Another day another worry

[Running Lover]

Been doing so well. I’m not going in to detail just want advice. 

Woke up after nap with new memory of something re compulsions with pocd

recognized my ocd is trying to hurt me

Tried to not engage went out for run

its still there. It is craving my attention because it’s so serious. Therefore deserves my attention. 

Want to talk to family. Haven’t yet. 

Advice please. It’s the first time I haven’t jumped in but I’m close. 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Just now, Running Lover said:

 It’s the first time I haven’t jumped in but I’m close. 

Be strong and resist this temptation - distract yourself, do anything you need to do, but stay the course and it will be that little bit easier next time.  Don't jump in, just leave it alone, no matter how compelling it seems to "sort it out".

You're doing really well x

[Running Lover]

29 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Be strong and resist this temptation - distract yourself, do anything you need to do, but stay the course and it will be that little bit easier next time.  Don't jump in, just leave it alone, no matter how compelling it seems to "sort it out".

You're doing really well x

Now I’m laying in bed away from family carrying out checking compulsions I still haven’t asked them. If I don’t carry out the checking compulsions I can’t gage how bad the thing I did was. 

[InOverMyHead]

It will sit and crave your attention that’s what it does, try not to cave! You’ll only feel better for a second, do something active that involves something xxx

[Running Lover]

IVe still not fully engaged but it’s almost unbearable I’ve engaged for 30 odd years. I really think it deserves thought and repentance 

[InOverMyHead]

Try and not engage in the compulsions for short period at a time instead of constantly even if it’s just for 2 or 5 minutes at first xxx

[Running Lover]

I’ve just done a 15 min meditation. Still there. Feel very weepy and hopeless. Why why why. I’m trying everything they tell me. I’ve remortgaged my house to pay for therapy. I’m trying to educate myself. Eat healthy etc etc nothing. 

[InOverMyHead]

Do you live here in the UK? I know it takes a long time to get better but it does, you just have to keep using the techniques you’ve been given day in day out, what techniques do you currently have? Xx

[Running Lover]

Yes I live in uk with very little access to any decent health care hence going private travelling almost 2 hours to the hospital. We’ve mainly been working on the thoughts once I’ve fully engaged but I’m tryong my best not to go in to full engagement with this one as I belueve that’s what I’m supposed to do. I’m finging it near on impossible 

[InOverMyHead]

Sorry to hear that  can’t you complain to your local MP? That seems very unfair! I don’t understand working on thoughts your suppose to fully engage but your trying not to? Or do you mean your not suppose to engage in the thoughts? Xx

[snowbear]

2 hours ago, Running Lover said:

It is craving my attention because it’s so serious. Therefore deserves my attention. 

 I really think it deserves thought and repentance 

Hi Running Lover,

I think these phrases are key to the difficulty you have with not engaging. They concern the meaning you put on your thoughts. 

First you decided that because your thoughts are about a serious subject that means they warrant attention. But this isn't true. Thoughts are just thoughts, no matter what they are about. Flippant thoughts feel easier to dismiss, but all thoughts are meaningless until you decide what you want them to mean.

In choosing to give them attention you told yourself they were important. They weren't important to begin with until you gave them that meaning. Now they feel important it makes them harder to dismiss as just thoughts. But you are free to change your choice, to accept all thoughts are just airy fairy things with no substance regardless of what topic they're about. 

When you decided that repentance was due that was also putting meaning on your thoughts. You judged the subject matter as bad and since bad things need punishment and repentance you decided that means the thoughts also warrant reflection (rumination) and repentance. 

But they are just thoughts. Still just airy fairy things floating through your head with no meaning and no importance until and unless you give them meaning. 

If you decided having this unpleasant thought means 'That is something I would never do' then you'd judge that your values were intact and not be tempted to think any more about it. Same thought, different outcome. 

The meaning we give our thoughts is what triggers the OCD cycle of obsessing and doing compulsions, not what the thought is about or whether it is 'bad'. 

Have a look at the meaning you're giving the thoughts when they occur. By changing the meaning you give them you may find you're able to more easily resist the urge to engage with them.

 

[paradoxer]

7 hours ago, Running Lover said:

Been doing so well. I’m not going in to detail just want advice. 

Woke up after nap with new memory of something re compulsions with pocd

recognized my ocd is trying to hurt me

Tried to not engage went out for run

its still there. It is craving my attention because it’s so serious. Therefore deserves my attention. 

Want to talk to family. Haven’t yet. 

Advice please. It’s the first time I haven’t jumped in but I’m close. 

Let your own thread title be your inspiration. Another day, another worry, might just give you an inkling as to the value of your 'concerns'. 

[taurean]

3 hours ago, paradoxer said:

its still there. It is craving my attention because it’s so serious. Therefore deserves my attention. 

Don't fall into that usual trap of OCD. Of course it will tell you it's serious. Of course it will tell you it deserves your attention. 

It doesn't, it is just another OCD intrusion, trying to damage your 'joie de vivre '.

Don't give it houseroom. 

[taurean]

Now here is the big ticket stuff. 

It was just another way of OCD trying to hook you. 

It might be to your usual theme, it might suggest another one. 

Don't be fooled - don't connect with it, don't give meaning to it. 

