Another day another worry

[InOverMyHead]

It happened and it happened along time ago, I know from my experience that OCD can definitely twist memories to turn them around and make them worse then they appear, you were doing a compulsion due to get reassurance due to unwanted thoughts. Repeating these compulsions will make you worse. I know it’s difficult to let go of something that’s all ready happened but you have to try xxx

[snowbear]

12 hours ago, Running Lover said:

Hi. Thanks but the unpleasant thought wasn’t just a thought. It was about a checking compulsion I carried about still within my pocd theme but a different one to mentioned in previous post *i just remembered it out of nowhere. 

It doesn't matter whether what you're obsessing about is a thought, a deliberate act, a compulsion or anything else. The principle is the same. It's the meaning you give it that makes it either a problem or a solution.

2 hours ago, Running Lover said:

 @snowbear I’ve tried what you said with no luck.

Give it a chance! These cognitive changes aren't instant fixes any more than stopping confessing is instantly easy. You have to practise them. Over and over...

Every time you catch yourself thinking you need to confess or worrying about what you did that's when you pause and re-think 'What meaning have I given this? Why is it distressing me?' Then you consider alternative meanings and see the one you chose originally was not the only option in the way you once imagined. 

After that you have to choose to change the meaning you put on whatever is bothering you and make a conscious effort to stick with it. It doesn't happen automatically. You'll likely find you slip back into your old habits of giving things an OCD-triggering meaning and have to stop yourself again and again so you can reapply the new thinking. Over time (weeks or months of practise) the new way of thinking comes easier and the old habits have less power over you. But you have to keep at it.

Quote

Theses are real life events ( compulsions ) carried out and I just can’t get past how distasteful they are. I just had to check. I didn’t know another way to deal with it and I thought if I could just check that would fix everything. 

Here's a good place to start practising the cognitive changes you need. 

First you need to recognise where you are giving things meaning. I've highlighted the two meanings you applied in bold this time. Perhaps next time you can try to identify where you added meaning yourself?  

When you decided they were distasteful you gave the compulsive act meaning - that it was something you needed to fix and somehow undo the distastefulness.

You gave checking a meaning too - 'This will fix it'. 

And as you said, you didn't know how else to deal with it. Understandable - but now you do. Changing the meaning you give things is the way to deal with it.  

6 minutes ago, Running Lover said:

That’s just a memory of something that unfortunately *happened 

The asterisks you use to punctuate your writing when you get an intrusive thought/memory related to your obsession is another example of giving something meaning.

You've decided a * has the power to contain your thought (or protect you from the badness of it, or stop it from coming into your mind.) It might even seem to work at first and of course that's why you keep doing it. But does an asterisk really mean what you want it to mean? It's just a punctuation mark. It has no power to control your brain or influence your behaviour. If it seems to have that power it's because that's the meaning you gave it in your mind and now you're acting as if that imaginary power was real.

In the same way, when you confess it's because you're acting in response to the meaning you gave it. You believed confessing had the power to fix things.

Belief in the power of compulsions is why the urge to do them is so strong. But the meanings we've given our compulsive behaviours are false/flawed. Compulsions have no real power. They don't stop things or fix things. We do that ourselves through making alternative behavioural choices and by giving things alternative (true and realistic) meanings. 

[Running Lover]

Thank you. I think I know what you mean a bit. It’s my reaction to my thoughts about the acts that the problem. So distract myself from the thoughts. 

[taurean]

34 minutes ago, Running Lover said:

It’s hard because I want to but it’s all so erratic in my head. Also when you say it twists and turns that’s not really the case for me because these are real events that happened I can understand it does that but it doesn’t twist things when carrying out compulsions or thinking about the compulsions you carried out. That’s just a memory of something that unfortunately *happened 

Don't try and "work it out",  just accept that what is going on is obsessing plus compulsing = disorder, in other words OCD. 

[InOverMyHead]

@snowbear what do you mean asking what meaning have I given this/why does this distress me. I’m getting a little confused as I thought that we were suppose to accept and refocus our attention, the above wouldn’t work for me I don’t think. 

[snowbear]

2 minutes ago, InOverMyHead said:

what do you mean asking what meaning have I given this/why does this distress me. I’m getting a little confused as I thought that we were suppose to accept and refocus our attention

Perhaps I should start by saying what it isn't! Looking at the meaning you've given things isn't a reason to ruminate more on the whys and wherefores of what you were already ruminating over. It's not anything to do with the content of the thought. 

It's standing back from the thought to see that the meaning you've given it (which typically feels obvious and indisputable to the person) isn't actually as clear cut as they first thought.

There's always more than one way of interpreting things. These cognitive exercises are about opening your eyes to the alternative meanings and the flawed thinking behind your 'instinctive' interpretation. 

When you practise acceptance of the thought you're changing the meaning you give it. Instead of it meaning 'This is the worst thing possible! I have to prevent it/fix it/ avoid it' you're allowing it to have a different meaning, 'This is just a thought, it's not worth getting in a tizz about. So I don't need to do compulsions to prevent/fix/avoid it.' 

The two bits of advice aren't incompatible. One is a cognitive approach the other is a behavioural approach. 

[InOverMyHead]

Right I get it now thank you  

[paradoxer]

On 5/1/2018 at 23:26, taurean said:

Don't fall into that usual trap of OCD. Of course it will tell you it's serious. Of course it will tell you it deserves your attention. 

It doesn't, it is just another OCD intrusion, trying to damage your 'joie de vivre '.

Don't give it houseroom. 

Taurean, mate, you 'quoted me' above in a quote from Running Lover. 

[taurean]

29 minutes ago, paradoxer said:

Taurean, mate, you 'quoted me' above in a quote from Running Lover. 

Sorry my friend, don't know how that happened. Must be a system glitch paradoxer.

Either that, or I really do have magical powers