I know, mr repeat

[battlethrough]

SORRY, same old, just stuck stuck stuck, trying to let go but i cant, moving house soon to. 

How will i ever live with sexual fantasies ive had, i know im boring but ive lost most will to live. 

The sister in law fantasies i had are destroying me as you all tirelessly know, i have said them before and people have said its normalish. 

But to imagine saying you can give your sister in law a baby then imagine a whole sexual encounter will always bother me now, crazy, 7 years a go, a few fantasies and a destroyed life

[lostinme]

Dear battlethrough, you really need to let this go, it’s destroying you  we have all fantasised over something or someone in our life, let it go and enjoy your new home ? and get on with your life 

[Atlantis]

37 minutes ago, battlethrough said:

SORRY, same old, just stuck stuck stuck, trying to let go but i cant, moving house soon to. 

How will i ever live with sexual fantasies ive had, i know im boring but ive lost most will to live. 

The sister in law fantasies i had are destroying me as you all tirelessly know, i have said them before and people have said its normalish. 

But to imagine saying you can give your sister in law a baby then imagine a whole sexual encounter will always bother me now, crazy, 7 years a go, a few fantasies and a destroyed life

OK so when Quentin Taratino thinks up a script with extreme violence, do you think he is punishing himself for years afterwards? 

[battlethrough]

Its the constant beleaf of betrayal, perfection thinking i suppose

[InOverMyHead]

Hey Battlethrough I was the same in a previous relationship (not fantasising) but a couple of things I did that weren’t right and I to agonised myself over it and had to confess to my partner at the time however like with OCD it made it worse. Now the OCD has took hold of the guilt you feel and is making it a million times worse!! Stop analysing do you think your partner wants you to torture yourself like this? Memories also get twisted over the course of the years so the scenario your obsessing over has not only got twisted by the OCD but also by the passage of time. I’m not saying you did anything wrong but it’s obvious you feel like you have so I say this. Everyone has done something wrong in their lives, several times and some people repeat mistakes (I’m one of them) not even the saints are guilt free I’m sure but it’s what we do in the future that matters. Why not try doing something nice for your partner it might relieve some of the guilt and also give you some valuable time together  

[Emsie]

Hi BT, I just wanted to say that I totally echo what Lost said to you. Take care. X

[battlethrough]

Thankyou all your so kind, i feel like such a perv, like ive been 2 different people, the loving family me and the secret dirty fantasy me, its like they have collided and now im just a mask covering anguish and despair.,would like to go to sleep and not wake, need a good sleep 

[InOverMyHead]

Take our advice it will help xx

[battlethrough]

I think im to far gone to apply anything, i have no joy in life anymore, i have the most beautiful family and im locked behind my eyes in darkness

[gingerbreadgirl]

You can do this battlethrough.  Even when you feel like you are stuck in a black hole you'll never get out of, things can turn around, surprisingly quickly, if you really grit your teeth and dig your heels in.  You can get your life back, you can do this, but you HAVE to accept temporary excruciating anxiety to get to what's better on the other side.  You can get there, and we're all here supporting you x

[InOverMyHead]

I agree with Gingerbread Girl, we are all here for you. What would you say to someone else who had this problem or had done this? Truly think about it  are you getting any therapy? 

[lostinme]

2 hours ago, battlethrough said:

I think im to far gone to apply anything, i have no joy in life anymore, i have the most beautiful family and im locked behind my eyes in darkness

As you say yourself you’ve got the most beautiful family  isn’t it time then to let this go, forgive yourself and start to enjoy your time with your family 

[taurean]

We are NEVER too far gone, battlethrough. 

You CAN change your responses to intrusions, we all can. 

[gingerbreadgirl]

1 minute ago, taurean said:

We are NEVER too far gone, battlethrough. 

You CAN change your responses to intrusions, we all can. 

yes, definitely this!!

[battlethrough]

All your support means so much, i know i cant confess these things,just feel it would help, but i know it wouldnt, there would be something else,just dont know how i can live like this knowing i had these fantasies, also my partner has said before she never has,and people shouldnt, but then in another conversation she says its normal but not when ur with someone, so that adds to the pressure 

[Atlantis]

I don't believe for one minute that just because you're with someone you don't fantasize about being with other people, especially in the age of social media where privacy is limited for most people. If you don't let this go it'll be your reaction to the OCD that harms your relationship rather than any initial fantasies you had. Prime example, I've had a crush on my neighbour for some time now and because of that and the fact that we got closer mates recently, I've had the OCD wolves at the door of confession i.e. confessing every bad 'OCD linked compulsion I've done and guess what, she doesn't need to hear it. She's a sensitive soul with a beautiful mind and who the hell am I to lay all my issues on her ? just to make mysef feel better and pollute her mind? It's selfish and only when you let the thoughts go do you finally get grip on what's right and are mentally able to put the other person first by learning to alleviate the risk of confessing. 

Edited May 4, 2018 by Atlantis

[taurean]

Let it go battlethrough - you have no guilt. 

We all have fantasies, whether in relationships or not - and if OCD locks onto them, we don't have any responsibility for whichever themes it foists onto us. 

You can lay this to rest. As I said elsewhere on the forums, we can beat OCD by not responding to OCD intrusions however vile repulsive or believable, and refocusing away - together with learning the cognitive side of how OCD works, and practising structured sessions of exposure and response prevention. 

When our new thinking becomes the norm, the old OCD material will ease away in power and frequency. 

Edited May 4, 2018 by taurean
Clarification