Every time you do that - and especially if you respond with a compulsion - you just make it stronger, give it encouragement to more of the same 

You break this chain of OCD activity by not connecting, not giving meaning and not carrying out compulsions. 

Gently but firmly ease your focus back to what you are doing, don't listen to OCD. 

Outside of this, don't let the OCD force you into avoidance, and do look to carry out structured exposure and response prevention to your OCD themes. 

[Running Lover]

10 hours ago, snowbear said:

If you decided having this unpleasant thought means 'That is something I would never do' then you'd judge that your values were intact and not be tempted to think any more about it. Same thought,

Hi. Thanks but the unpleasant thought wasn’t just a thought. It was about a checking compulsion I carried about still within my pocd theme but a different one to mentioned in previous post *i just remembered it out of nowhere. 

 

2 hours ago, taurean said:

Outside of this, don't let the OCD force you into avoidance, and do look to carry out structured exposure and response prevention to your OCD themes. 

What would the exposure be around this though ? 

Thank you for all your replies 

[taurean]

Set aside a little time and bring up the intrusion into your mind. Sit with the anxiety surge it provokes. 

Think back to what the OCD is trying to tell you through this intrusion - this will be the OCD core belief. It will be false, exaggerated or repulsive, negative and by you unwanted. 

See that for what it is, OCD, and that you have no need to connect with it or give it meaning. 

Then after a few minutes return to normal activities. 

As you repeat this exercise another time , and don't accept that unwanted core belief and subsequent intrusion, gradually the anxiety response should fall off, and the intrusion begin to lose its power. 

 

[Isthisreality]

I think that is very helpful. In my case is it about being destroyed, ruined, THE END. I think that was a useful and helpful thing you wrote Taurean.

I atleast need to challenge the deeper believes which OCD throws at me. I am pretty certain my OCD is about being destroyed. Also having control and order. Well order is having control... so control, is another one. I guess you could say not having control will lead to being destroyed but i don't know about that. 

Thanks

Edited May 2, 2018 by Isthisreality

[taurean]

OK isthisreality you can see what that OCD core belief is trying to make you accept. 

However hard it shouts at you in support of this core belief, don't accept it. 

The way to break the OCD stranglehold is, for me, to allow it no houseroom. 

Ignore intrusions, they aren't you they are your OCD using your brain. 

Practise refocusing and reframing. 

And carry out those separate exposure and response prevention sessions. 

And you CAN beat this monster ? 

[Running Lover]

@taurean @snowbear I’ve tried what you said with no luck. I think what you have said world with just thoughts as in worrying about xyz usual ocd worries but you see my ocd has now got my obsessing about my ocd. Theses are real life events ( compulsions ) carried out and I just can’t get past how distasteful they are. I just had to check. I didn’t know another way to deal with it and I thought if I could just check that would fix everything. Why is this trouble me now 10-20 years later? My therapist has told me to leave the past in the past and there is no value in going back but I can’t seem to stop. Also I’m really sorry but I’ve just confessed this recent one to my partner. I held it off 24 hours though. I couldn’t have done that 2 weeks ago. Even though I’ve confessed I’m still going over and over 

[InOverMyHead]

See Running Lover you’ve held off from doing one of your compulsions that’s brilliant, so the techniques are working, slowly and surely, it won’t just go away like that, have you got anything that helps with the anxiety xx

[Running Lover]

@InOverMyHeaddo you mean meds? I took myself gradually off them so I’m only on half a tablet a day, previously max amount. I take cbd oil ( last 3 weeks ish ) 

im seeing private psychologist but im not sure how we are doing. He’s never interested in the confession I have for him which stresses me out because maybe he doesn’t believe. I asked him yesterday and he said he’s know concerns because he knows I’m not peodopile and any compulsions carried out have not been for personal gratification in fact I loathed doing them. So back to your question “anything that helps” we’ll the cbt should be but I don’t feel it is ?

[InOverMyHead]

If it’s really not helping I suggest you find a different therapist? But perhaps he’s not interested in the confession because he’s trying not to give you reassurance? There’s also relaxation exercises you can do that involves tensing muscles from your head to toes and releasing them and something called a body check which allows you to check if you have anxiety xxx

[gingerbreadgirl]

I agree it sounds like he doesn't want to hear your confession because he knows you are reassurance-seeking.

[taurean]

Running Lover, you need to keep using those techniques until slowly they, not the OCD thinking, becomes second nature. 

At the moment your obsessing is in the ascendancy. 

OCD will exaggerate real issues to make them vastly more important than they are ; and it will keep dragging us back to the past. 

There is no quick fix - practice and perseverance are the necessary ingredients for success. 

[Running Lover]

24 minutes ago, taurean said:

Running Lover, you need to keep using those techniques until slowly they, not the OCD thinking, becomes second nature. 

At the moment your obsessing is in the ascendancy. 

OCD will exaggerate real issues to make them vastly more important than they are ; and it will keep dragging us back to the past. 

There is no quick fix - practice and perseverance are the necessary ingredients for success. 

It’s hard because I want to but it’s all so erratic in my head. Also when you say it twists and turns that’s not really the case for me because these are real events that happened I can understand it does that but it doesn’t twist things when carrying out compulsions or thinking about the compulsions you carried out. That’s just a memory of something that unfortunately *happened