep working that CBT - and by keeping a sensible structure to my week and keeping myself occupied (my wife and I are retired)  I am doing really well. 

Any intrusions that do creep in at all are just gently but firmly eased away. 

 

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The approach of thinking in exposure that I could act as per the OCD found no favour with me. 

It didn't actually feature as such as part of the approach used by the several different clinical psychologists from whom I have had CBT over the years, though it is a recognised practice. 

I think had it been given any prominent position in my own therapy, then I wouldn't have accepted it. 

What a favourite therapist, herself a recoveree from harm OCD, told me to think if an intrusion occurred was "Oh there's my silly obsession again". 

This is powerful - it tells me to view the obsession as silly, talk down to it. 

And it allows me to stop connecting with the obsession, and refocus away. Brilliant. 

Edited by taurean
typo
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